There have been many a season where I questioned my own ambition.
Not in a dramatic way. Quietly. The kind of questioning that doesn’t show up in conversations, but lingers during long drives or late nights.
I was doing “the right things.” Faith. Family. Work. Responsibility.
And yet, every time I felt the pull to grow, to build more, earn more, stretch further… there was a subtle tension underneath it all.
Is this godly… or selfish? Am I trusting God… or chasing control? At what point does ambition cross a line?
I’ve seen this tension play out in a lot of good men. Men who love their wives. Men who show up for their kids. Men who take their faith seriously.
And over time, I’ve realized there’s a lie sitting quietly at the center of it.
The Lie Sounds Like This
“If I truly trust God, I shouldn’t want more.”
It rarely shows up that cleanly. It usually disguises itself as wisdom, humility, or contentment.
It sounds like:
“I’m just trying to be grateful for what I have.”
“I don’t want money to become an idol.” – been there!
“I don’t want ambition to pull me away from what matters.” – absolutely lived this!!
On the surface, that all sounds reasonable.
But watch what I experienced next.
Opportunities get delayed. Growth gets postponed. Potential gets parked in the name of being “faithful.”
Not because a man is lazy. But because he’s afraid of wanting the wrong thing.
Why This Lie Is So Comfortable
This lie offers protection.
If you keep your ambition small:
You don’t have to risk failingpublicly.
You don’t have to manage increased responsibility.
You don’t have to confront the parts of your life that might not scale well.
It feels spiritually safe.
You can call it patience instead of fear. You can call it trust instead of avoidance. You can call it humility instead of hesitation.
But over time, something subtle happens.
Men don’t become more peaceful. They become restrained. Not surrendered. Just smaller.
Ambition Isn’t the Problem
Here’s the reframe that changed things for me:
Ambition isn’t the enemy of faith. Misalignment is.
Ambition is a force, like fire. It can warm a home or burn it down.
The issue isn’t whether you have ambition. It’s whether your ambition is ordered or avoided.
Faith doesn’t cancel desire. It directs it.
When ambition runs without alignment, it destroys things. I know I’ve felt this. When ambition is avoided altogether, it erodes things just as quietly. “without purpose the people perish”
Small Thinking Doesn’t Protect You
This was a hard one to accept.
Playing small doesn’t actually keep your soul safe.
It doesn’t strengthen your marriage. It doesn’t make your kids more secure. It doesn’t remove pressure — it redistributes it.
Often onto:
A spouse carrying more emotional load
A future version of you with fewer options
A family dependent on systems instead of leadership
Avoiding growth doesn’t remove responsibility. It just delays the bill.
Growth Reveals What Needs Strengthening
Here’s something I’ve noticed consistently:
Growth doesn’t corrupt character. It exposes formation gaps.
More responsibility doesn’t create misalignment — it reveals it.
If your body breaks down under pressure, that’s feedback.
If your marriage strains, that’s information.
If your faith feels thin, that’s an invitation — not a condemnation.
Think back to the early 2000’s design of the Blackberry or the previous “smartphone”…then look at the original iPhone design in 2007. When I first saw it, I thought, “Wow, what a beautiful and (simple) device”
I look at the design of Tesla Model S when it came to the marketplace. Even void of its rapid electric thrust and velocity differences vs. the competitive set, the design (inside and out) was simple, sleek, aggressive and beautiful.
I speak to my son all the time about the beauty of simplicity in sports. Show me an all-time great (golf swing, jump shot, throwing motion) that wasn’t refined down to the simplest and most fluid movements. No wasted energy. No wasted movement. Simple movements produce repeatable outcomes, effortless power, and poetry in motion. Viewers and onlookers will say a jump shot is fluid, or beautiful, or effortless. That’s simplicity at play. No waste.
