Tag Archives: Balance

How Will You Arrive?

Fresh off a 5K run. Drenched in sweat and about to text my buddy Steve.

As the sun rises and the sun sets, I step closer and closer to that milestone birthday I once dreaded and made fun of in my 20s. Now as this milestone quickly approaches, I’m hopeful to believe life is less than half complete. Yes I’ll confess my age. I’m on the doorstep of 40!

What inevitability awaits is marketed to us on the daily. Do gray hairs now populate my head and beard? Could the waistline be slightly expanding? Is my club head speed beginning to deteriorate?

A couple months back around the holidays I was texting with a good friend of mine after a workout. Sweaty, but feeling energized from my recent accomplishment pounding the treadmill for a few miles I reminded him of the impending doom on our horizon. Our 40th birthdays would both come calling in March of 2022.

The question wasn’t if we’d make it to the milestone. No. We were certainly on a crash course with a “mid-life” encounter. The question I posed to him was, “How will we arrive at 40?”

How would I arrive for my wife?

Would I have the vitality necessary to keep a 20-year relationship fun and strong? Would I be desirable in my life choices or is the beer gut winning out? Am I doing my best to balance being a provider, a parent and a partner?

How would we arrive for my kids?

Would we have the energy, or more than enough energy to keep up with them as they grow out of babies into their adolescent years? Do we own enough discipline to know when to put work away and pickup a ball or book with our kids?

How would we arrive for ourselves?

How is our physical, mental and spiritual health at a time when we’re pulled in so many directions? Are we continuing to take on new and curious challenges to keep growing as individuals? Do we also own a deep gratitude to know we are “enough” today?

How would we arrive for our friends?

Are we someone a friend can trust or count on in a time of need? Or are we the one who seldom returns a call or text? Instead choosing the lazy route of disappearing into the ether of a “busy” life void of the connections we truly cherish?

A decade ago…

I shared somewhat similar and more surface level thoughts about this topic as I was nearing 30 and trying (unsuccessfully at the time) to start a family. Was I the reason my wife and I were unable to conceive? Was it my lifestyle that needed an overhaul? If we were blessed with kids, how would I arrive as a parent?

Time is a wonderful teacher. Ten years and a lot of life in between offer more perspective and more thoughtful reflection as I continue on this journey called life.

I now understand life is consistently presenting us with milestones. Each milestone contains a mini finish line on the horizon. Each finish line provides an opportune time time to ask, “How will I arrive when I break the tape of _______________ life event?

If you currently find yourself addicted, overweight, out of shape, anxious, or simply less than your best self…look forward to your next milestone and leverage the journey ahead for meaningful progress.

I don’t care if you’re soon to be graduating college, turning 30, welcoming your first child, turning 50, or soon to be 80 years young. Life is giving us all the opportunity to pause and take stock. Not that we are perfect or in pursuit of perfection. But that we HAVE ARRIVED!

HOW WILL YOU ARRIVE?

Why I Stopped Lying to Myself About Balance

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I would venture to say in the last five years I’ve read over 100 books, blogs and quotes about work/life balance.  Each one of them reflected on finding the perfect balance of work and life.  This balance would be achieved by allocating time between family, work, hobbies, your faith and exercise.  Those finding balance are quick to tell everyone they encounter about their “perfect” life and what you can learn from it.

Here’s the problem with this scenario.  The word “perfect” is different for everyone and I SUCK at balance.

I stopped lying to myself about it because I don’t even like balance and my personality isn’t setup for it.  The second I realized this, I immediately felt better about the balance I did have in my life.  I found myself wanting a balance I would probably never achieve, and even if I did achieve it, it wouldn’t make me happy.  Anytime I find myself “wanting”, it’s time to press pause.

Pause for happiness.  That’s what true balance is about in my life.  If you want to relentlessly pursue balance in your life, do it because it makes you happy.  Do it because it makes you a better person to be around.  Not because a blog said it’s the only way to salvation.

Honestly, I like my work.  My perfect balance is being 100% involved in the work I’m doing and the people I’m accomplishing with.  It means sometimes not being able to shut off my mind and to look at challenges from unique angles at weird times.  This makes me happy.  I love a new challenge and being able to make a positive impact.  I love letting creative solutions flow and working to make a difference.  I also love spending precious time with family and friends.

That said, I’m trying to make progress.  I’m working on getting more involved spiritually, volunteering and I work to make time for my wife and growing family by getting away where it’s just the two of us (soon to be three of us).  I know when the next Keeney does come into the world, this will likely change and I’m ready for what the next version of balance looks like.

ACTION ITEM: Balance isn’t a final destination.  Balance is an evolving thing requiring effort and determination.  All I’m asking you to do is understand what balance looks like for you, not what someone else has decided their “perfect” balance looks like.  If someone doesn’t like your version of balance, it’s their opinion.