None is Profound, Because There is So Much

Last week I was flying back from Boston and a recent business trip. While doing so, it’s quite common for me to catch up on a podcast or audiobook.

I happened to be listening to The Tim Ferriss Show and a recent podcast with Morgan Housel. This was of interest to me as I just wrapped up reading his book: The Psychology of Money. I love Tim’s longer form conversations as they get much deeper into a person’s feelings and beliefs.

Later into the podcast, Morgan said something profound. So profound in fact, that I stopped, hit rewind and listened to it again as I transcribed the thoughts into my notebook. Then I rewound again to ensure I heard it right!

What did he say?

He said, “None of it is profound, because there is soooooo much of it.” Now what was he talking about? Without me telling you directly, I decided to think about what could be on this list…and it’s rather long.

  • The News. It used to be once a day. Now with cable news it’s 24/7 and delivers the value of empty calories. Morgan asks, how profound would the news be if it was 1x per year? Rather meaningful right?
  • Luxury. If you think about it, luxury in America is all around us, but we’re so spoiled we don’t see it.
  • Rest/Relaxation. The goal isn’t to rest 24/7, although some think it is. Rest and relaxation are to be earned to be appreciated. A life without struggle isn’t worth living.
  • True Connection – Today it’s easier to connect with someone across the world than it’s ever been. And yet, true connection in society is more distant than it’s ever been.
  • Christmas Gifts – Yes, it’s that time of year to bless those around us with gifts. But do so with dozens, and they lose meaning. Chose wisely.
  • Information. There’s never been more information available. We don’t have an information problem. We have a discernment and action problem. When all information is important, we become paralyzed in execution.
  • False Beauty. Open your phone and you can find millions of photos perfectly posed and manicured for distribution and “likability”. Shredded men. Bikini clad babes. Everyone with a phone is a model.

More for the sake of more, leads us down a dangerous path. One I know I can be guilty of. Like a rich kid with infinite resources and a cocaine habit. Every hit, more unfulfilling than the last…but the chase must go on!

Where does this take us?

For me, it’s a reminder to do my annual retreat into the book Essentialism. Less but better. Fewer choices, well-executed create real value and meaning. Rid the mind of more for the sake of more, and instead be in a search for impact and vitality.

Finding Divine Inspiration: Fenway Park

Sometimes life nudges you ever so slightly. Other times, it hits you in the forehead with a two-by-four. My visit to Fenway Park on August 9, 2023 was more of the two-by-four variety.

Let me quickly set the stage. I was flying into Boston on 8/9 and a couple attempts at dinner reservations with clients fell through. Busy schedules won the day and I was left to navigate Beantown on my own for the evening.

The gentleman next to me on my flight happened to be wearing a Red Sox hat (not entirely unique on flights to Boston), but I did notice it, and it did cause me to pause and think more openly about the nights’ adventures.

I spent the next 90 seconds scouring Google for the Red Sox schedule. As luck would have it, they had a home game on the evening of 8/9 vs. the Kansas City Royals. It was about 5:30 at Logan airport and the game was set for a 7:10 first pitch. I needed to hustle.

To further constrain my schedule, the damn Sumner tunnel is under construction and closed, so my delivery from the airport to my hotel was going to be anything but expeditious. I was going to be cutting it very close, but I was going for it.

Next to StubHub. Ticket purchased (see below/and not insignificant)

Fenway Park is charming and entirely unique. The ticket I purchased happened to be in the “Royals Family Box” next to the son of KC Royals Infield Coach: Jose Alquacil. The son flew in from Washington D.C. to celebrate his Dad’s birthday that evening and watch him “work” with the Royals. Connections started to be made [Father/Son experiences]. The game provided very unique drama, as it was the game history was made when a ball off the bat of a Royals batter broke a scoreboard light on the Green Monster. I’ve watched a boatload of baseball, and I’ve never seen that!!!

Flash Back 30 Years

Fresh Fenway Sausage with Peppers and Onions

My first visit to Fenway was with my Dad about 30 years ago (give or take). I remember walking foul pole to foul pole to get all the vantage points of the historic stadium. I remember vividly the smell of freshly grilled sausages and peppers outside the stadium (Yes they still do this) and my Dad will quickly bring this up if asked about our Fenway experience.

Thinking about my experience the following morning, I felt a little like Ray Kinsella (played by Kevin Costner) in Field of Dreams when he felt implored to “kidnap” Terrance Mann and get him to attend a baseball game at Fenway. It’s almost eerie. Mind you…I did no kidnapping this evening.