Examples of Simplicity in Sports:
Golf Swing – Sam Snead, Ben Hogan, Ernie Els (rhythm, on balance, effortless power)
Basketball Jumper – Ray Allen, Steph Curry, Klay Thompson (simple, no wasted movement, quick to load, deadly accurate)
NFL Passers – Dan Marino, Aaron Rodgers, Michael Vick (flick).
Baseball Swing – Barry bonds (steroids or not), Ken Griffey Jr., Billy Williams
How about simplicity in Life?
I think about simplicity in storytelling often in my career. Don’t tell me in 40 slides, what can be distilled down to ten. I had an old boss share the adage, “Be Brief. Be Brilliant. Be Gone” when talking about a pitch or proposal and I’ve never forgotten it (Thank you Bob Alexander). Attention is more fleeting now than ever, and a decisive point well-made, is more effective than a half hearted story delivered with immense dosage.
Think 80/20. Eighty percent of the output, comes from 20 percent of the input. Think about that in diet, in exercise, in the books you read, or as I recommend (re-read). A person doesn’t need a fancy gym membership to get in shape. A person can choose to: run, do push ups, pulls ups and bodyweight squats like a jailhouse prisoner and be in better shape than 99% of the population.
Concerned with a diet? Eat quality meat, vegetables, fruit and limit highly process foods, soda and alcohol. Simple.
Think investing strategy. Warren Buffet recently challenged a hedge fund owner to beat the S&P average over a 10-year span. He put a $1,000,000 bet on it. It won’t happen. You can buy the S&P index on Vanguard (VFIAX) with a 0.04% expense ratio and outperform some guy sitting in his Westchester, NY mansion. VFIAX is up nearly 100% in 5 years. Simple. Immense wealth can be made owning only a few index funds. Want to get wealthy? Live on 50% of your income and invest the rest. Simple.
Design is a wonderful place to understand the beauty of simplicity. Think of the hustle and bustle of the busiest city in the world, New York City. All the grandeur, all the culinary delights, all the entertainment. In 1977, Milton Glaser encapsulated all of that with, “I ❤️ NY”. Simple.
If I ever find myself getting stressed out, or think there is too much chaos, I try to answer the question, “How can I simplify this?”
“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” ― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Airman’s Odyssey
It was a dreary, rainy Thursday on October 16th. Just around lunch, I got the divine intervention to go for a run.
To be clear, I REALLY don’t like running…mostly because I get bored. But running and endurance is a standard for many fitness pursuits, and therefore it’s a challenge I feel the need to tackle again. I also wonder if I don’t hide in my boredom, from the need to just buckle in, and pass through the suffering miles can teach? Only one way to find out I guess…
I’d been out running a few times the last week or two putting in 3-5 miles a time. Nothing to write home about, but I was out there doing the work, in addition to doing other exercise at home and/or in the gym.
The road behind my house travels east and west along the golf course. It’s a county road setting the boundary for the city and golf course to the north, and the country and 100s of acres of farmland to the south. It’s easy to get out of the driveway, and complete a loop or two on the county road to log a few miles.
I was about 2.5 miles into this run and it was lightly raining. Not so much to be annoying, but just enough to keep a guy cool and refreshed with a kiss of moisture to a red face. I was at the top of a hill to the west of my house, headed east down a long and gradual decline into the countryside. It’s a nice place to reset the heart rate and stride. I heard a rumble and felt the exhaust of something very near me. A contractor’s truck loudly crept up alongside me. The window rolled down.
“You need a ride?” barked a large, gruff man out the window with a half-hearted smile
“Hell no!” I remarked.
Hell no? Where did that come from? (insert facepalm emoji)
“You know it’s raining right?” Said the driver.
“YUP!” I said with extreme pride.
This is the moment something changed!
I smiled, ear to ear, threw my fist into the air…and pointed East (not breaking stride). As to say, this is where I’m going and you better get your ass moving! The driver threw me a thumbs up, and rumbled off to the east. I wondered who put that guy there, in my life at that moment…knowing I needed a push?
