Do You Like What You See?

Barry Melrose Like What You See

I was watching some Friday morning sports talk radio on TV and was hit by a moment of inspiration.  It came from a very unexpected source, Barry Melrose (currently broadcaster on ESPN and former NHL Hockey player and head coach).  You may have seen Barry before adorned in his loudly colored and often pinstriped suits on set.

Now I’m not a hockey fanatic, but I have recently been following the Chicago Blackhawks the last couple years.  Mike & Mike asked Barry what his pre-game speech would be for the Hawks?  The biggest speech their coach would deliver this year prior to their game 7 “winner-take-all” match-up with the Anaheim Ducks for a chance to skate for Lord Stanely’s Cup.  “What would you specifically say?” asked ESPN host Mike Greenberg.

He responded with strength and determination, “Like What You See!”

When the skates are off tonight men and you hit the shower, then stand in front of the mirror…like what you see.

He wasn’t talking about complexion or hair style either.  He was talking about a person/player looking themselves in the eye and being completely satisfied with the effort they delivered.

Imagine if we did this daily. Do you like what you see?

I believe the people that do like what they see, sleep well.  They wake up rested to tackle another day with all they’ve got.  They take action and “leave it all out there” to accomplish something every day.  Not everything will go their way, but they shake it off and continue on in a positive path.  They create momentum of achievements and progress every single day.

What about if you don’t like what you see?  I believe these people go to bed with a belly full of fear, frustration, or anxiety dreading what’s next.  Life happens to them and at this point in time, they’re not willing to punch back and change it.  The mirror has a funny way of bringing a harsh reality to a life.  A reality previously hidden from our site and vision becomes all too real.  The way we see ourselves, and what the reflection of the mirror tells us we are, conflict.  Conflict equals discontent or disagreement.  But, this conflict can be the best of things.  It’s a START.

The beautiful thing is, nothing is final (only death). Anyone can change.

If you don’t like what you see (and candidly I can say there are things about myself today I don’t like), change them!  Make moves today to start a new path.  Take a step, one step, in a different direction.

ACTION ITEM: If you see Barry, tell him I said, “Thanks!”  In the meantime, take an honest look in the mirror and don’t get angry.  Get moving.

Are We An Over-Gifting Culture?

Over Gifting

I’m almost 100% positive I’ll get some pretty good flack for this post, but it’s something I feel strongly about…so here we go.

Why is it everything, every event, every special day includes the expectations of receiving a gift?

  • Mother’s Day = Gift
  • Valentine’s Day = Gift
  • Easter = Gift
  • Christmas = too many Gifts
  • Birth of a Child = Push Present (What the hell is that anyway?)

I’m TIRED of it.

I will tell my readers something that may shock them.  I didn’t get my wife a gift for Mother’s day, and I certainly don’t expect one for Father’s day.  I also didn’t have to deal with the stress, anxiety, and expectations of choosing the “right gift” for the day.

Does this mean I think less of the men that did purchase a gift?  Absolutely not.  It’s their choice.  Let me tell you how I arrived at mine.

Those close to my wife and I will know we waited a long time to receive the gift of starting a family.   To say it was a struggle for us to join the parenthood klan would be a bit of an understatement.  When July 30th arrived last year and our son appeared a couple weeks early of his due date, we received the gift we’d been waiting years for.  A baby.  A family.  He went unnamed for a few early morning hours, but it wasn’t long until we introduced Landon Ray Keeney to the world.  A true blessing.  A gift in every sense of the word welcomed by his overjoyed Mom and Dad.

This year, when Mother’s day came calling I was really struggling with what I could do to tell my wife how much Landon and I appreciated her as a Mom.  I almost started laughing at the idea of buying: jewelry, a purse, a spa day, flowers, etc to show her how much we cared.  Did this really reflect all we’d been through to celebrate this wonderful day?  The answer was a resounding, “NO.”

I went looking for inspiration.

I went back into my email and found a recording from Dec. 4, 2013.  What was this recording?  It was a call from a fertility nurse at the hospital notifying my wife and I that “we were pregnant!”  Imagine two adults, sitting in complete silence, huddling over a phone in our living room hanging on every word

It worked!

All the stress, doctors visits, unexplained “bad luck”, medications, and everything that went with it, suddenly didn’t matter anymore.  Our dreams were coming true.  I hope to never forget or lack appreciation for the strong range of emotions we experienced in that moment.

I decided the Mother’s Day gift that best described what I was feeling, was to tell my wife, exactly what I was feeling with all of those bottled up emotions.  I wrote her a letter for Mother’s Day.  I expressed my feelings and all of the pain and stress we went through to be celebrating this wonderful day.