Go the Distance

I grabbed a beer, a hot dog, and settled into the game on a marvelous New England summer evening. I’ll fast-forward to the end of the game where this all became somewhat euphoric for me. My wife and kids knew I’d be at the game, but as is customary for us when I’m gone, they call to FaceTime before bed. I think it helps put all of our minds at ease that we get to chat before the day closes and heavy eyes rest.

The call happened to come in during the final three outs of the game…so I answered it, seeing my two kids faces glued to the screen in awe of where Dad was. And it was LOUD!

But I figured what the hell, I’m going to let them see what I’m seeing. So Landon and I watched the last two outs together via FaceTime. Having made our first deep dive into baseball this summer, and spending endless hours playing catch, it only seemed right that we share this moment. I took a quick screenshot as it says so much about what I was soon to learn.

I was really watching two things as the Red Sox reliever Kenley Jansen closed out the Royals on that insignificant Wednesday night. One is the game, as a solo home run was given up in the top of the ninth, closing the score to a snug 4-3 Red Sox lead with only one out.

The second, more profound watch, was my son’s reaction to it all. He was in awe! The stadium, the view, the crowd, the energy, Dad’s new Red Sox hat. It’s why I so dearly love sports. It simply can’t be recreated. It was then, when I started to see my future unfold before me.

A New Path

I really love what I do. I love working with energetic, savvy clients and strategizing on campaigns. I love the creation of something “new” for a brand and seeing it unfold. I also love all the myriad of experiences and relationships its brought a kid from small town Iowa in his life. Travel opened up my mind to possibility, wonderful restaurants, entirely new cities and different ways of life.

Fenway Connected My Past and Future

I’ve been thinking about “retirement” since I was probably 22 and started working. Some could argue this is good and others could argue the opposite. Either way, a plan took shape early, and I’ve consistently reshaped it as the years provided new thinking and resources toward this goal. Never once have I considered waiting until 60 or years beyond to “call it quits.” It was always going to be “early” vs. normal standards.

The Goal isn’t Retirement, it’s Freedom

Now in my 40’s, I have a very different view. I don’t want to retire per se. After all, what am I going to do, sit around and golf every day?? Doesn’t sound entirely horrible…

I want freedom and I want to experience it with those I love. I want to visit clients in Boston, and have my son experience it with me. I want him to enjoy a fresh lobster roll in New England, and freshly caught seafood in Seattle. We’ll cheers Chicago dogs outside Wrigley and a beer after our round at Torrey Pines. We’ll chomp down cheese curds in Lambo Field and sip a great cabernet in Northern California. Mind you, I’ve done all these things and it only adds to my hunger to consume more experiences like this with my kids.

I very much want to blur the lines of the professional and personal. My recent Fenway experience brought that vision front and center. Yes, they will likely miss school…which was unheard of in my day. But the experiences they’ll encounter can’t be duplicated in the class room.

Thanks Fenway (and the $13 beers) for igniting my memories and being a driver to a bigger purpose and vision for the future.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness?

I’m thinking about the latter of the words this Independence Day holiday. Happiness. Isn’t it odd, and sort of fitting these are the words from the well-penned script I’m thinking about from the declaration of Independence crafted in 1776?

Declaring Independence

How does one [declare independence] and how does it relate to happiness?

Let me set the scene. I’m sitting in my driveway in a small town in Iowa. Our neighborhood raises funds for those who live around the golf course for a private fireworks show (Shout out to Jordan Alborn for organizing!). As the benefactor of location, our driveway faces directly into the line of sight where the fireworks are shot off, and only a couple hundred yards away.

I was sitting in my chair, and 50 or so guests had joined. New friends and old alike. The driveway and street were jam packed with golf carts. Adults joined with a chilled cocktail, kids with glow sticks, a plentiful supply of bomb pops were displayed and patriotic music played as a backdrop to the festivities.

As the fireworks exploded and my daughter’s chin dripped red and blue of melted sugar, I just smiled…ear to ear. This is ‘it’ for me. This is happiness.

How did we get here?

About 8-10 years go in my journal I sketched out the plans for our family (The family that didn’t even fully exist yet). Where would we live? What would the house include? What would surround us? Let me tell you what I wrote!