A rush of energy and enthusiasm came over me. Was he kidding? Maybe. Was he really wondering why I was running in the rain? I kind of hoped so, because I knew he wouldn’t!!
I hadn’t felt totally myself in a month or so. September work travel to FL sent me home with what was likely a COVID diagnosis (although I never felt the need to test…why?). Another trip to Chicago a few weeks after and more interrupted sleep left my tank half full. I hadn’t gotten a great night of sleep in what felt like weeks since Charlie Kirk’s assassination. Even though my exercise routine continued on, I just hadn’t regained my stamina. It’s a flywheel and all gears need to find rhythm. Faith. Family. Fitness. Finances.
But doing the work, works.
Commitment works. I’d started mixing between running and indoor biking on my Peloton. In October I recommitted to my nightly stretching and meditation routine, in hopes of clearing my restless mind. I recommitted to my daily reading of a daily devotional and Stoic philosophy(one page a day, every day). It’s all additive. It creates, builds and sustains momentum.
I’m writing this on Sunday, Oct. 19th. Last night I had the first great night of sleep in 6+ weeks. This morning I listened to a sermon where the pastor challenged us to think about, How is God’s spirit operating in my life?” I truly felt like this was one of those moments. I felt like someone was saying, “I see you. I’m here. Here’s a little wind in your sails.” Keep Hammering! – Ok, that’s not God, that’s Cam Hanes…but I was listening to his audiobook ENDURE during this jog.
I returned home, after 5-6 miles and a full heart. I knew something had shifted in me on that quick, early afternoon effort. I knew there was more work to do, but that in doing that work, another breakthrough was certain. When will it come? Who will it come from? I do not know. But what’s the worst that can happen by staying committed to the work?
I write this post with a heavy heart. I was in South Florida for a business trip when I learned of the news of Charlie’s assassination. It landed on my phone in a text thread from some buddies. “Whatever you do….don’t watch the Charlie Kirk Shooting” message.
Regrettably, I did watch it, and was sick to my stomach most of the rest of the night. I barely slept. I watched a man murdered. I watched a father and a husband take a bullet to the neck. I was angry, sad, disappointed, patriotic, resentful, and many more feels. How? Why? Did they have the shooter?
I tell my team often at work, “when emotion is high, intelligence is low.” So I wanted to sit with these feelings for a few days and let them separate from the peak feelings shortly thereafter the event. Flying home solo Friday and facing a few flight delays, I had plenty of time to sit by myself and think. Here is where I landed.
Let’s start with the shooter.
I think it’s easy to understand why so many felt anger and rage upon hearing the news of Charlie’s assassination. But that’s not the answer. It can’t be the answer. Going from 0 to 100, and only seeing retribution with eyes red with rage, can’t be the answer.
That’s the exact emotion which drove a troubled young man in his twenties to bring a rifle to a rally and end a father/husband’s life. I can be upset, but can I also engage curiosity? I’d like to better understand what caused this rage to develop in such a young man?
What does he believe in?
What is this young man so afraid of?
Why did he see Charlie or his discourse as such a threat to society?
How did he see this intolerable action, as the only answer?
What was he consuming/watching/viewing participating in to become so radical?
Conversely, with all this curiosity, I have complete conviction celebrating the murder is disgusting. It’s shameful and I pray this hate doesn’t amplify and spread.
Party Lines
“They” Killed Charlie. I read these words everywhere and I think it’s incredibly dangerous. A lone, mentally unwell, young man pulled the trigger and ended Charlie’s life with a singular bullet. Using the words “they killed Charlie”, got us to where we are…which is further and further apart. The political left, the left-of-center and every registered democrat didn’t kill Charlie. (I’ll receive plenty of pushback on those words). “They” killed Charlie. Nothing is more divisive than [Us vs. Them] and we must be careful. I personally know many who might disagree with Charlie’s views, but they’re not lining up to harm another human being.