I specifically told her, if she wanted a “thing” (purse, jewelry, shoes, clothes, etc) I hoped she knew she could buy them any day of the year.  She certainly earned it.  What I wanted more than anything for us was to never forget just how great a blessing we received in the wee morning hours of July 30th.

What I really want this post to deliver is perspective.  I’ve written before about my personal pursuit in life for fewer things and “stuffitis” in favor of more life experiences and authentic appreciation.  This includes any and all “Hallmark Holidays” and empty gifts.

Instead I’m going to try and fill these days with more appreciation for the present and not the presents.

ACTION ITEM: I’d love to know how you feel about this.

 

 

Anxiety, Neurosis, and Living a Life of Fear

There’s an epidemic gaining momentum in society.

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Obviously I don’t believe I’m alone or I wouldn’t write about it.  Anxiety and fear are leaving people feeling trapped, living a life alone with their own thoughts.

It all started for me about five years ago with my UC (ulcerative colitis) diagnosis.  What began as a disease of the large intestine and specifically the colon, spread to my head.

No it’s not cancer.  I’m referring to the negative thought process I became fixated on and concerned with 24/7.  Worry followed by more fear and worry.  Here is a small sampling of my thoughts from about five years ago to give you an idea of what I’m talking about:

  • Is this going to kill me?
  • What (if anything) could I eat any more?
  • Would it cause another attack?
  • What if I’m not near a bathroom? (near is a distance 15-20 seconds away at a panic jog rate)
  • What if I can’t eat anything?
  • Would I still be able to travel?
  • What if I got sick away from home?
  • How embarrassing is this going to be?
  • Eat more bananas? Damn it! More bananas?

Why am I telling you this?

Because I believe this is merely a glimpse at my struggle, and although it may not relate to you directly, I believe others need to know it’s okay to be afraid, but accepting of their fears.  What’s not okay is to let fear take over your thoughts, actions, and emotions 24/7 and ruin your life.  For me, this fear lead to panic, anxious thoughts, and uninitiated worry.

A couple years ago on the outside, I may have looked like I had it together, but on the inside I was a complete mess.

The “trifecta” I was living with included more than just the UC diagnosis and fears.  At the exact same time I was kicking a nasty nicotine habit (which needed to happen), while also facing a growing infertility challenge with my wife as we longed to start a family.  Brick by brick, a house of fears and frustration compiled.

It wasn’t until a couple years ago I realized the best medicine for my body wasn’t the two daily horse pills I take. I needed brain training for a reboot.  I’d personally beaten myself down with thoughts and feelings of insecurity and anxiousness.  Everywhere I went there was an undercurrent of fear riding in my sidecar.  If you can relate, you know what I’m talking about. The weeds find a way to grow, and they grow quickly!

What does this fear feel like?

It feels like a racing heartbeat.  Clammy and shivering hands.  Chills.  Feelings of being exhausted and alert at the same time.  It turned situations where I was 100% comfortable a couple years ago into fight or flight adrenaline jolts.  It sucked.

So how did I start to take back control?

Slowly. One step at a time my thinking had to be rebuilt.  Here’s what Ralph Waldo Emerson says,

A man is what he thinks about all day long.

The quote (and I’m not sure who said it), “Everyone has something,” kept running through my head.  “I’m not the only one in the world dealing with this, so stop being such a pansy ass,” I’d say to myself.  It could be so much worse.  I had to make a choice and commit to positivity and living life every day.

Commitment to change happened.

Radical change happens when a line is drawn in the sand and a person must be put to a decision.  In poker you would call this an “all-in” wager.  I didn’t want to wallow in the bullshit any longer.  I decided I’d own it and talk about it openly.  I chose to show others my hand (more card-speak), my insecurities, and not be afraid or embarrassed.  After all, this was me.  All of me, as John Legend puts it.

A crazy thing happens when you speak freely about fear.  It gets released.  When it’s released, it doesn’t carry with it the immense weight as it does in your thoughts.  It disappears like smoke from a fire into the night sky.  Seemingly never to have existed in the first place.

Tony Robbins teaches three things to help you get to this action decision.  You can find the link to his post here (How to Create Breakthrough in Any Area of Your Life)

  1. Change your strategy, change your result.
  2. Change your story, change your life.
  3. Change your state—you change it all!

The kryptonite to my fear, my anxiety, my neurosis wasn’t a pill (although I must admit a steroid pack helps a brother out from time to time if he gets run down and my stomach needs a boost).  No.  The answer lived in my thoughts, beliefs, and actions.  A funny thing happens when this choice is made.  You gain momentum and energy, and you never look back.

Thinking alone won’t ever cure me from my stomach disease or associated fears, but I’m not looking for that any more.  I’m not cured, I’m informed.  I’m committed to not living a life of fear and being a shell of my real self.  If that means saying no to a few more things, or resting when my body needs it, then so be it.

