Author Archives: Zac Keeney

What You Can Learn Talking To Yourself (Out Loud)

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Internal Dialogue.

When’s the last time you had a really great conversation, with yourself?

Every one of us has one going 24/7.

  • Today is going to be a great day.  Good breakfast and I’m pumped up to do big things.
  • I think I did really great in that presentation and I love our solution. I feel great about the rest of the day.
  • Dressed for success and a good hair day…BIG things happening.
  • Why was that guy such a d*ck on the phone? Opportunity DEAD.
  • Should I buy that stock today, or wait? Probably wait…remember the last time you waited. Dummy!
  • Why isn’t this deal going the way I want. I deserve more. Do I though? Nothings really changed. Maybe I’m the reason…
  • I haven’t heard from Joe. I wonder if he’s happy? You know what, he’s probably looking for another job. I don’t want him to leave (FYI – Joe is fictional in this scenario if you’re all wondering)
  • I wonder if I’m being aggressive enough in pursuit of my dreams. But I don’t want to be greedy. But, action always beats inaction.
  • Eewwwww…feel that? Is that indigestion or something else. Oh, its probably bad. Damnit, I don’t want to be sick and have my stomach bother me NOW. What if something bad happens to me?
  • I need to be in better shape like right now (200 pushups and 500 sit ups ensue)
  • Who can I help today? Somebody has to need something out there.
  • Should I go to the World Series?
  • I need to get this post up on my blog about self talk

HERE WE ARE!

The more I consume via books, podcasts, and videos, the more I’m completely vested in the idea our thoughts control our outcomes. But you must be saying, how do I learn to control my thoughts?

Sometimes all it takes is saying something out loud to see it more clearly.  Good or bad. Clarity is needed.

Our thoughts do a very funny thing the moment they meet oxygen. The second self talk comes through your brain, travels out your mouth and mixes with oxygen, it turns from something extremely complex, to a simplified thought. It also becomes real. Your thought strides confidently  without the cloak of hundreds of feelings and “what-if” scenarios attached.

I’ve literally struggled with a problem for what seemed like weeks, but when I decided to talk to myself the solution became evident and laughable.

Obvious would be a good way to put it.

There it is. The thought. Naked and out in the open as the day we were all born. See your thought for exactly what it is, but don’t see it for more, or ever worse than it is.  Now make a decision about how to handle it.

Internal dialogue that stays internal will run the gamut of your brain’s capabilities. That same brain and human body are designed to find problems. It’s 2,000+ years of hard wiring unwilling to change.  So why fight it?

Talk to yourself out loud.

If you think you’ll look weird, you will if you’re doing it in the middle of the mall, rocking on a bench with your hands over your face.

Don’t do that.

Instead do it in your car. Do it while you’re on a run, or mowing the lawn. Find somewhere private or some alone time to talk to yourself. You’ll feel better and the future will be more clear.

ACTION ITEM: Talk about your fears, your anxieties, your goals and your dreams. Let the air hit them and hear your thoughts out loud. Make it a habit to talk to yourself more often!

Bonus – After I finished this post, I was doing some image searching and stumbled across a few reads I thought you might find interesting related to this topic.

  1. http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/9-surprising-benefits-talking-yourself
  2. http://www.today.com/health/talk-yourself-out-loud-here-s-why-experts-say-s-t76531
  3. http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/people-talk-to-themselves/1105688/

 

The Most Under Asked Question in a Data Driven Society

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How do you Feel?

Take a step back from reading this for just a moment and reflect back on your day.

How many decisions do you think you made?

Fifty?  More like 100+?

When it came down to making those decisions, did you have ALL the data, or is there a chance you made the decision based on feelings?

Don’t EVER forget about feelings and the power they have in our outcomes.

Mind you, I’m not advocating data not be used.  By all means, it should be used 100% of the time where it is available. Surround yourself with people who can paint the most accurate picture of what the data says. But when you have nothing left to support your decision making, NEVER forget about feelings.

Data supports. Feelings enforce and most importantly provide CONTEXT.

