Finding Divine Inspiration: Fenway Park

Sometimes life nudges you ever so slightly. Other times, it hits you in the forehead with a two-by-four. My visit to Fenway Park on August 9, 2023 was more of the two-by-four variety.

Let me quickly set the stage. I was flying into Boston on 8/9 and a couple attempts at dinner reservations with clients fell through. Busy schedules won the day and I was left to navigate Beantown on my own for the evening.

The gentleman next to me on my flight happened to be wearing a Red Sox hat (not entirely unique on flights to Boston), but I did notice it, and it did cause me to pause and think more openly about the nights’ adventures.

I spent the next 90 seconds scouring Google for the Red Sox schedule. As luck would have it, they had a home game on the evening of 8/9 vs. the Kansas City Royals. It was about 5:30 at Logan airport and the game was set for a 7:10 first pitch. I needed to hustle.

To further constrain my schedule, the damn Sumner tunnel is under construction and closed, so my delivery from the airport to my hotel was going to be anything but expeditious. I was going to be cutting it very close, but I was going for it.

Next to StubHub. Ticket purchased (see below/and not insignificant)

Fenway Park is charming and entirely unique. The ticket I purchased happened to be in the “Royals Family Box” next to the son of KC Royals Infield Coach: Jose Alquacil. The son flew in from Washington D.C. to celebrate his Dad’s birthday that evening and watch him “work” with the Royals. Connections started to be made [Father/Son experiences]. The game provided very unique drama, as it was the game history was made when a ball off the bat of a Royals batter broke a scoreboard light on the Green Monster. I’ve watched a boatload of baseball, and I’ve never seen that!!!

Flash Back 30 Years

Fresh Fenway Sausage with Peppers and Onions

My first visit to Fenway was with my Dad about 30 years ago (give or take). I remember walking foul pole to foul pole to get all the vantage points of the historic stadium. I remember vividly the smell of freshly grilled sausages and peppers outside the stadium (Yes they still do this) and my Dad will quickly bring this up if asked about our Fenway experience.

Thinking about my experience the following morning, I felt a little like Ray Kinsella (played by Kevin Costner) in Field of Dreams when he felt implored to “kidnap” Terrance Mann and get him to attend a baseball game at Fenway. It’s almost eerie. Mind you…I did no kidnapping this evening.

Go the Distance

I grabbed a beer, a hot dog, and settled into the game on a marvelous New England summer evening. I’ll fast-forward to the end of the game where this all became somewhat euphoric for me. My wife and kids knew I’d be at the game, but as is customary for us when I’m gone, they call to FaceTime before bed. I think it helps put all of our minds at ease that we get to chat before the day closes and heavy eyes rest.

The call happened to come in during the final three outs of the game…so I answered it, seeing my two kids faces glued to the screen in awe of where Dad was. And it was LOUD!

But I figured what the hell, I’m going to let them see what I’m seeing. So Landon and I watched the last two outs together via FaceTime. Having made our first deep dive into baseball this summer, and spending endless hours playing catch, it only seemed right that we share this moment. I took a quick screenshot as it says so much about what I was soon to learn.

I was really watching two things as the Red Sox reliever Kenley Jansen closed out the Royals on that insignificant Wednesday night. One is the game, as a solo home run was given up in the top of the ninth, closing the score to a snug 4-3 Red Sox lead with only one out.

The second, more profound watch, was my son’s reaction to it all. He was in awe! The stadium, the view, the crowd, the energy, Dad’s new Red Sox hat. It’s why I so dearly love sports. It simply can’t be recreated. It was then, when I started to see my future unfold before me.

A New Path

I really love what I do. I love working with energetic, savvy clients and strategizing on campaigns. I love the creation of something “new” for a brand and seeing it unfold. I also love all the myriad of experiences and relationships its brought a kid from small town Iowa in his life. Travel opened up my mind to possibility, wonderful restaurants, entirely new cities and different ways of life.

Fenway Connected My Past and Future

I’ve been thinking about “retirement” since I was probably 22 and started working. Some could argue this is good and others could argue the opposite. Either way, a plan took shape early, and I’ve consistently reshaped it as the years provided new thinking and resources toward this goal. Never once have I considered waiting until 60 or years beyond to “call it quits.” It was always going to be “early” vs. normal standards.