  • We’d build a house on a golf course, golf cart in the garage, basketball hoop in the driveway
  • We’d have a large island in the kitchen for gathering
  • We’d have a rain shower head in the master bath (Yes I know it’s specific, but I wrote it)

There are many other details, but my point is two-fold. Define your happiness and do so with laser focused intention. But only do it for YOU! What we think about and write down, we manifest. The feelings I had the other night, felt like warm hug. A comforting nod that, “this is EXACTLY what you asked for,” now please, ENJOY!

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

I beg of my team and other peers I interact/coach with on a regular basis, “TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT” < – – – – and don’t lie!!! Tell me exactly what you want and do so with clear definition and vitality. I don’t personally care what it is, I only care that you know, and pursue it with all your might. It’s not up to me that it’s a farm with 20 acres, a lake front cabin or a Chicago high-rise condo with all the amenities. by the way, not everything is about housing. Think vacations, how you spend your time, and who you spend it with.

What do I do, if I don’t know?

Terrific question. Here are a few questions I’d challenge you with to help you aid in definition.

  • What gives you endless energy?
  • What activities really excite you? (think like Derek Sivers – if it isn’t a HELL YES…it’s a no)
  • Who do you enjoy being around? (energy builders vs. Energy takers)
  • Where do you feel like your best self?
  • What does it look like? Close your eyes and see it. Define it.

I’ve listened to Norman Vincent Peale’s audiobook, “The Power of Positive Thinking” hundreds of times. He speaks vividly on the word VITALITY. Pursuing your “happiness” will provide the vitality needed to continue on with your pursuit when roadblocks arise.

As we celebrate our nation’s independence, please also give thought to your own personal independence and pursuit of happiness!

Declaration with definition and intention!!

~God Bless America

The betterhelp Response – Overwhelming

The outpouring of responses from my latest post was intense in the best of ways. I had a very strong suspicion there were many others out there like me, experiencing the same [bottled up] feelings I had two years ago. What I didn’t know, is I’d hear from so many of you in droves. You are brave for reaching out and trusting in me to have the conversation!

THANK YOU!

In case you missed it, this is the post which sparked overwhelming response: My Journey with betterhelp.

I received this message from a friend I haven’t heard from in some time. I was instantly moved and felt connected. Here is a selection,

“Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either.”

I received DOZENS of messages like these

Lets be honest. I don’t have the reach of internet sensations: Tim Ferriss, or Rich Roll, or Brene Brown. I figured I’d receive a text and email or two from the post (because I almost always do), but the responses came pouring in and they came in almost immediately. In my nearly 10 years of blogging and sharing my perspective, I’ve NEVER gotten the feedback like I did here. Nor have I felt the instant gratitude to start conversations with people I connected with throughout my life.

I decided to anonymize those who sent feedback to show you what I already believed to be true. Many men are walking a similar journey and had similar stigma around getting help. Some have a history of struggle. Some are in it right now. But all have found a way to seek guidance or hear another voice…besides the voice in their head. If you reached out to me, here is a snippet of what your peers had to say! They appreciate you without even knowing it!

A Friend, an athlete, a great Dad

I read your post regarding therapy. I commend you for doing that, it’s not an easy thing to do much less post about it on your social media. I have been on again/ off again with therapy/ meds for anxiety and depression. A lot of the causes resonated with me because those are some of the same things that reared their ugly head when I was going through it/ still going through it. Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either. I am glad you got out of therapy what you did and are on the other side of it. I am still working through it, but therapy has helped.

A friend, a peer, a great Dad

Good post brother! I’ve met with Aaron Kampman quarterly for the last several years. https://www.thealignprocess.com/aaron-kampman From a mental health standpoint, it is freeing. For me, weight lifts off my shoulders after each session.

A Business Peer

Loved your post Zac. Thank you for your honesty and the courage to put yourself out there for others who may be feeling similarly or the same. I think many of us were/are in a similar boat, but as men, we typically are the last ones to seek out self-care, especially when we have others to care for who come first (wife/partner, child, parents, etc.) I know that’s the challenge I struggle with daily.

A friend, and a rebuilding story

Great post tonight! It hit home for me. It took going through a divorce, therapy, and a lot of self-reflection to get me back to my true self. The toughen up and push through it mentally doesn’t work, and it really just fuels anxiety to the point of changing who you really are. Being vulnerable is where it is at! Thanks for sharing!

A successful business associate, peer and Dad

I’m reaching out because I wanted to let you know that I saw your post about your journey with betterhelp, and I wanted to say THANK YOU for posting that! I’ve been struggling with certain things as well, predominantly professionally, and that post caught me at the exact right time!