Most of us work with human beings every day.  We talk, we listen (hopefully), we educate, we sell to human beings.  Incase you haven’t engaged with a human being lately…we’re really complex creatures.

Complex = Lots & LOTS of feelings.  

Finding out how a person feels about something is vitally important in understanding who they are and what they’re looking for.  This can’t and won’t ever be solved via data.

I’m making the argument for more qualitative engagement and not solely relying on quantitative.

At our core, human beings search for connection, and that connection includes the sharing of feelings.  Not only the data set of being 25-34, with a son, a wife, business, and a mortgage.  Data.

Let me tell you how I feel to get the real story between the lines of data.

ACTION ITEM: I think this is the most under utilized question in business.

How do you feel?

Monday Doesn’t Matter

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Here’s the thing. It’s Monday.

Are you dreading Monday?

Most successful people I know, or follow, LOOK FORWARD to Monday. They embrace it like the hug of a loved one.

If you work every week of your life dreading Monday, and celebrating wildly on every Friday, I’m going to guess you’re not hitting your BIG targets.

Let me tell you why Monday doesn’t matter in your mental makeup.

Why Monday Doesn’t Matter:

  1. The swings are too large. The depression of Monday and the elation of Friday set the mind on a rollercoaster ride. Too high. Too Low. Balance and momentum are somewhere in the middle.
  2. To achieve success (whatever that may be to you), a weekly (and inevitable) Monday can’t set you off your track. Your goals are too big to get kicked in the face weekly for a “Case of The Mondays” uh-oh-sounds
  3. What does Monday really matter? What does it really matter? There are seven days in a week. I’m not recommending you work every single one of them, but I do think you can work on yourself every day of the week. Leaving Monday out of the mix is like only operating at 85% of optimal capacity.
  4. Think of the upper hand you’d have over all the “Monday Haters” if you showed up ready to kick Monday’s ass on a weekly basis instead of simply fighting and holding on so that Tuesday may inevitably show up.

You have five really solid days a week to make progress. Not Monday to throw away, and Friday to breeze into a weekend. Make the most of it and I PROMISE you’ll see the change.

ACTION ITEM: Take Sunday night and write down FIVE BIG things you want to accomplish the following week. If nothing else got done, you could live with these five wins. It can’t take more than 10 minutes. Spend your Monday making moves on the five things you wrote down.  Watch what happens.

Luck, Impatience, and Inching Along

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1 in 292 Million

These are roughly the odds of winning the powerball jackpot. Pretty poor odds if you ask me.

Why then, are so many people playing the lottery and trying to get lucky?

Because there is that ONE chance.

The hope in the “jackpot” can be felt. It’s immense. Its a real thing…real that in all likelihood will NEVER happen. But it could change our life tomorrow.  Tomorrow!

Impatience = searching for luck

Luck is a funny word. You work hard for years on a dream and when it happens you’re considered “lucky” because to all those who weren’t watching the entire time…it just happened ~ stupid people.

The fact of the matter is, the hard work was done achieving minuscule win after win, 10 or 15 years ago. However, when the trigger event happens, its then called luck.

Here’s what luck really looks like.
Patience.

Daily focus on a realized goal.

Every day working to literally inch forward, always progressing. Some days will progress more than others, but over time, tremendous momentum will be generated.

I’ve said to almost every team I’ve ever worked with, “how do we get a little better TODAY?” Same question the next day, and the next, and the next. Every day working on fine tuning the product. Never perfect, but always progressing.

Looking back on our team the past couple of years, collectively we’ve done some really amazing things. Together. Every day, by inching along. Reflecting back on two years of focused labor and momentum paints a much different picture that’s tough to see on a daily basis.

A beautiful picture of patience and persistence.

ACTION ITEM: Stop trying to hit a grand slam home run, with no one on base because you’re trying to get lucky and you’ve become impatient.

Exercise patience and maintain focus.
Inch Along with powerful momentum.

Go Get It. 

What if We Lived in a Trailer?

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I asked this question to my wife a few months back.