The Goal isn’t Retirement, it’s Freedom

Now in my 40’s, I have a very different view. I don’t want to retire per se. After all, what am I going to do, sit around and golf every day?? Doesn’t sound entirely horrible…

I want freedom and I want to experience it with those I love. I want to visit clients in Boston, and have my son experience it with me. I want him to enjoy a fresh lobster roll in New England, and freshly caught seafood in Seattle. We’ll cheers Chicago dogs outside Wrigley and a beer after our round at Torrey Pines. We’ll chomp down cheese curds in Lambo Field and sip a great cabernet in Northern California. Mind you, I’ve done all these things and it only adds to my hunger to consume more experiences like this with my kids.

I very much want to blur the lines of the professional and personal. My recent Fenway experience brought that vision front and center. Yes, they will likely miss school…which was unheard of in my day. But the experiences they’ll encounter can’t be duplicated in the class room.

Thanks Fenway (and the $13 beers) for igniting my memories and being a driver to a bigger purpose and vision for the future.

Ten Questions I Pondered on Vacation

I recently returned from a getaway with the Mrs. to Marco Island, FL. We stayed at the JW Marriott, and if you haven’t been…I highly recommend it. Especially the “adults only” side of the resort [Paradise by Sirene]. We relaxed and read by the water. Jet skied with sea turtles. Walked the beautiful beaches, saw a few dolphins, ate delicious meals and generally took in our surroundings with tremendous gratitude.

Needless to say, with no kids present, there is always ample time to think on a retreat of this nature. I always keep my journal near by and this time was no different. Instead of plotting out moves for the next five years (as I’m prone to do), this time I thought to challenge myself with questions to help open up my mind to what possibilities the future could hold. The list below reflects questions about: health, family, fulfillment, wealth building, happiness and much more. I wrote many, but here are ten of my favorites I’m thinking about post-vacation.

TEN QUESTIONS

  1. What activity drives you to feel most happy/fulfilled?
  2. What does my family need from me to be their best selves?
  3. Where are the wealthy finding opportunity in this high interest rate environment?
  4. What foods leave me feeling energized and full of vitality?
  5. What new experiences am I hungry to explore?
  6. What would I need to do, to make the next 5 months a killer end to 2023?
  7. Where can I show up more for friends/peers?
  8. What past drama/trauma am I hanging on to, that I need to let go of?
  9. What new “micro-habit” will unlock many other doors to progress?
  10. What stands between where I am now, and where I want to go?

I’ll spend the next few weeks really thinking through and articulating well thought out answers to each of these asks. I’m hopeful the 10 questions above will cause you to pause and do some thinking on your life and trajectory.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness?

I’m thinking about the latter of the words this Independence Day holiday. Happiness. Isn’t it odd, and sort of fitting these are the words from the well-penned script I’m thinking about from the declaration of Independence crafted in 1776?

Declaring Independence

How does one [declare independence] and how does it relate to happiness?

Let me set the scene. I’m sitting in my driveway in a small town in Iowa. Our neighborhood raises funds for those who live around the golf course for a private fireworks show (Shout out to Jordan Alborn for organizing!). As the benefactor of location, our driveway faces directly into the line of sight where the fireworks are shot off, and only a couple hundred yards away.

I was sitting in my chair, and 50 or so guests had joined. New friends and old alike. The driveway and street were jam packed with golf carts. Adults joined with a chilled cocktail, kids with glow sticks, a plentiful supply of bomb pops were displayed and patriotic music played as a backdrop to the festivities.

As the fireworks exploded and my daughter’s chin dripped red and blue of melted sugar, I just smiled…ear to ear. This is ‘it’ for me. This is happiness.

How did we get here?

About 8-10 years go in my journal I sketched out the plans for our family (The family that didn’t even fully exist yet). Where would we live? What would the house include? What would surround us? Let me tell you what I wrote!

  • We’d build a house on a golf course, golf cart in the garage, basketball hoop in the driveway
  • We’d have a large island in the kitchen for gathering
  • We’d have a rain shower head in the master bath (Yes I know it’s specific, but I wrote it)

There are many other details, but my point is two-fold. Define your happiness and do so with laser focused intention. But only do it for YOU! What we think about and write down, we manifest. The feelings I had the other night, felt like warm hug. A comforting nod that, “this is EXACTLY what you asked for,” now please, ENJOY!