When the next challenge comes along (and it’s guaranteed to happen), I will be more prepared.  I will be more present in understanding what I’m feeling.  In the meantime, I’m going to hop on this black stallion called life and break her to live my way!

ACTION ITEM: I’ve been thinking about this post for some time.  A great deal of emotion came about when thinking about it.  It makes me feel even better writing it.  But, it’s not about me.  I know without a shred of doubt there are people struggling like I did.  If you are afraid, SO IS EVERYONE ELSE!

Make a choice to beat it.  If you’re a friend, make a choice to help them.  Life is far too short to be afraid all the time.

31 Days of Challenging Questions: Recap

First off, I must start this post with a sincere apology.

I didn’t realize til about a week ago the last three posts hadn’t gone out to the tribe for days 29, 30, and 31 of my challenging questions.  EPIC Fail.

I’m sincerely sorry and it lacks class.  Something I’m not proud of.

What happened, you wonder?  Life happened.  I was traveling and the big man upstairs welcomed home one of our family members (and his biggest supporters).  Mind you, if I was coaching myself I’d tell you these are excuses.  But, I’ve always been open to my readers and that’s the way it will continue.

Nonetheless, I wanted to recap the final three posts here and share a brief snippet about what I learned.

Day 29: Am I taking time today to appreciate and LIVE?

Day 29

Day 30: Am I thinking BIG enough?

Day 30

 

Day 31: How will I be remembered?Day 31

Recap:  This project meant a lot to me.  It’s also proved (short to my my last 3 day blunder) the people following this blog are hungry for more content like this.  I’d never done 31 days of straight content production and editing so I also learned a thing or two about time management and scaling a project like this.

I’ll leave you with this.  I had many more than 31 questions when I started my list.  I chose these because after some time reflecting these questions were the ones I was personally struggling to answer most.  Maybe this was the case for you, maybe it wasn’t.  The point is, I hope it caused you to take a moment and reflect.  I hope it left you feeling unsatisfied and energized to continue taking your next opportunity head on.

ACTION ITEM: Over the last 30+ days I’ve received numerous texts, emails, and mentions on phone conversations about this list.  Thank you!  Thank you for not being afraid to tell someone you appreciate their work.  Like they say in the airports, “if you see something (you appreciate), say something!”

 

31 Days of Challenging Questions: Day 28

DAY 28: Would my son be proud of me?

Day 28

ACTION ITEM:  Gut check time. I will admit, I got a little choked up thinking about this one.  Somewhere, sometime, 20+ years from now, my son will be reading this in some version of what the internet looks like.  The answer better be YES!

31 Days of Challenging Questions: Day 27

DAY 27: Do the people I associate with believe in me?

Day 27

ACTION ITEM: I think this is an absolutely wonderful question.  Most every one of us works as part of a team.  Successful teams must believe in one another if they’re going to survive the challenging times (which we all know exist).  If you think you don’t know the answer to this question how would you find out?

Ask this question of someone on your team.  “I really need your help on a special project, can you help?”  Watch their body language…there is your answer.

31 Days of Challenging Questions: Day 26

DAY 26: Have I donated enough?

Day 26

ACTION ITEM: I’m guilty of having a selfish streak.  I get so caught up in what I’m doing I forget to be grateful and give back.  I need to ask this question of myself more often to make sure I’m doing what’s best for others and not just myself.   ~Sorry tribe, didn’t realize this was going to be a personal therapy session.

31 Days of Challenging Questions: Day 25

DAY 25: Have I made any crazy asks lately?

Day 25

ACTION ITEM: I really love this one.  Any time I’m reflecting and I get the feeling I’m playing it a little too safe I’m reminded to be bold, and ask for something OUT THERE.  Why?  Because the worst thing that can happen is the person can say no.  But, what if they didn’t entirely say no, and they met you half way?  What would happen then?

ASK FOR SOMETHING CRAZY THIS WEEK!

31 Days of Challenging Questions: Day 24

DAY 24: What can I do to make myself more valuable today?

Day 24

ACTION ITEM:  Success finds those who exceedingly provide value.  How can you be more valuable to your team, your client, yourself?  Secondly, I’ll ask you to take off your super-driven, achievement-focused hat for a second and reposition the question about family.  How can I be more valuable to my family?

31 Days of Challenging Questions: Day 23

DAY 23: Am I continuing to meet new people?

Day 23

ACTION ITEM: I find myself guilty of becoming comfortable in the people I know.  I need to remind myself to continually get out there and meet new and exciting people.  People with fresh perspectives and experiences on life existing outside of my circle of influence.  Doing this almost always opens me up to new reading material, daily rituals, success strategies and viewpoints I hadn’t considered before.