A friend, business associate, and great Dad

Love the blog. Thanks for sharing. One of my favorite quotes…Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought. ~James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

As I was sweating through a Peloton ride this morning, my session ended with Emma Lovewell saying this,

When we show up for ourselves, we have the ability to show up as our best-self for others around us

Thinking About Quitting and Two Phone Calls

One phone call out of the blue is coincidental,

Two phone calls in less than two days (18 hours)…someone is trying to tell me something!

Back in December 2017 I thought about calling the blog quits. Here is a peek into how the mind works…if you allow it.

  • The blog is an expense. I make zero $$ on it.
  • The blog takes time. Is it worth it?
  • The blog takes intentional thought and focus.
  • The blog is a choice. Blog vs. Other things.

Shift in mindset…one I’m very happy I made.

  • The blog is an investment in others and my future. Where it goes…not really sure yet. Don’t care. More concerned with process. (Slight Edge Principles)
  • The blog takes time away from the “Trivial”, to focus on the Vital.  Essentialism <— terrific read!
  • The blog takes time to get intentional & focused with my thoughts <—— tremendously UNDERvalued
  • The blog is choice I’m happy to make

Now on to the two phone calls.

The first, I received from a long-time friend on a dreary Iowa afternoon on 2.21. He called out of the blue to tell me he just got a HUGE promotion. One he’s been focused on for quite some time. It’s a really big deal for him and his family. Most importantly, it creates a tremendous amount of momentum for his future. As I’ve stated before, momentum is everything.

He called to say thank you. Thank you! He called to say somehow, I played a role in his journey. His mindset, thoughts, and most importantly actions were impacted by the words on this blog. I was moved. I was overjoyed…and selfishly, it felt really good.

Gary Vaynerchuk says 1>0.  My goal in starting and continuing this project was to impact ONE PERSON.

Mission Accomplished.

The following morning on 2.22, I reached out (unannounced) to an old friend and business relationship. Shockingly…he told me, I was on his “list to call” as he had something very important to tell me.

We chatted for a bit and he told me about his son’s future plans. He’s 18. He’s got big plans and big dreams. So much more than I thought about when I was 18. [If I had to guess today, he’s probably selling himself short with all that focus and ambition].

Then my friend says,

He wants to meet you!

PAUSE…”What!?!? Why? ,” I said.

His response, “He thinks the world of you (I’m paraphrasing), and he talks to me about you. He reads your work, and he even told his Mom about you.” If you didn’t know, crossing over to the Mom category is a M-A-S-S-I-V-E chasm to cross (at least that’s what I’m telling myself).

<If you know me…or if you don’t: I’m on the verge of tearing up, and I’m not really sure why…but man, it feels really, really good>

  • Two people I respect
  • Two totally random (or maybe not..) phone calls.
  • Two extreme expressions of gratitude

Gratitude 100%

This image is cheesy, but soooooo answers my feeling back in 2017 on the bottom, and now my feelings just 45 days later on the top. I’m not there yet, but I haven’t given up either.

Instead I’ll choose to keep hammering away.

ACTION ITEM: Lesson learned tribe. If something is going well, or impacting you in a positive way (TELL SOMEONE!). Who knows what it will do for them?!?

It made my day, week, month and maybe year, because I can’t tell you what power, fuel and energy this adds to me!

Riding Emotions and Two Years of Reflection

image1-8

It is the perfect time of year to pause, look back, and be thankful.

[To my son, may this give you some guidance 20+ years from now]

The last two years is a very significant timeframe for me and my family.

Just over two years ago (Dec. 16, 2014) I left my job. It was a really good job, with great pay, and I had terrific team members. But, it was a job, and I wanted more. I needed more.

Here is the Ledbury shirt I wore the day I resigned. You see, I remember crazy things like that. This shirt will make an appearance again later (cliff hanger). img_2909

Pause.

I took three weeks and five days off.

At this moment in time, no one (NO ONE) knows what the future will hold. I know I didn’t.

The only guarantees you have are your talents, and the story you’re telling yourself about what you believe. Consequently, these are also the only two things that matter in any venture.

Your Talents + Your Story

Looking back two years later here’s what happened (Reader’s Digest Version).

To start, I was scared. Was I making the right decision? I learned its ok to be scared. It means you have something to not only to lose, but to gain. Sometimes what people are most afraid of, is understanding how good something different truly can be. Understand the downside, and decide, but move —-> forward.