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

I beg of my team and other peers I interact/coach with on a regular basis, “TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT” < – – – – and don’t lie!!! Tell me exactly what you want and do so with clear definition and vitality. I don’t personally care what it is, I only care that you know, and pursue it with all your might. It’s not up to me that it’s a farm with 20 acres, a lake front cabin or a Chicago high-rise condo with all the amenities. by the way, not everything is about housing. Think vacations, how you spend your time, and who you spend it with.

What do I do, if I don’t know?

Terrific question. Here are a few questions I’d challenge you with to help you aid in definition.

  • What gives you endless energy?
  • What activities really excite you? (think like Derek Sivers – if it isn’t a HELL YES…it’s a no)
  • Who do you enjoy being around? (energy builders vs. Energy takers)
  • Where do you feel like your best self?
  • What does it look like? Close your eyes and see it. Define it.

I’ve listened to Norman Vincent Peale’s audiobook, “The Power of Positive Thinking” hundreds of times. He speaks vividly on the word VITALITY. Pursuing your “happiness” will provide the vitality needed to continue on with your pursuit when roadblocks arise.

As we celebrate our nation’s independence, please also give thought to your own personal independence and pursuit of happiness!

Declaration with definition and intention!!

~God Bless America

When the GRIND Sets In

The “GRIND“: opposing parts desire and dissatisfaction.

The GRIND is glorified by athletes and entrepreneurs as they put in rep after rep in the lab. This grind is rewarded with sweat, performance breakthroughs and improvement through struggle. Instagram post = “Out here Grindin!” Courtesy of DJ Khalid

To the opposition, the GRIND is met with vitriol. Their Monday through Friday work is a GRIND. Showing up for the man. This grind is rewarded by ending whatever misery is being participated in…likely Friday at 5pm.

FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PROCESS

Nick Saban’s love for the process is well documented. Alabama’s entire program and dynasty revolves around “the process” and doing the next play, the next rep, with excellence. One at a time. Every time. In the present moment, with excellence. Forget yesterday. Don’t worry about tomorrow. It’s about performing NOW.

Watching a video from Bedros Keuilian on YouTube, he spoke to the power of a rep or repetition as it relates to confidence. He said the following and it really sunk in.

REPS REMOVE DOUBT

I’ve written extensively about the role of momentum and confidence in life. You either have momentum and life is flowing to you, or you’re working on rebuilding momentum and fighting headwinds. When things are rolling, confidence is high. When challenge is omnipresent, doubt is high, and confidence is low. But how does one build confidence back? How do you get your mojo back?

Build confidence, by Doing the Reps. Bedros said, “repetition removes doubt!”

Notice he didn’t say, repetition guarantees confidence. He went the other way. It removes doubt. When doubt is gone, I believe we’re able to be our [best self] and flow infinitely into whatever task we’re pursuing.

Where do I see this in real life? Let me tell you:

  • Coaching 8-year old Travel Baseball: The progress some of these kids have made since February is gigantic and it isn’t luck. It’s repetition. Many began the year with some level of FEAR. By the way, the wiring in an 8-year old, is the same wiring in all of us. Think about that for a moment.
  • 10,000 Pull Up Goal: I set a goal at the beginning of 2023 to knock out 10,000 pull ups. As of this post I’m at about 6,400. Flowing easily toward and well past my target. But there is no easy path to 10,000. It’s every day, one rep at a time.
  • Sales Teams: I’ve lead and coached many sales people and teams in my 20 professional years. The best/most successful, do the reps with rabid consistency. Luck isn’t bestowed upon the consistent high achievers. They stay in the work and eliminate doubt with consistent preparation and action.
  • Peloton Practice: When our Peloton [handle: zkeeney] arrived in the fall of 2021, I wasn’t sure I’d be into the work. I’ve never been into cycling and I’m typically bored quickly if I’m not on the move. But I committed to doing the first 20 rides. Today I’m over 500+ rides and there are many days I need the work, like I need oxygen. I’m in love with the reps. I’m in love with the sweat and competition.

Whenever I find myself stuck, unable to start a big project or long journey, I focus on taking the first step, in the right direction. Action is key, but so too, is focused direction. Then show up again. And again. The rest will take care of itself when momentum sets in and kinetic energy is flowing.

Looking Good, Feeling…Frustrated

I’ve always been particularly aware of how I look. I would even be so aware to call it vain at times. Today is no different. The guy on the left is prideful of the work and results. The guy on the right knows the inside looks presents different challenges from the outside.