What if we lived in a trailer?
Imagine the look on her face…

Odd question I know, and in no means do I mean to offend anyone. It’s just that…I’ve never lived in a trailer. That said, I can promise you one thing, I’m not afraid of it either.

There comes a point when you have to realize something.

What are you afraid to lose?

I came to the following conclusion. If I have my wife, and my son, we’ll figure it out from there. What else is there to really worry about?

  • House?
  • Car?
  • Vacations?
  • Clothing?
  • Stuff?

I won’t lie one bit. I like to have nice things as much as the next guy, but reading stoic philosophy led me to a better understanding of how to see things for what they really are and nothing more. As Ryan Holiday puts it in his book The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph

Filet Mignon – Aged animal carcass
Great Wine – Old grapes
A beautiful car – transportation

If you’re worried about what your “friends” will think, I’ll give you the obvious answer.

They’re probably not really your friends. Move on.

By all means have fun. Experience all life has to offer and don’t feel one bit of guilt. But don’t get over committed to an empty and endless pursuit of more.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to take a chance or two along the way. The fear of losing your expensive car lease needs to be reevaluated.

This feeling of freedom will provide you all the energy and clear vision you need to achieve your goals.

ACTION ITEM: It’s ok to be afraid, but don’t be afraid of losing the wrong stuff.

Speed and Patience

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It is life’s constant dichotomy. The tortoise and the hare.

Hurry up.
S l o w  d o w n.

I think back to being 10 years old, longing to be a teenager. To be 16 and experience the freedom of driving and all things that came with it.

I think back to high school, looking forward to college and living what I’d been told would be the “time of your life,” only to have it rush by in the blink of an eye.

I think back to very early in my career. “Zac the Kid,” as one peer used to call me. I didn’t want to be the sharpe “young” guy anymore. I wanted a seat at the big boy table where the deals were done. I needed to be older, and having the face of a 16 year old wasn’t helping. Now my early twenties feels like so much more than a decade ago.

I think about my wife and I trying to get pregnant. No answer could come fast enough…but this isn’t something you can hurry. Here I am writing this just after celebrating my son’s second birthday and I can’t help but scream SLOW DOWN!!! 

But life doesn’t slow down. Oddly enough, we can’t speed it up either…no matter how hard we try. It only is, what is directly in front of us.

The best advice is only to embrace. Grab hold of the here and now and squeeze it tight for all you’ve got. Soon enough the moment will end, and you’ll be on to the next thing.

Personally, I’ll tell you very candidly I struggle with this. I get so focused on achieving and winning I forget to see what is right in front of me. That said, I’m working on it.

ACTION ITEM: I’m TRYING to be more present in the here and now. Join me.

 

Dying to be Impressed

Dying to be Impressed

World Class.

That’s exactly how I’d describe my recent dinner at O Ya (a new sushi place in New York City) a couple weeks ago. One of the only dinners I can recently remember that left me feeling utterly impressed and entirely exhausted.

I was exhausted because every round of the 18 course meal was its own little tasting universe. A two hour adventure for my tastebuds filled with unique flavors, textures, cool chills and slow mouth-watering burns artfully crafted for the eye and stomach. It was the most mentally exhausted I’ve ever been after a meal…and boy was I impressed. I won’t ever forget this meal or the service.

Oh and by the way, it wasn’t cheap…but entirely worth it. I bet there are at least 100 restaurants in the Flatiron district of Manhattan within two blocks of O Ya where we could’ve gotten stuffed. It wasn’t about money and I hope to do it again for the same expensive price. By the way, If you love the Sush (my short for sushi) check out the gallery and try not drooling on your keyboard.

Back to the experience. This is exactly what happens when you impress your audience. Your value goes up. You control more of the “ask” in the relationship.

People, clients, your boss, your closest friends. They’re all dying to be impressed.

Maybe a restaurant isn’t enough and you’d like a more real world example of someone (much more important than me)…dying to be impressed.

Enter Kevin Durant.