I was excited. If you know me well, I can get excited easily. Excitement and anxiety are nearly the same feelings, but the latter wears the cloak of fear. Both look toward the future and the future = uncertainty. How good could this really be? What I learned was, it was (and always is)…up to me. Make it great for you, and those around you!

The key to any journey is STARTING. Take the first step. As Steve Jobs says in his Stanford commencement address, “the dots will connect later.” You can’t possibly know how, but know life has a way of connecting down the road and awarding the daring.

Back to the story.

Our business grew. We grew as a direct result of many team members committed to answering the question, “How do we get better” every single day. No days off in this pursuit.

How do we get better, today?

We grew as a team and we had individual team members making massive strides in their personal growth. This is probably the most rewarding part of looking back over the last two years. Not numbers, or financials, but real changes in behavior. Numbers come and go. We’ve all seen it.  Behavior is power and can be counted on.

As we continued to grow, we took on new challenges. Most importantly, what does the future hold for our blossoming team?

In rolls 2016.

I had the unique opportunity to become a minority partner in the business as we jumped head first into 2016. An opportunity I’m thankful I had the audacity to ask for, and more thankful to my partners for their openness to engage one another.

Remember son, nothing is given. It must be earned.

This last year (2016) was followed up by even more tremendous growth by our team and individuals. If any of you are reading this, know that I am so very proud of you all. I know I’ve probably said it from time to time, but sometimes it’s more rewarding to read it. Job well done! But don’t stop now. Your sails are up, capture the tailwinds.

We reached an inflection point in our business.

Decision time.

Just recently, our business was acquired and we will be joining a new team in 2017. A future I’m tremendously excited for and an acquisition we’re proud of.

Looking back at the growth of the business in the last 12 years, I’m so very happy for my partners and their families. They started it. I simply tried to add fuel to the fire the last two years.

You see, its fun to look at now, but no one wants to think about or experience the pain, anxiety, travel, loss, and hardship in those early years. Those guys lived it and we’re all better off for it. Thank you!

Cheers gents! I hope it never gets old celebrating what you built.

Back to the shirt as I alluded to earlier in the post.

The day we signed off on all the paperwork, guess what I wore?  If you’re wondering…who thinks about what to wear for something like this? I do damnit!
img_2909

You guessed it. The Ledbury shirt I wore almost exactly two years prior when I resigned. It carried tremendous significance.

I promise you, no one knew but me, but boy did I ever know where that shirt had been two years ago. Two powerful (life changing) decisions were made wearing that shirt. I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of it…No matter what!

After all that. You’d think I’d be over the moon excited. Right!?!

But here’s the funny thing.

Immediately I was sad.

That night we went out and had a few beers, shared stories, laughs, and even a few tears.

That night when I got home, I couldn’t sleep.

With my wife and son fast asleep, I went down to the basement and was sad like a person is the day of graduation. So much time, energy, and short history wrapped up…just like that. You don’t cry at graduation because you’re afraid of going to college or fear of going out on your own. You do so to be thankful.

I barely slept that night. What can I tell you?  I’m human with ALL the human emotions.

It took me a couple days to let everything sink in.

It took me a couple days to think about my wife and family that supported the decision the day it was made over two years ago. She knew it was going to work far before I EVER DID!

It took me a couple days to think about all the support I’ve received to make such a big dream happen (to all my close friends who believed in me).

This isn’t a post telling you to quit your job today. Use your head and do some thinking first. It’s also not about taking all the chances, but at some point you MUST TAKE A CHANCE. Why not?

More than anything this is a dump of thankfulness from my heart, and a nudge in the direction of listening to your gut.

Lastly, its a big thank you to anyone who’s ever read (you right now), liked, or shared a post. I started this journey a couple yeas ago with the idea that maybe (just maybe) I had a few unique ideas to share and that the most important thing I could ever achieve would be to help someone else achieve their goals, their mission, their dreams.

I don’t know if I’m helping to change the world, but I’ve helped a few people think a little differently.

I’ve helped a few people start meditating and they’re telling me it is bettering their life.

I’ve helped a few people get a raise or a new job.

I’ve been able to help friends as they take on new and bigger opportunities. If nothing else, I just listen.

I’ve helped nudge a few more to follow their dreams.

Thank you all for taking time to personally tell me I had anything to do with any of it. You did it yourself. Maybe you just didn’t see it right away.

From the bottom of my heart.