I do hope the “Charlie Conservative Movement” continues to grow, but it hope the growth comes in the form of believing in something, vs. choosing to be against or hating the opposition. I hope others get curious about Christianity and understanding conservative values. Tell me what you’re for, and what you support. Don’t tell me we must rage war against the other side. Only more blood will be spilled and everyone knows this doesn’t pencil long term. Families can’t handle much more.
Standing with Courage
I deeply admire Charlie’s courage for continuing to show up and sharing his beliefs sooooo deeply. Sadly, this conviction would lead to him being a martyr. He received countless death threats. His family was receiving death threats. I can’t imagine the conviction to continue to press on and put yourself in harms way for the benefit of spreading the message and having tolerant conversations. I thought of the trials Jesus Christ (33), Martin Luther King (39), and John F. Kennedy (46) suffered. These thought leaders were struck down for their convictions, for being different, and for practicing patience and continued discourse. Each taken too young by evil walking among us.
Sept. 12th
I don’t remember much from Sept. 11 2001, other than exactly where I was when I heard the news of the day’s grave beginning. I was a Sophomore in my college dorm in a newly started fall semester. What I do vividly remember, was what happened immediately after the terrorist attack. People were immediately more kind to one another. Patriotism was at an all-time high. Americans put down our differences, locked arms and stood together against evil. Can that happen again?
Making an Argument
There is a scene I love in A Few Good Men where Tom Cruise’s character asks his legal partner Sam, “Is your father proud of you?” Cruise goes on to say, “I’ll bet he is. I’ll bet he bores the shit out of neighbors and relatives. Sam’s made law review. He’s got a big case he’s making. He’s arguing. He’s making an argument.“
The stoics and great philosophers made arguments. They battled with thought and words. Charlie loved debate and made many peaceful arguments.
So what does making an argument mean?
Making an argument means presenting a claim (an assertion about what is true or should be done) supported by reasons and evidence to persuade an audience to accept your point of view. It’s a constructiveprocess of reasoning and persuasion, distinct from a heated disagreement, where you build a case to make your position understandable and credible to others
No where above does it state, I disagree, and therefore…I hate you! Or because I have a differing view point I must turn up the volume and instead of engaging in civil debate, yelling and rage ensues. We must continue to make an argument. Make good arguments. If disagreement is where it all lands, understand we’re both still human beings.
Humanity and Community Over All.
We need help and the answer lies in the middle, in compassion, in community and understanding. Bill Clinton used the words “Triangulation/Centrism” as a third way to find progress.
In my adult life, I’ve seen the political left and right grow further apart. What used to be, “left of center” or “right of center” has been sensationalized into Right vs. Left. Republican or Democrat. Liberal vs. Conservative. More [Us vs. Them] because it drives social algorithms and TV ratings. The old newspaper adage, “If it bleeds it leads” determined front page news and captures our attention. Attention = ratings and ratings = money. But at what cost?
Consistently consuming in this type of media, over and over again with tremendous volume, in isolation is proven to be incredibly dangerous.
So what can we do? I won’t pretend to have all the answers. I can only tell you what I’m going to try and do.
Turn off the news…all of it. I can tell you I think it’s corrupted anyway, but you decide how you feel when you watch less of it. My argument is there is a good chance you’re less enraged, less anxious and more patient.
Engage in more community. For me that’s going to church. Participating in small groups and trying to bring others along with me. Having more conversations with human beings, face to face.
I’m going to really try and put the phone down more. The answers to the riddle society seeks don’t live in a profit driven echo chamber of seeing more of the same and inciting my blood to boil in disagreement.
I’m going to try and understand more about what we have in common vs. what must separate us. On my way home I listened to a multitude of what can best be described as LEFT & RIGHT podcasts. I listened to hear and digest and understand. I agreed with some. I disagreed with some. But I landed with more informed reason than I had a few days ago.