It’s the end of the month, which means I’m wrapping up my monthly scorecard. The sole reason for my Monthly Scorecard is to focus on those efforts which provide vitality and energy. The side effective is a positive one, and it is being in shape. But I believe it also helps keep my autoimmune disease at bay, most of the time…

Another Spring Time. Another Flare.

I believe this is the 3rd year in a row I experienced an Ulcerative Colitis flare up. I know for certain I had one last year and I’m pretty sure I had one in 2021 as the stress from Covid was having a major impact on everyone’s lives. Myself included.

Starting 2023, I was going to really attack the Scorecard work and ensure I was showing up for those around me as my best self. I’ve been incredibly diligent with my exercise and diet. Not perfect, but very few slip ups or cheats along the way, so the most recent internal discomfort came as a real shock to me. I was controlling the things I could control to a large degree. Here I am talking again about the word control. It was a prominent theme in my post about receiving therapy through Better Help. This is where I’ve spent time reflecting this last week as I had to miss out on a business trip.

The Illusion of Control

The whole reason for the monthly tracking was to distill down the essential efforts which selfishly, make me feel great as a person. It shouldn’t come as a shock, but with consistency my energy is higher, my sleep is better, my body “looks” better and I’m in control of my symptoms…but am I????

I realized the scorecard work is a daily mechanism and a lever of consistency I can count on. What it isn’t however, is a forcefield of control. I’ve yet to truly find out how to stay in remission 24/7. I am learning through trial and error the elements of my lifestyle I have to avoid or limit.

I have a disease. The disease doesn’t have me.

I got to a point the last week or so, which some may call submission. Brilliant doctors across the globe are studying this disease and how it’s triggered. They’re studying how to treat it and keep their patients in remission. Right now, there isn’t a true “cure” so there is a good chance it could be with me for some time. I’m keenly aware of this and I know I’ve also navigated similar disruptions in the past. ~This too shall pass.

Although the physical aspect of the disease isn’t pretty, and I don’t wish it on anyone, I think the mental piece is actually harder because it is omnipresent. These are the daily thoughts of someone with Crohn’s Disease or UC:

  • What am I going to eat, and how will it make me feel?
  • (if) for some reason I shouldn’t feel good, is there a restroom nearby?
  • if not nearby, where is the closest one?
  • How long are we going to be in the car?
  • Am I actually feeling really good today… cup coffee, or a beer sounds lovely (but also problematic)
  • How long will I have to be on this medication?
  • How do I tell those close to me I need to back out of _____________ (meeting, event, trip, etc.) without being a huge flake?

Searching for the answers to these daily “lifestyle” questions can be anxious and exhausting and why I spend so much time trying to sharpen my mental axe. I know the disease is going to punch back, and when it does, I need to be ready. I need to be ready to show up for my family, my friends, my coworkers and yes…myself!

Perspective is Always Necessary

I have a friend battling cancer. First it was lung cancer (and he never smoked), he beat that…TWICE! Now he’s fighting the same fight against brain cancer with complete faith and his wife by his side. Wow!! To be that strong. Remarkable doesn’t even begin to describe it. But you can read about it here: Eat Pray Breathe

I leave this post thinking about reading more research and trying to gain a better understand of what “springtime” in the midwest has to do with my body annually battling inflammation. I wonder if others experience similar seasonality with symptoms? Either way, tomorrow is May 1st, and it will be back to work on restoring vitality and continuing momentum!

PS – my wife is amazing and always picks up the slack.

The betterhelp Response – Overwhelming

The outpouring of responses from my latest post was intense in the best of ways. I had a very strong suspicion there were many others out there like me, experiencing the same [bottled up] feelings I had two years ago. What I didn’t know, is I’d hear from so many of you in droves. You are brave for reaching out and trusting in me to have the conversation!

THANK YOU!

In case you missed it, this is the post which sparked overwhelming response: My Journey with betterhelp.

I received this message from a friend I haven’t heard from in some time. I was instantly moved and felt connected. Here is a selection,

“Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either.”

I received DOZENS of messages like these

Lets be honest. I don’t have the reach of internet sensations: Tim Ferriss, or Rich Roll, or Brene Brown. I figured I’d receive a text and email or two from the post (because I almost always do), but the responses came pouring in and they came in almost immediately. In my nearly 10 years of blogging and sharing my perspective, I’ve NEVER gotten the feedback like I did here. Nor have I felt the instant gratitude to start conversations with people I connected with throughout my life.