Merry Christmas,

Happy New Years and cheers to what the future has in store!

Would You Have the Courage to Do This?

I find my best blog writing is done when I immediately reflect on an event in my life.  I do this for two primary reasons:

  1. The first and most obvious is the freshness of the scenario, story, or thought in my mind.  Plus, it’s more relevant.
  2. The second is because my mind goes 100 mph and I’ll likely forget it if I don’t.  Truth be told.

So, what happened today that warranted this post?

I caught someone.

Actually it may have been the other way around, maybe they caught me…but I’ll say, “I caught someone in the act of being real.”

Today was my son’s first birthday.  If a one year old could talk (mine can’t), he would say he loves splashing at the pool.  So, off my wife and I went this afternoon to splash around on a perfectly sunny July day.  As we were feeding him his customary four o’clock snack, someone walked by and said hello.  She didn’t have to, but she did.

This is where it got real.

After exchanging pleasantries and chatting a bit, she said the following unprovoked, “I love your blog, I read almost every post.  The last one…about “Giving a Shit” (she said somewhat out the side of her mouth because she’s a pastor’s daughter) was spot on.  I shared it with my entire team.” I’m paraphrasing slightly, but I feel this is a decent representation.

I don’t know what I looked like when she was telling me this, but man would I love to have seen it.  I hope my mouth was closed.

It feels so great when someone says this TO YOUR FACE!

If you think I’m gloating, I’m really not.  I’m using this as a point I’m about to drive home and like it or not, I’m somewhat of an important character in this screenplay.  What I want the readers to think about is the courage it took for her to do this.

Think about it, when’s the last time you read something, liked something, ate a terrific meal, LOVED something that impacted your life, but never said a word?  Not one stinking word?!? Could you imagine how great you could’ve made someone feel?  But you didn’t, because that takes extreme courage.

Life now exists in an incubator we call the new “digital world,” where any of us (myself included) can jump on Facebook or Twitter with “Internet muscles” and rip someone to shreds.  It’s easier to play the hater behind the keyboard or the wizard behind the curtain.  It’s 100x easier to type weakly thought out cynicism, than it is to spark up the gumption to tell someone how wonderful something is, or how it positively impacted their life, or their team’s perspective.  Much less, to their face.

Thank you! You know who you are. You have a tremendous amount of courage.

I’m going to end with somewhat of a self-serving thought (reader beware I guess?).  I watched a video today from an entrepreneur I really admire, Gary Vaynerchuk.  His message is simple and it hit home with today’s happenings.

1>0

I have people all the time ask me, “Why do you do it?  Why keep the blog going?  What are you getting out of it?”  This.  This is 100% exactly the reason.  I write for myself.  I write to express my ideas and empty my mind.  Moreover, I write in the hope that one person says, “Thank you.  This changed my perspective.”

ACTION ITEM:  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! <Insert punch in the face emoji>

Anxiety, Neurosis, and Living a Life of Fear

There’s an epidemic gaining momentum in society.

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Obviously I don’t believe I’m alone or I wouldn’t write about it.  Anxiety and fear are leaving people feeling trapped, living a life alone with their own thoughts.

It all started for me about five years ago with my UC (ulcerative colitis) diagnosis.  What began as a disease of the large intestine and specifically the colon, spread to my head.

No it’s not cancer.  I’m referring to the negative thought process I became fixated on and concerned with 24/7.  Worry followed by more fear and worry.  Here is a small sampling of my thoughts from about five years ago to give you an idea of what I’m talking about:

  • Is this going to kill me?
  • What (if anything) could I eat any more?
  • Would it cause another attack?
  • What if I’m not near a bathroom? (near is a distance 15-20 seconds away at a panic jog rate)
  • What if I can’t eat anything?
  • Would I still be able to travel?
  • What if I got sick away from home?
  • How embarrassing is this going to be?
  • Eat more bananas? Damn it! More bananas?

Why am I telling you this?

Because I believe this is merely a glimpse at my struggle, and although it may not relate to you directly, I believe others need to know it’s okay to be afraid, but accepting of their fears.  What’s not okay is to let fear take over your thoughts, actions, and emotions 24/7 and ruin your life.  For me, this fear lead to panic, anxious thoughts, and uninitiated worry.

A couple years ago on the outside, I may have looked like I had it together, but on the inside I was a complete mess.

The “trifecta” I was living with included more than just the UC diagnosis and fears.  At the exact same time I was kicking a nasty nicotine habit (which needed to happen), while also facing a growing infertility challenge with my wife as we longed to start a family.  Brick by brick, a house of fears and frustration compiled.