Getting Home
I got home just after midnight on Saturday morning Sept 13th. It was 12:10am when I entered my house, suitcase and backpack in hand. I was tired but oh so happy to be home. I instantly thought of Charlie. He’d never experience the relief of coming home after a long day of travel. I checked on my two kids, both sound asleep, dreaming in their beds. I Imagined them never seeing their Dad again, because I told them on FaceTime Friday night I’d be home after they were asleep and I’d see them in the morning. What if I never made it home because of my beliefs?
I sat in the living room in the dark, in silence. I was thinking:
It needs to be better. How can I make it better for my kids?
We need to be better.
What can I control?
I need to be better. Start with setting the example.
I prayed for Erika Kirk and their two young children. Make this make sense.
August was a great month of reestablishing momentum in my life and getting back into rhythm. It was nice to get back to a little bit of normality and getting the kids back to school.
As stated in a previous post, the end of June and most of July felt chaotic and lacking rhythm. I attribute much of this to two key inefficiencies from that time.
Poor sleep, likely the result of travel time changes and curve balls life threw at me
Lack of consistent (daily) exercise
And that’s just the thing I’m learning. Everything begins with a foundational recovery method that has been around for millennia. This method sets the tone for all things to fully operate with excellence…S-L-E-E-P. SLEEP!
So what ingredients add to a prescriptive “good night” of sleep?
Exercise? If yes, and I sweat out nervous energy and I sleep well. Muscles are tired, but also prepared for rejuvenation.
Diet? If yes, I’ve eaten good calories, not too much sugar and not too much caffeine.
Alcohol? If yes, sleep turns to shit. Absolute shit. It’s also quite likely, I’ll wake up at 2-3am to pee. Alcohol is fun, but totally F’s with sleep.
Remember how you felt after that last great night of sleep? Vitality high. Energy high. Discipline and commitments to a better lifestyle come easier. Stack days and momentum builds. The flywheel gains speed. Chose the alternative, and willpower suffers. Poor diet choices come easier, leading to less energy and commitment to move your body. Sleeps suffers. Choose wisely my friends.
The August Stats
Exercising nearly 30x in August meant I was moving my body and sweating nearly every day. For those interested, this consisted of: Peloton rides, walks with 20 lb. weight vest, body weight workouts (Push ups & Pull ups) + body weight squats.
Meditating 20X in August also meant I was preparing to get a restful night of sleep. It’s crazy, but the nights I meditate and stretch prior to bed, produce the most vivid and crazy dreams. I think it goes to show what the mind is capable of when it’s pushed into true REST MODE. I think there’s a lot of stuff in our heads and much of it is trying to get out, or find a place of peace.
Content Consumption: The Comfort Crisis. This is a wonderful book and a second or third listen for me. I highly recommend it because it’s a WAKE UP CALL. I’m 100% guilty of letting a comfortable life dull my senses and what I’m able of overcoming. I mentioned to a friend last week about a couple recent events in my life and said, “am I a pussy or what?!?!? I need to be able to work past or push through these things” It’s likely the #1 reason I started getting so serious about my fitness the last few years. I was becoming a prisoner of my own creation. Life is good…but almost too good.
In addition to what I was listening to, I really dove back into my daily reading with two powerful books. One is a Daily Devotional that was purchased for my son, the other is a daily read on stoic philosophy. Each book sets a wonderful tone for the day and grounds me in focus, simplicity and a bigger purpose for the day’s challenges. If I could make a recommendation, I’d set aside time to read in the morning!
As I recap every month I’m reminded of this simple statement.
Let’s start with the facts. I’ve been burned out a couple times in the last handful of years. Once during COVID. Secondly, and more recently, I felt it after a work trip overseas to France. I came home feeling exhausted (plenty of jet lag) and in need of some R&R. Instead I had both kids visit the Emergency Room in a couple week span and my wits felt entirely frayed.
MyGoal With This Post: Help men recognize the early warning signs of burnout before they actually crash out—across work, home, relationships, and personal health.