I decided to anonymize those who sent feedback to show you what I already believed to be true. Many men are walking a similar journey and had similar stigma around getting help. Some have a history of struggle. Some are in it right now. But all have found a way to seek guidance or hear another voice…besides the voice in their head. If you reached out to me, here is a snippet of what your peers had to say! They appreciate you without even knowing it!

A Friend, an athlete, a great Dad

I read your post regarding therapy. I commend you for doing that, it’s not an easy thing to do much less post about it on your social media. I have been on again/ off again with therapy/ meds for anxiety and depression. A lot of the causes resonated with me because those are some of the same things that reared their ugly head when I was going through it/ still going through it. Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either. I am glad you got out of therapy what you did and are on the other side of it. I am still working through it, but therapy has helped.

A friend, a peer, a great Dad

Good post brother! I’ve met with Aaron Kampman quarterly for the last several years. https://www.thealignprocess.com/aaron-kampman From a mental health standpoint, it is freeing. For me, weight lifts off my shoulders after each session.

A Business Peer

Loved your post Zac. Thank you for your honesty and the courage to put yourself out there for others who may be feeling similarly or the same. I think many of us were/are in a similar boat, but as men, we typically are the last ones to seek out self-care, especially when we have others to care for who come first (wife/partner, child, parents, etc.) I know that’s the challenge I struggle with daily.

A friend, and a rebuilding story

Great post tonight! It hit home for me. It took going through a divorce, therapy, and a lot of self-reflection to get me back to my true self. The toughen up and push through it mentally doesn’t work, and it really just fuels anxiety to the point of changing who you really are. Being vulnerable is where it is at! Thanks for sharing!

A successful business associate, peer and Dad

I’m reaching out because I wanted to let you know that I saw your post about your journey with betterhelp, and I wanted to say THANK YOU for posting that! I’ve been struggling with certain things as well, predominantly professionally, and that post caught me at the exact right time!

A friend, business associate, and great Dad

Love the blog. Thanks for sharing. One of my favorite quotes…Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought. ~James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

As I was sweating through a Peloton ride this morning, my session ended with Emma Lovewell saying this,

When we show up for ourselves, we have the ability to show up as our best-self for others around us

My Journey with betterhelp

Let me be very upfront. I never thought I’d be here. It wasn’t part of my being, upbringing or belief system. Here means, writing these words and more importantly…sharing what is to follow. But if I don’t share, who will know? And sometimes all it takes is knowing someone else’s path to change yours!

It’s also important to know WHO I’m writing this for. Albeit, I hope this message can help 10s or 100s of young men, or fathers not feel alone in their feelings, there is one in particular I’m on the lookout for. My 8-year old son…who is yet to become a man. We are SO MUCH alike, I understand he may walk a similar path in his 20s, 30s or 40s and I want him to know where Dad was at a shared time of life. Love you Landon!

How did we get here?

This is a post about the dichotomy of security and vulnerability. Let me first say I’m incredibly hopeful and grateful in writing this post. I’m hopeful this message will reach another human (likely a male) who is looking for support or structure in uncertainty. I’m secure enough as a person to know I can share these thoughts without fear, and vulnerable enough to get to the truth in the process.

I’d like to be abundantly clear that I thought mental health and a person seeking ‘help’ were W-E-A-K when I was in my younger years. I’d experienced a few people around me who struggled with depression or anxiety, but I just didn’t get it. I couldn’t rationalize or empathize and like any young and arrogant 20-something I thought “toughen up” and “move through it” were the answers. I’m sorry I thought that. I’m sorry I was so naive.

I guess the old saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” is at play here.

The Additive Components

As I get older, I’m becoming more of a thinker and try to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I don’t think the melancholy “feels” I had in 2021 were merely a result of COVID. That said, COVID may have been the great accelerator in the process! I believe the following stressful components were all at play over time:

  • Multiple Rounds of IVF to have our two kids (these are definitely stressful times and they added up)
  • Battling Ulcerative Colitis Flares – This is definitely a source of trauma for me since I was 27. I’ve gone through enough to know what to expect…and it isn’t pretty.
  • Never Ending Ambition and Achievement – I’m wired this way! Hard to shut it off.
  • Lockdowns and Kids at Home – Juggling a business that immediately took a turn into a ravine while having kids at home was flat out hard. Trying to find balance amongst it all was very challenging and I suck at balance.
  • COVID layoffs – One is hard, two is enough. I think I participated in three in total including 2020 and dealing with the wake of COVID. This left me feeling entirely hallow. Lives were being upended and as a leader, I felt responsible.
  • Resentment – I held this in a large capacity due to an expectation of a business deal/payoff that was likely floundering and consequent relationships left in that wake. Both put me in a sour and grumpy state quite regularly. The more I thought, the more betrayed I felt.
  • Relationship With my Wife – We weren’t in an awful state, but we weren’t good from the notable life changes we were both juggling above. Most days felt more like survival in a weird sense and everyone was on edge. She was trying to manage the kids while I looked after the business that was running poorly.
  • Daily Dose of Bad News – Every day upon waking from a Princess and the Pea “less than restful” night of sleep it was like I was waiting for impending doom. How much money had we lost? What clients disappeared? Who resigned? Who is sick? What can I do about any of this anyway?????

Add all these components up and you’ve got a toxic fear-based cocktail being consumed multiple times daily.

Falling into the Gray

A few weeks ago I stumbled on to the Unbreakable Podcast with host Jay Glazer after hearing it promoted. I was drawn to his very first guest and a man I have a great deal of respect for, Sean McVay. Together, they discuss what Jay labels as “the gray” and unpack what it means to both of them to be more vulnerable in their mental health journeys. I really encourage the listen as I thought it helped add a ton of context to what I was feeling and experiencing. It’s different for every person, but similar all the same. Jay also gave me the motivation to be “man enough” publish this post.

It All Took a Toll

The most meaningful steps I believe I took in my 30s were the steps toward more self-awareness (the good and the bad). Two years ago, I was self aware enough and at a point where I knew I just needed some help. Every day I seemed to feel worse and worse both physically and mentally. My physical body was taking a toll and I couldn’t continue on without a radical shift in behavior. I needed someone else with whom I could speak with who was unbiased and could rationalize a path forward.

Let me also be very clear that I never once thought about hurting myself or others around me. I’ve never been there and I can’t say I know anything about those feelings, but I’m undoubtably respectful of those who are in this place! I empathize with you. Seek help. Talk. Michael Phelps said it here, “It’s ok, to not be OK!”

I Raised My Hand – I Need Some Help

I’m not sure I can identify the mechanism of “how” I found betterhelp, but I’m incredibly happy I did. It may honestly have been the social-distancing necessity of the pandemic and the virtual nature of all things meant this guy didn’t have to sit down across from someone I didn’t know and pour out my feelings(in person). I don’t know if my pride or ego was ready for that. Moving forward, it felt like the right answer and I was assigned a therapist based on a questionnaire they provided. We were off. My first session was scheduled…and I was nervous as hell.

~PAUSE~ Holy Shit…am I really doing this???

Oh my god. Was I ready for this? What did I just sign up for? What questions would she ask? Would I be vulnerable enough to tell the truth? (yes, us men struggle with this if it means violating our “manhood”) What if I needed more help? What if I cried? What if…

What if…This Was Exactly What I Needed?

I took notes on the process and found the back-and-forth journaling exercises from betterhelp to be very helpful. My journey started with some EMDR therapy to slow me down (My words, not the therapist’s). I needed to unwind all that had become fiercely tangled up. Next, we truly unpacked each of the elements leading up to why I was there in the first place. One by One. Every experience. Every element of PTSD I was laboring over. I was caught in a feedback loop and the merry-go-round was spinning too fast to get off or even let go.

After only a few sessions I feel like I changed my tone from “fix me, I’m broken,” to a much more curious person ready to explore who’d I’d become as a result of all the elements noted above. I’d been able to gain control of what I was experiencing and talk through it. I was still stressed, but I felt like the possibility of feeling better (not stressed 24/7) existed again. I once heard meditation described as, being able to look at the washing machine, from the outside, while it is running. I feel this way about my experience with therapy.

After a few months, some serious self care and inner work, I was starting to feel like myself again. I was getting my swagger back. I think part of this was timing of how the world was coming out of the pandemic, but I also believe I’d become much more at peace with what I could and couldn’t control. After all, that’s what all of this is about isn’t it? Control and expectations!

Looking Forward

I’m not perfect and don’t pretend to be. I have many thoughts, but don’t own all the answers. This is yet another example of life happening to me and being vulnerable enough to know I needed guidance. I hope this message can find someone in need of help and know a stubborn, sometimes overly-confident and prideful person like myself walked a similar path to find resources.