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The twenty seven year old NBA Superstar and mega free agent. Teams throughout the league came to his calling for services that would almost certainly cost them more than $30 million a year. The ironic thing about this story in my mind is everyone thought he’d stay in OKC (Oklahoma City). Every talk radio show and press I read had him staying put. EVERYONE. Apparently, everyone I just mentioned included OKC, their ownership, executives, coaches and team, because why on earth would Kevin leave a team one game (arguably one shot) away from beating the Golden State Warriors and heading to the NBA Finals?

He wasn’t impressed.

Who did impress him? The team that sent him packing in 2016. The team with the NBA record 73 regular season wins and already has three all-star level talents. They were dying to impress KD…and they did!

They went to so many lengths as to have four of their key players, their nucleus, show up arm-in-arm to meet with KD in the Hamptons (across the country from the “Golden State” of California) on New York’s coast. The logo (Jerry West) was also there from the GS Warriors management to help cement the deal.

They sold (and impressed the hell out of) Kevin Durant. He’s now a Golden State Warrior.

Thunder fans burned his jersey, the rest of the league cries foul, and a “super team” is formed yet again.  Whose fault is that? I blame Golden State for taking it upon themselves to leave no doubt. The rest of the teams came in second. Also interesting to note, it had nothing to do with money. He was going to get paid everywhere.

Just when you think you’ve got it whipped. Give the extra hour. Never forget the proverbial “icing on the cake” for every time you’re faced with an opportunity. The world is bombarded with mediocre pitches all day every day. Be great.  Take a risk and impress the hell out of someone.

Kevin Durant was the ultimate “buyer” in this high stakes buy-sell relationship. But all that said, I don’t care if you’re selling a car, a suit, a house, an architecture plan, an idea, or yourself.

Remember, the person on the other end is dying to be impressed.

Will you?

 

Unreasonable. My New Favorite Word

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Please say the following out loud, “Stop being unreasonable!”

What do you think of?

  • The jerk in the store?
  • Frustrated patron at a restaurant?
  • Parents expectations?
  • The price of an item that feels exaggerated?
  • Unfair terms in an agreement
  • Demanding boss

Does it feel sort of odd “Unreasonable” is my new favorite word with all the negativity?

Let me take you back to when I decided to get UNREASONABLE.

The moment of decision was a couple years ago. It was in this moment when it dawned on me.  The unreasonable end up getting more of what they want. Period. More time, money, freedom, flexibility, fringe benefits, you name it. The challenge for me (and I believe for most) is I wasn’t being specific enough on exactly what I wanted. I was being too reasonable in my pursuit.

That’s when I made my list. This list is saved on my computer, phone, and began hand-written in my notebook. The lists states I will be unreasonable in the pursuit of…

What does it say?  What does it say?

The list speaks very specifically to the future as if the event or pursuit already happen.  But first and more importantly, let me tell you what my list doesn’t include (and never will):

  1. I’d like to…
  2. Wouldn’t it be nice if…
  3. Someday I’ll…

Speaking in the tones mentioned above leaves the door open to the event not happening. They are far too conditional to make an all or nothing wager against. Words and phrases of this nature end in feelings of regret and being unfulfilled.

Time to get UNREASONABLE!

If you’d like me to divulge my list specifically, I won’t as it is too personal (and my wife doesn’t like sharing those things). However, ask me about it some time personally and I’ll give you some insight. What I can tell you right now is what the list contains.  My unreasonable lifestyle includes the following.  It contains words phrases like: I will, …

  1. Where will I work?  This is about not being tied to an office or desk.  Freedom & Flexibility.
  2. How will I work?  I won’t “work” or trade time for money.
  3. What am I worth or my time worth?
  4. Where exactly will my family live?
  5. What do we value most?
  6. How will we invest as a family for the future?
  7. Where do we choose to spend our time?

ACTION ITEM: Being unreasonable is an enormously positive thing when done the right way. When your reason or commitment is iron clad, when a decision is made, there are few things that will ever get in your way. Get specific and get unreasonable in your pursuit.