I’m Fine. The Most Dangerous Lie We Tell Ourselves.
Burnout isn’t a “big bang” like development. It’s a slow leak of energy. The direct result of high-achieving dads juggling multiple roles they don’t discuss or seek praise for. These roles include achieving career success, coaching your kids, and being a “good” Dad. They also involve showing up as a husband, helping keep up at home, and playing an active role at church. And this is just the beginning, the list goes on. Burnout eventually feels like hitting a wall, but instead of a strong impact, it’s more of a THUD and the tank is empty.
What Does Burnout Actually Look Like? (It’s NOT just exhaustion)
Work: disengaged, mentally checked out, cynical about everything
Marriage: short temper, low patience, little desire for connection
Fatherhood: present but not there—resentful of the demands kids place on you
Personal Health: sleep suffers, workouts stop, diet crashes, the spiral begins.
Home Duties: avoidance, procrastination, or doing everything with bitterness
I write these things to share that I’ve 100% been there. I’m not above it, or you. I’ve been IN IT! I’ve felt each of these feels in their entirety!
In order to diagnose where I am, here are five self-audit questions to ask:
Am I showing up how I want to at home and at work?
What’s something I used to enjoy that now feels like a burden?
When’s the last time I felt truly rested?
Am I numbing out or zoning out more than usual?
Would the people closest to me say I seem off?
**A bonus – what am I avoiding that I usually wouldn’t?
In the next post, Burnout Recovery for Dads: How to Reclaim Your Energy Without Quitting Everything, I’ll provide practical and doable strategies I’ve used to reset. These strategies will help dads regain their energy, clarity, and focus. They can achieve this without quitting their jobs or abandoning their responsibilities.
PS – I must share an experience I had dining out with my family a couple weeks back. When I asked for the check, the waiter said, “not to worry sir, this one’s on the owner. He came out, pointed to your table and said, see that guy (pointing at my table)…his meal is on me tonight!” My wife and kids were shocked at a stranger (to them) and his generosity. When I got home, I sent him a text of gratitude to thank him for the meal. Here’s what he said back.
Appreciate it and appreciate your Keen Mind 😉 there is a depression rate in men that is way too high. I love your message.
There’s something about Back to School season that feels like a reset button. The kids are back in classrooms, calendars are suddenly packed with sports and activities, and the pace of life changes overnight. For me, this season has always been an invitation to find rhythm again—to lean back into the power of daily habits.
Because here’s the truth: BIG things don’t just happen. They’re built. Quietly. Repeatedly. Daily.
Over time, these daily actions compound in ways we can’t always see in the moment. It’s the principle Jeff Olson called The Slight Edge: small choices, stacked on top of each other, lead to massive gains. But here’s the catch—those same choices are “easy to do” and just as easy NOT to do.
Skip one workout? No big deal. Eat fast food instead of a healthy meal? Happens all the time. Forget to read or stretch before bed? Who will notice?
The answer is simple: You will.
Because over weeks, months, and years, those little “easy NOT to dos” add up too—and usually not in the direction you want.
That’s why I rely on my Daily Non-Negotiables. These aren’t goals. They’re not wish lists. They’re commitments—anchors that keep me grounded, productive, and pushing forward regardless of what the calendar throws at me. The outcome is stacking wins. Day after day.
Here’s my list:
Sweat – Every single day, I move hard enough to sweat. A run, a lift, a Peloton ride, doesn’t matter. Motion creates energy. Some days I knock out two sessions.
Hydrate – If I’m not putting clean fuel in, I can’t expect peak output.
Bodyweight lifts – Push-ups, pull-ups, air squats. Simple. Accessible. Zero excuses.
Eat mostly healthy meals – Food is fuel, and fuel dictates how I show up. Think 80/20…mostly good!
Daily reading – I crave simplicity and books to build me: The Daily Mission by Tim Tebow and The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. A mix of faith and philosophy keeps me balanced.