My therapist left me with these thoughts. “Life will most certainly get hard again at some point. Lean on these experiences to get through it smoother than you did last time and know you have tools at your disposal to slow it all down. It’s very likely you will encounter another Colitis flare in life…and you can work to get through it, just as you have the rest of them.”

I don’t know if ALL THERAPY works. What I know, is that I’m incredibly grateful to the betterhelp team and my therapist who helped me get through a tough patch in my life. You removed any stigma I had around the thought of seeking help and I hope others can follow a similar path if needed.

To Landon, should you be reading this years from now, know that it’s ok to talk to Dad openly about it and what you may be experiencing. I’ll listen!

January ’23 Scorecard Results and Feelings

It’s my first month recapping my newly refreshed personal scorecard and the most important reflection of any month is two-fold for me.

  1. How do I feel? (Physically, Mentally, Spiritually)
  2. Where is my momentum?

I made a few noticeable scorecard changes headed into 2023, all of which draw me closer to creating positive momentum in my life, relationships and general wellbeing. If you’d like, you can catch up on the revision news here [Evolution of the Scorecard].

How do I feel?

As we recap January I feel physically great. To be very candid, I’m actually really tired of the snow and cold weather…but I control neither of those (other than booking the nearest flight to tropical waters). As for what I can control, I worked out 24 times in January. I set (4) PRs on Peloton rides, which I believe is more than any other month since I started riding and even stacked a couple Two-a-Day workouts. I cranked out 1,660 pull ups in my quest to conquer 10,000 annually in 2023. I’ve also been following a more disciplined food regime (I wouldn’t call it a diet). The Wahls Protocol. My ulcerative colitis symptoms are in remission or non-existent and I’m generally sleeping well. Coincidence…or momentum harnessed as a result of the work?

Mentally I also feel like I’m in a great spot. I can’t say I’ve had any real headwinds to battle, other than about this time every year, I get sick of being cold and dark. Winter UGH. I would like to work a little harder on my daily discipline with my mediation work, because when we least expect it…that’s when life sends challenges. That’s why we prepare every day. Work to do here. Easy to do. Easy NOT to do.

Spiritually, I feel pretty good as well. I actually took the time to make note of a few bible verses during recent Orchard Hill sermons and did something I haven’t habitually done, which is return back and read them at a later date and reflect upon what I needed to ingest. The only gap in my “pretty good” response is my wife and I are looking for a more permanent church to call home and to integrate the kids. As with many things, I think some focused action here will win out.

Where is Momentum?

There are times when I feel like I mention or reference momentum too often. There are other times when I feel like it should be talked about much MUCH more. The importance of generating momentum is a critical life skill because we all get knocked off track sooner or later. It’s knowing how to get back on track (quickly) that’s a real life hack! Everyone is looking for “hacks”, so why not figure out what gives you energy and results in jumping out of the blocks quick…like a spry rabbit.

I’m fulfilled with the tailwinds January generated. Beyond the exercise, I’m happy with executing a 24+ hr fast and spending focused “date” time with Mrs. Keeney. We had a couple lunches together and a night out with friends which was so much fun and needed!. Fasting and Date Night were each new additions to my monthly focus, and I’m happy to say each was COMPLETED in January.

Do the work. Get the reward.

It comes as no shock to me I’m feeling energized wrapping up what usually feels like the l-o-n-g-e-s-t month of the year. I identified those essential activities which give me energy and vitally. I completed the necessary efforts with discipline and momentum is my reward. Simple. But not easy.

I leave you with this challenge.

  • Where are you with generating momentum in your life?
  • What’s keeping you from defining the essential efforts in your life?
  • I’ve heard from others who were looking to create similar “Scorecards” – would you be willing to share?

I look forward to hearing from you!

The Evolution of the Scorecard

I’d been mulling changes to my scorecard for a few weeks now, and some recent reading is telling me NOW is the time to evolve my monthly tracking ritual.

Welcome to the 2023 Version of the Keen Mind Scorecard

First off, lets note the elements that didn’t change:

  • Meditation – This discipline remains a staple in my monthly effort. 20X minimum.
  • Exercise – There is slight change in this area of focus with a +2 increase in monthly minimum effort.
  • Church – No change to this effort from previous scorecard.
  • (2) Books – No change. I’ll continue to strive to consume one written and one audiobook per month.