 

 

Find Your Confidence Triggers

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If you’ve ever done any reading on the topic of triggers or behavior, you’ll note that most often times the word “trigger” is linked directly to negative thoughts or actions.  Negative triggers may cause a person to:

  • Light up a cigarette
  • Grab an alcoholic drink
  • Cause panic or fear
  • Lose our temper
  • Devour an entire tub of ice cream

Whether you know it or won’t admit it, we all have negative triggers in our lives and we live them out daily.  I had many triggers (built up over time) that caused my brain to want chewing tobacco. I’m not proud of it, but I broke them down and got rid of them.

But what about the other side of the trigger?

The positivity triggers that put you at your highest level of confidence? Tony Robbins calls this level of confidence being in a “peak state”. Your peak state is the place where all is right, you’re in a flow, confidence is high, and you’re in full-on CRUSH MODE.

Why do you want to get here?

The answer should be obvious.  It’s where you are at your best.  You’re the most intelligent, the funniest, the most witty, the sharpest, the most confident, and the best version of you is on FULL display.  Arthur Ashe described it best and most simply.

Loose body, tight mind

Can you be in a peak state all of the time? No. You  simply can’t. Tight body, tight mind is much more prevalent today. This state is labeled: ANXIETY. This is what we want to avoid. That’s exactly why you need to identify the positivity triggers to bring you back when you’re struggling or when you’re anxious.

Think of a great scorer in basketball.

The game started and they missed their first 3-4 shots.  What is the single most important thing they can do in game to adjust?

Get to the free throw line immediately. Why? Many reasons really.

  1. Its an unobstructed view of the basket.  No defense = easier chance of conversion.
  2. All great scorers and free throw shooters have a rhythm or cadence at the line to prepare for the foul shots.  This cadence allows them to get back into flow immediately.
  3. Most important. Great shooters need to see the ball go in. They need the confidence boost. It only takes one bucket to drop as a shooter to know the rest of them are ALL going in.

I’m a much better basketball player (or at least I was) than I am a golfer.  But they’re not that much different.  What does a struggling golfer attempt to find first when they’re lost with their swing? Tempo. They’re not trying to hit a 230 yd three iron with a 5 yd draw.  They have a wedge in hand and they’re exclusively focused on a couple mechanics and tempo, tempo, tempo. Finding confidence in the swing.

So how can this look in our daily lives?

I can only speak for me and give you insight into a few of my positivity triggers.  Side note – a couple of them may sound a bit weird (I don’t care).  Find something that works…for YOU!

  1. Clothing – There is a shirt maker in Richmond, VA I love called Ledbury (Ledbury.com).  They make limited run dress shirts and their slim fit sizing fits me nearly perfectly (15.5″ neck of course if you’re thinking of gifting me one).  One may argue they’re a touch expensive, but expense is rather relative when I think of all the money I’ve made wearing these shirts.  Why do I love them?  Because they make me look good (sorry, I’m a vain person) and feel good. My confidence levels flow at a high level because I’m not worried or focused on what I’m wearing.  Big meeting, speaking engagement, pitch, guess what I’m wearing?  Ledbury.
  2. Soap – Call me crazy, but hear me out first.  Have you ever stayed in a really nice hotel and used a great (and likely scented) soap?  If yes, how did you feel coming out of that shower?  AWESOME.  Guess what I’ve done? I buy more of it and keep it handy for a BIG day or special occasions.  Once again.  How do you think I feel?  Awesome.  This isn’t a smell thing, its a state thing.  A personal favorite I picked up from W Hotels is Bliss Lemon and Sage 
  3. Morning Videos – Almost every day of the working week (Monday through Friday) I start my day at home with a locked in mindset on success. Where do I go? Youtube.  I make it a point every morning to reset my mind on my goals and a successful mindset.  If you want the specifics, I’ll watch videos from: Tony Robbins, Steve Jobs, Eric Thomas, Brendon Burchard, Robert Kiyosoki, stoic philosophy and the list goes on.  Motivation is fleeting and I believe the mind needs to be fed just as the body needs nutrition.  News flash folks, the morning news isn’t nutritious brain food.
  4. Personal Audio/Video – I keep a few files saved when I need a reminder just how abundant my life is with my wife and son. There are 3-4 very personal videos and audio files I have saved on my phone that I listen to when I’m faced with a tough scenario, business decision, or life throws me a curve ball.  A coupe of them bring tears to my eyes almost immediately and I find that’s about all a grown man needs to get back to center.  No problem to big. No scenario too daunting. I have all that I need.
  5. 10 Minute Meditation – If you’ve followed the blog you know my growing embrace for the Eastern practice of meditation. Ten minutes of alone time and some practiced breathing can reset my mind, body, nervous system and overall well being.