It wasn’t until a couple years ago I realized the best medicine for my body wasn’t the two daily horse pills I take. I needed brain training for a reboot.  I’d personally beaten myself down with thoughts and feelings of insecurity and anxiousness.  Everywhere I went there was an undercurrent of fear riding in my sidecar.  If you can relate, you know what I’m talking about. The weeds find a way to grow, and they grow quickly!

What does this fear feel like?

It feels like a racing heartbeat.  Clammy and shivering hands.  Chills.  Feelings of being exhausted and alert at the same time.  It turned situations where I was 100% comfortable a couple years ago into fight or flight adrenaline jolts.  It sucked.

So how did I start to take back control?

Slowly. One step at a time my thinking had to be rebuilt.  Here’s what Ralph Waldo Emerson says,

A man is what he thinks about all day long.

The quote (and I’m not sure who said it), “Everyone has something,” kept running through my head.  “I’m not the only one in the world dealing with this, so stop being such a pansy ass,” I’d say to myself.  It could be so much worse.  I had to make a choice and commit to positivity and living life every day.

Commitment to change happened.

Radical change happens when a line is drawn in the sand and a person must be put to a decision.  In poker you would call this an “all-in” wager.  I didn’t want to wallow in the bullshit any longer.  I decided I’d own it and talk about it openly.  I chose to show others my hand (more card-speak), my insecurities, and not be afraid or embarrassed.  After all, this was me.  All of me, as John Legend puts it.

A crazy thing happens when you speak freely about fear.  It gets released.  When it’s released, it doesn’t carry with it the immense weight as it does in your thoughts.  It disappears like smoke from a fire into the night sky.  Seemingly never to have existed in the first place.

Tony Robbins teaches three things to help you get to this action decision.  You can find the link to his post here (How to Create Breakthrough in Any Area of Your Life)

  1. Change your strategy, change your result.
  2. Change your story, change your life.
  3. Change your state—you change it all!

The kryptonite to my fear, my anxiety, my neurosis wasn’t a pill (although I must admit a steroid pack helps a brother out from time to time if he gets run down and my stomach needs a boost).  No.  The answer lived in my thoughts, beliefs, and actions.  A funny thing happens when this choice is made.  You gain momentum and energy, and you never look back.

Thinking alone won’t ever cure me from my stomach disease or associated fears, but I’m not looking for that any more.  I’m not cured, I’m informed.  I’m committed to not living a life of fear and being a shell of my real self.  If that means saying no to a few more things, or resting when my body needs it, then so be it.

When the next challenge comes along (and it’s guaranteed to happen), I will be more prepared.  I will be more present in understanding what I’m feeling.  In the meantime, I’m going to hop on this black stallion called life and break her to live my way!

ACTION ITEM: I’ve been thinking about this post for some time.  A great deal of emotion came about when thinking about it.  It makes me feel even better writing it.  But, it’s not about me.  I know without a shred of doubt there are people struggling like I did.  If you are afraid, SO IS EVERYONE ELSE!

Make a choice to beat it.  If you’re a friend, make a choice to help them.  Life is far too short to be afraid all the time.

How Stuart Scott Impacted My Life

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He will never know it, and I hate to say his passing triggered the actions I took to write this, but it is the truth.

I spent the better part of Sunday, January 4 with my wife in complete admiration of a man I never met and only knew through watching him host “The Big Show” on television.  To say I was a SportsCenter junkie growing up would be like saying Michael Jordan was a little competitive.  I bet I didn’t miss a night or morning of SportsCenter for 10 years growing up.  Because of this feeling of attachment, I was emotional.  Emotional for his daughters, for his battle, and for his spirit to live on.

If you watched 10 minutes of ESPN’s wonderful coverage surrounding Stuart’s life and fight with cancer, you learned a couple key things.  First off, people loved him.  They really, really, loved him because he did him so damn well.  He owned who he was and wasn’t afraid to wear it every day.  That isn’t the immediate focus of this post, but it is certainly one we can all learn from.

You be you.

I watched a segment this morning (January 5) on the Dan Patrick Show where SVP (Scott Van Pelt) and Dan were reflecting on the life and career of their dear friend.  Each spoke in immense admiration of Stuart and maybe even shared a laugh at Stu’s expense.  The point was, they were saying things they’d known for a very long time, but they felt obligated (my words not theirs) to say them now because that’s what you do when people pass on.  You remember and you reflect.  It didn’t change their feelings of Stuart for the last 10 years, but now because he’s gone, it all comes pouring out.

