Tag Archives: The Process

The Paradox: Acceptance vs. Achievement

I’ve thought many times. Am I bi-polar, because I can’t choose my path? I often feel both powers of acceptance and achievement at play in my life like a cosmic duel. I want to push-push-push, and then sometimes completely LET GO. I also struggle with the ability to know when to STOP pushing.

It’s the yin and the yang, the push and the pull. Accepting vs. achieving. One day I’m listening to Zac Brown Band or classical piano, the next day it’s Jay-Z and 2Pac. But I guess that’s the rhythm of life at play.

Lets be real…I’m self diagnosed TYPE A. I’ve never been short on ambition and I take tremendous pride for the ability to “achieve” the goals set out in front of me. There are times however (many of them), where I wonder if my ambition causes me to hold on too tight, or expect immediate outcomes from my steering. The quote, “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me” would be spot on for this behavior.

I’ve heard Grant Cardone speak to this by saying, “Everything is my fault.” Good. Bad. Indifferent. It’s up to no one else, but me. 100% Ownership of all outcomes. This vibe comes to me pretty easily, but I also believe over time it stresses and oxidizes the body.

To complete the paradox, there are other times I feel absolute acceptance.

What will be, will be. I can gulp this behavior down like a shot of Robitussin, but it is possible.

The Principle: accept any and all outcomes from the effort, no matter good or bad. The side of me hoping and practicing to be decent Christian feels the need to consistently improve upon this line of thinking. The bible is littered with tales of submission and acceptance to the plan of the higher power.

What I’m learning is, Acceptance isn’t a behavior of throwing up my arms and simply being sloth waiting for life to hit from every direction. It’s not learned helplessness. The effort part is the only control. The outcome actually isn’t up to me.

Enter stoicism.

When I first thought of the stoics, I thought they were void of all feelings and robotic. It’s actually opposite of that. Stoicism is about radical acceptance. Feel all the feelings, but be non-judgmental. Love what happens to you and see it as a chance for personal growth.

“What a power man has to do nothing except what God will approve, and to accept all that God may give him.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.11

If you’re curious on the stoics, their thinking, or a daily practice, I highly recommend the book by Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic. The daily practice of reading one page of stoic philosophy helps rewire my brain for a more pragmatic approach that’s been battle tested 2,000 years ago.

“Demand not that events should happen as you wish; but wish them to happen as they do happen, and you will go on well”

Epictetus, Enchiridion 8

Striking a Balance

That’s acceptance and achievement in the perfect balance for me. It’s a beautiful two-part harmony. Use my achievement wiring to drive the effort piece of the equation. Without effort, little can or will be achieved. As legendary coach Nick Saban calls it, “The Process”. Do what’s in front of you. Do your job. Do it well. Do it with consistency.

I’ll lean on the continued growth of my acceptance muscles to better accept the outcome. Good or bad, what happened, happened and a new path forward may need to be considered.

Personal Value & Personality Flaws

I have a personality flaw.

Ok, let me be honest with the church here…I have many. That said, one I’m noticing more and more is the connection of my business and personal life, based on RESULTS. Join me, if you will, on this flow of consciousness

If the business is good and successful, life is good. Life is great! But this can also lead to an over-inflated sense of SELF. Not the direction I’m looking for.

If the business isn’t going the way I want it to (how could such a thing happen?!?!?), I reflect it personally. Beating myself up over every detail. As you can probably understand, this event, or ebb and flow, happens many times over the days, weeks, and years. I’m only starting to rationalize with it more now after reflecting back.

I figured I write so often about personal improvement, mindset, and strategies to be more successful, I didn’t want the audience thinking I’m without fault or flaw. It’s probably just the opposite.

But the internet isn’t a place for that really is it?

The social sharing world of today is “filtered” – literally. I’m great. We’re great. Look at where we are!! We see only the 5% of what people want us to see.

Well, here’s where I am, and it comes from a position of vulnerability.

There is so much happening to the world largely out of my control. I need to get better at not letting it impact my day-to-day, and week-to-week attitude. Good or bad. Control what can be controlled.  The rest…just happens.

Our society is in a speed it up, speed it up race. Same goes for results. Get in, or get out…and even when you’re in, it is only “what have you done for me lately,” get in. Then you’re —–> OUT.

<Insert Suggestions from the audience>  How does one get better at this?

Here’s what I can say. I’m getting more in tune with loving THE PROCESS. Nick Saban preaches it daily with his Alabama football program. Here is a terrific excerpt from a Business Insider article,

 “The players would concentrate only on winning those seconds, take a rest between plays, then do it all over again. There would be no focus at all on the scoreboard or on the end results.”

This Business Insider video on the Samurai Process is a wonderful follow up to Saban’s focus on the process.

It’s working every rep, every drill, finishing every practice in athletics. It’s about the every day efforts leading up to the collective wins in mass. Doing the work with championship consistency and letting the results speak for themselves.

My thought on this is simple. If all I (or anyone) ever focused on is the final result, the end feeling will be extremely empty. Even if the wins largely outweigh the losses. I liken it to having an endless appetite and no meal will fill the emptiness that exists. Just keep eating.

No matter what, when you’re wired like I am, no amount of winning will never be enough, and losses all suck. Really really suck. There is a massive lack of appreciation there.

This is not where happiness and thriving live.

The greats. The pros. The all-timers. All were in love with the process. It’s the only thing keeping them from quitting, when the results inevitably don’t go their way, or the flip side…when they’ve been to the mountain top, and still search for more.

ACTION ITEM: This one’s on me. I’m working on my mindset. I’m working on loosening the connection. Work in progress.

Thanks for listening.