I truly hope these ideas help you. I hope you become aware of what makes you the happiest and most confident version of yourself. Pay attention to what may work for others, but know you are unique.

It has to work for YOU.  That’s all that matters.

ACTION ITEM: Spend the next few days surrounding yourself with a list of positive triggers. I know you’ll be much closer to achieving what’s in front of you when you consistently operate at the highest level.

Our Parents Called “Grinding” Work

Grinding

I’m tired of the word, “Grinding.” I’m actually sick and tired of it.

  • Up at 5am to “grind” – a.k.a. workout.
  • Getting on the train at 6:30am to “grind” – a.k.a. go to work.
  • Monday. Rise and grind – a.k.a. go to work.
  • Sales guys making calls to “grind” – a.k.a. how you’re compensated when you create opportunity.
  • Athletes are the worst. “Grinding” – a.k.a. I’m practicing to play a game kids play and get paid STUPID money, so I gotta “grind” to earn my $5 MILLION.

Shut up with the grind.

It’s not a grind. It may be sensationalized in today’s social world so someone can meaninglessly pat you on the back, but our parents didn’t call it that. Remember when your mom and dad weren’t cool, but then you realized just how much they did for you?

It was called work. WORK. To give your family a better life than the one laid out in front of them. That’s WORK!

Our parents weren’t looking for truly “empty social support” or comments on their multiple social media channels about the “struggle” (I hate that too by the way). They were busy supporting their kids or husband/wife. My mom didn’t call cleaning the house “grinding” for the weekend. Mom cleaned the damn house.

I truly hope I’m not turning into the old man yelling “get off my damn yard,” but I’m really tired of it and I’m worried for what it means for all of us growing up in a time where we’ve never seen so much abundance. I believe it is this abundance that leads many to label their work as a “grind” the moment adversity strikes because they’re never truly seen what a grind looks or feels like.

Let me tell you about a grind.

My dad. I admire the hell out of him for what I’m about to tell you.

My dad didn’t grow up with a lot (which is an overstatement). He started working real jobs when he was probably 10 or 11…because he had to. He went to college to become something better and someone to support a family. He become a teacher. He was one of the best teachers before he retired (past students will back me up on this or comment my post). But mind you, being a great teacher doesn’t earn you any extra money, and they aren’t handsomely compensated to begin with. Instead what do you do?

If you’re my dad, you teach school from 7:30am-3pm and then operate a drywall business until 9, 10, sometimes 11 o’clock at night. Every night. And by operate I mean work a real job for 40 hours a week, and then work another 5-6 days a week on top of that. Have you ever hung drywall?  It’s not exactly easy or clean manual labor.

WORK.

He gave my mom, my sister and I all that we could ever ask for and more. I’ve never gone without. Opportunities piled on opportunities. He put in place a new trajectory for our lives based on where he’d been, the work he’d put in, and the future in front of us. I believe that trajectory leaves me where I am today and where I plan on going with my family. Changing the trajectory.

If you think I want one ounce of your sympathy, I don’t. Most importantly my dad won’t have it. I don’t think our story is unique. In fact, there are far greater stories involving hardship and triumph than the Keeney family. Look them up.

I’ll leave you with this. My dad is super-handy. It’s insanity to me to think about what he can fix or build. Conversely, I can’t fix a damn thing if my life depended on it. But, he did pass one thing along. He taught me how to work and showed me first hand the value of providing…not selfishly (which is my default emotion), but for the immediate benefit of others.

Grinding? I don’t think so. I’ll never call it grinding because that word didn’t exist in his vocabulary. It was just WORK.