Now for the NEW STUFF:

  1. 24-Hr. Fast: I got to this one in a roundabout and rather unconventional way. I’ve had my fair share of colonoscopies for a 40-year old. That said, I have learned something from this process. Each colonoscopy requires a 24+ hour fasting period as “prep” for the event. Prep is a funny word, as they really should call it [aggressively] draining every ounce of food in your digestive track. Either way, I’ll consume only coffee, tea, or water in this process and a really interesting thing happens. It feels odd from about the 12-16 hour mark because I’m typically hungry, but then it feels like my body really settles into the challenge. From here, I do feel a slight boost of adrenaline and mental sharpness. This is also when the body starts to detoxify itself and heal…two things my Autoimmune condition can really appreciate. For all these reasons, I’m going to attempt to conquer one 24 hour fast per month. Easy to do, easy NOT to do.
  2. Dating My Wife: I was primed to add this to my monthly scorecard by reading The Warrior Book. Balance is one of Garrett’s areas of focus with his family and his “date night” is something they DO NOT gravitate away from. Selfishly speaking this is something my wife and I can work on. We’ve got two young kids (4 and 8) and we’re busy. But we’re not sooo busy that we can’t make time for just the two of us to reconnect. Honestly, I was going to only have 1x per week on here, but that felt lazy and pretty weak candidly. So two it is. Grab a babysitter and get out there!

Pass on Resolutions – Find Momentum

As I’ve challenge many before, don’t go the path of New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, I challenge all readers to find the things that truly make you “feel good” and hone in on the frequency needed to gamify your own lifestyle. When you see it on paper in front of you, accountability ensues.

As former Navy Seal Jocko Willink says in his NY Time Bestseller: Discipline Equals Freedom. My scorecard is my connection to freedom.

~Happy New Year All!

PS – Here’s a short list of the elements that didn’t make the list:

  • Ice Bath – I was thinking of a 6-8X a month Ice bath but I’m going to leave that one alone for now and see how the current revisions play out.
  • Charitable Contribution – I was considering sticking to a monthly dedication of a charitable donation, but we do a pretty good job of this and didn’t feel the need to stay after it on a monthly regimen.
  • Kids Date Night [with each child] – Kids need total focus too and I was REALLY close to putting this one on there. I’m going to keep it in mind as my wife and I work on our accountability.

My Results. My Intentions

The King of Pop stated it simply,

“I’m starting with the Man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways”

I am the Man in the Mirror. The reflection of the results I see, are a direct output of my intentions from 2022. David Goggins in his book, Can’t Hurt Me, spoke to himself through the reflection of his Accountability Mirror. The mirror doesn’t tell lies or have feelings or stories. The mirror and the reflection it produces only reflects the truth.

As I move forward into a new year, I will NOT be stating a New Year’s Resolution.

Instead, I’ll be writing down and reinforcing my intentions for the days and weeks ahead. Sum all these efforts together and I’ll have a year’s worth of progress.

Tony Robbins has a wonderful saying and I think it jumps off the page in relationship to this post.

We don’t get our shoulds…but we get our MUSTS!

Although this is obvious and I love it, I feel like intentions can sometimes be more subtle. Here are a few examples:

  • I “Never” miss an episode of ______________________ (that’s focus intention)
  • Wednesdays are my boys night where we meet up and have a cocktail (that’s time intention)
  • I’ve got to have the newest _________________ (that’s spend intention)
  • I always have a beer watching the game (that’s body/diet intention)
  • The 2nd Thursday of every month is date-night for my wife and I (that’s balance/relationship intention)
  • Wednesday mornings I time block to study and look deeper into my business (that’s time intention)
  • July is the month we always take a week-long family vacation (that’s balance intention)
  • I try to never miss a day without a green smoothie (that’s diet intention)

None are good. None are bad. They are simply focused choices.

We all have the same amount of time.

That’s the mindf*ck of it all. If you want to get super deep in the idea of time management listen to this Ed Mylett podcast [Respect and Protect Your Time] with guest Rob Dyrdek. Rob has gotten maniacal with the focused distribution of his most valuable resource: Time.

As I head into 2023, I’ll be refining my intentions for the the Warrior’s Way and making daily progress on: Body, Being, Balance, and Business.

If I start a post with MJ, I’ll end with MJ.

If you want to make the world a better place, better look at yourself and make a change

I know what I want and I’ll get after it with intention. Results are certain to follow.