Meditation & stretch for restful sleep – Recovery is the multiplier. Without rest, none of the other habits matter.
It’s not a sexy list. It’s not complicated. And that’s the point.
When the school year ramps up and life speeds forward, I don’t want to waste energy deciding how I’ll take care of myself. I already know. These habits don’t just protect my time and energy—they multiply them.
And if I keep stacking these wins, day after day? That’s when BIG things happen. Not because of one breakthrough moment, but because I built the momentum brick by brick.
Back to school isn’t just about the kids—it’s about us too. It’s a reminder that structure is powerful. Rhythm is powerful. Habits are powerful.
The question isn’t: Can you do it? The question is: Will you?
Because it’s easy to do. And it’s easy NOT to do.
Choose wisely.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit”
Staying committed to eating well. It’s a grind, with temptation around every corner.
It could be parenting. It’s definitely a grind.
This hit me while watching the Netflix series Full Swing. The show follows PGA Tour golfers through the highs and lows of professional life—tournaments, travel, family, and all the moments in between.
At some point, almost every guy has said, “Man, being a pro golfer would be amazing!”
Would it?
After watching the show, I kept coming back to this idea: their dream job might just be a relentless, unforgiving grind.
Think about it:
Flying to 20+ cities a year for four-day tournaments.
Leaving home on Tuesday, practice round Wednesday, then four straight days of competition.
Living in hotels or rentals—not exactly a home base.
You only get paid if you play well. No cut? No check.
Golf isn’t just tee times. It’s hours of warm-ups, range work, putting drills, workouts, and recovery.
Sign autographs. Fulfill media duties. Then repeat next week.
And maybe most importantly—it’s time away. Away from family. From routine. From normalcy.
The deeper I thought, the more obvious it became: the “dream job” is absolutely a grind. And for guys who’ve been doing it for a decade or more, I can only imagine how heavy that gets. But then I thought about a different kind of athlete. The ones who don’t see the grind. They just live in the process.
Tom Brady. Peyton Manning. Kobe Bryant.
Hours upon hours watching film—not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Because in that film, they found opportunity. In the reps, they found rhythm. In the details, they found peace.
They didn’t resent the grind. They respected it.
So here’s the point. The grind doesn’t go away—no matter your role, title, or sport. But when you find appreciation in it, something changes. The work becomes a teacher. The process becomes the point. And the results? They show up. Not overnight. But over time.
Keep grinding. But more importantly—keep loving the reason you grind.
You’ve got two options men: survive in the jungle or live in the zoo.
One is raw, real, and forces growth. The other is soft, safe, and built to sedate.
In your 30s, 40s, and 50s, life doesn’t get easier. It gets louder. If you don’t wake up and lead, it will eat you alive—or worse, lull you into comfort, boredom and mediocrity. Here’s a blueprint I’m using to thrive as a Dad, Husband, and Brother-in-Arms to other men during these transformative years.
1. Control the Device, or Risk It Controlling You
You know what’s harder than a 5AM workout? Putting the damn phone down.
Tech is a tool. It’s not a pacifier, a babysitter, or your therapist. Doom scrolling doesn’t make you more informed—it makes you more numb. If you’re always checking out, you’re never checking in—with your kids, your wife, or yourself. I know guilty of it! So what can be done?
Schedule phone-free hours at home.
Delete apps you don’t use with purpose.
Lead by example. Your kids are watching. So is your wife.
You can’t fight for your tribe with your head in a screen.
2. Win the Mornings, Own the Day
Your family needs your energy. So what do you give it to first—your habits or your hangups? The jungle doesn’t care if you’re tired. You either hunt, or you go hungry.
Get up early.
Move your body.
Read something that sharpens your edge (I prefer one-page-a-day learning guides)
Pray, journal, think—whatever it is, go inward before you go outward.
You don’t rise to the occasion. You fall to your level of preparation. Morning is your weapon.