What happened next was one of the most fulfilling things I’d done in a long time.

Why wait?

I grabbed my laptop and decided I was going to let my nearest and dearest friends know how I really felt about them.  These people are extraordinary and they needed to know it today.  I won’t disclose the words said or the people who it was addressed to.  Those things are for me and my comrades.  But I can promise you one thing…

I hope it made them feel as great as it made me feel to write it.

I’m not sure how often I’m going to do this at this scale, but I’m going to make a very concerted effort to ensure people understand how much I care about them and what they mean to me and our family (my wife and son).  We’ve all seen how life can change in an instant.  Although we all hope and pray it never happens, it inevitably does.  Life changes, and we’re left in the wake of something forever missing.  Words left unsaid feel like a burden because they never meet the flesh of the person they were meant for.

ACTION ITEM: Please don’t wait.  Write something today.  It doesn’t have to be a lot, you just have to mean it.

“You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live”

~ Rest in peace Stu.  Booyah!

What I Learned the Week I Unplugged

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About two weeks ago, I took a different direction in my professional life and resigned from the job I’d dedicated my entire adult career (10+ years) to. It was an extremely tough decision, but one I felt I needed to make in order to stay vigilant in pursuing my dreams and goals.

Although this is another subject for another time (or post), what resulted from this action was really eye opening and life altering.  I turned in my computer and phone and suddenly lost touch with the world, or did I?

I was trapped and didn’t know it.

My day revolved around these two devices.  Phone calls, tweets, texts, Facebook messages, emails, emails, and more worthless emails filled my day from the early morning hours until hitting the pillow at night.  I didn’t realize how disastrous this was until I literally couldn’t do it anymore.  I needed to dry out from technology.

It was exactly the therapy I needed.  I was addicted.

Maybe I’m still addicted, but I can see it more clearly now.  Ironically enough, I was reading a book a week or two ago discussing the topic of boredom.  The author described in great detail how people today (mainly younger adults and children) have no concept of boredom because they just plug into another device just when the B-word sets in.  This rampant activity causes our brains to operate on overdrive 95% of the time and provides little to no rest.  We need rest.

It doesn’t shock me one bit to see the #1 growing diagnosis among strung out teens and young adults is anxiety.  We can’t let go of technology until we’re forced to for FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out).

Well I missed out.  I missed out on 10 days of…

NOTHING.  I didn’t miss a damn thing, and I’m a better person for it.  If people needed to get a hold of me, they texted my wife.  How cool is that?  They actually couldn’t get a hold of me.  Sad news is, I’m back now with a phone and a computer, but I’ve got to tell you what I’ve learned in the process.

  1. I’m not that important.  Yes, I technically don’t have a job at this very moment, so I don’t have those responsibilities, but life went on for everyone else.
  2. Silence is beautiful.  I was trying to remember the last time I just sat and thought.  It’s been too long.  Can you tell me the last time you spent 30 minutes in silence just thinking?
  3. I was neglecting myself.  I was able to catch up on reading I wanted to tackle, blog posts I wanted to write, and knocking down jump shots in the gym (basketball was always my sanctuary growing up).
  4. Anxiety was running my life.  Not from a clinical standpoint, but I was always on alert for the next thing: text, email, phone call, etc. that needed to be responded to.  Ready, ready, ready, and…exhausted.
  5. I’m in control.  The last couple weeks I’ve had entire days to myself.  I made the decisions on what to read, when to exercise, and yes, when I wanted to take a nap (although my wife says I should’ve done more of this). It’s always been my schedule.  I just let others dictate it.
  6. Scheduled downtime.  Now that I’m a recovering information junkie, I’m learning to schedule my downtime.  I’m working on not jumping right into technology in the morning and taking breaks throughout the day to recharge (albeit briefly), so I can be the best version of myself.

ACTION ITEM: I was so excited to share this with the tribe.  I really hope you can take a few days, maybe even a week away from everything.  Some say, that’s why God made Mexico, but I’d like to see you do it while at home and take the challenge head on.  I bet you will find a little more of yourself in the process.

Lastly, it would provide me a great deal of pleasure if you would comment on your experiences below.  This is only my opinion, and I’m sure there are tremendous amounts of knowledge to be shared from the community of readers out there.

Thank you,
Zac