3. Date Your Wife, Not Just the Calendar
You didn’t marry her to raise kids and pay bills together. You married her to chase, flirt, laugh, and build a life that feels like something worth living—not just surviving.
The zoo version of marriage is transactional. The jungle version is intentional and in pursuit.
Plan dates (real ones—not Costco and Target runs or kids sporting events)
Put effort into how you look, how you speak, how you pursue
Don’t wait for a “better season.” The season is now!!
If you’re not watering the relationship, you’re watching it dry up. I have work to do here, as it’s also listed on my [Monthly Scorecard] as “Date Nights”. The goal is only two per month, and all too often, I don’t check the box on one!
4. Your Kids Don’t Need a Coach—They Need a Dad
Youth sports. Schoolwork. Group chats. Travel teams. It’s easy to outsource presence for performance.
But children don’t need another critic on the sidelines. They need a safe harbor, a truth–teller, a steady rock showing up with consistency.
Let them fail. < – – – this is as hard to read as it is to say out loud.
Talk about real things vs. Outcomes (W/L) – effort, pain, growth, leadership and showing up in friendship
Teach them how to shake hands, hold eye contact, and speak clearly. In my observation, these skills are lost amongst our youth.
Being “busy” isn’t the badge. Being present is.
5. Build Brotherhood, or Die in Isolation
You weren’t made to do life alone. But too many men confuse independence with isolation.
The jungle isn’t just dangerous—it’s lonely if you go it solo. Lonely men can make bad (sometimes fatal) decisions. I’ve seen them and it pains me to even write this.
Find your crew. Not just drinking buddies—truth tellers.
Set the tone. Organize the breakfast. Start the group text. Lead a getaway. (Men, you all desperately need it)
Speak truth and expect it back. Support and build up your peers. They need you!
Iron sharpens iron. Comfort dulls the blade.
Final Thought
The jungle is hard, brutal, and relentless.
But it’s also where you grow teeth. Build muscle. Earn scars. Forge legacy.
The zoo? It’s easy. Safe. Predictable. But deep down, you know—you weren’t made for cages.
I’m here for you! Choose the jungle. Every damn day.
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get swept along without pausing to reflect. Yet, the questions we ask ourselves can profoundly shape our experiences and outcomes. As Tony Robbins aptly notes in Awaken the Giant Within, “Remember, your brain, like the genie, will give you whatever you ask of it. So be careful what you ask for; whatever you look for…you will find.”
Consider integrating these three pivotal questions into your daily routine:
How is this serving me?
This question encourages introspection about the activities and habits that fill my day. Are they aligned with my well-being and aspirations? By evaluating the true impact of my choices, I can identify and eliminate behaviors that hinder progress. I catch myself asking this when I mindlessly pickup my phone and look for…what?!?! Am I looking to be distracted? From what? I’m not perfect and still do it dozens of times throughout the day. But I am trying to be more mindful of why it is stealing my attention.
What can I do about it?
Life presents challenges, but dwelling on problems without seeking solutions leads to stagnation. By asking this question, you shift from a passive to an active mindset, focusing on actionable steps to overcome obstacles. This empowers you to take control and fosters resilience. Control the controllable. Not what happens, but what you do about what happens.
Do my actions support my goals?
I’m on a daily mission to be: healthy, wealthy and strong. Consistency between daily actions and long-term objectives is crucial for success. Regularly assessing this alignment ensures that I’m not inadvertently sabotaging my ambitions. It promotes intentional living, where each step I take brings me closer to my desired destination. Progress > Perfection!
Questions Hold the Power
The questions we pose to ourselves act as guiding lights, illuminating the path to personal growth and fulfillment. By thoughtfully selecting and reflecting on these questions, we harness the power to shape our reality and steer our lives toward our true goals.
Embrace the practice of mindful questioning, and watch as it transforms your perspective and propels you toward a more intentional and rewarding life.
