The “GRIND“: opposing parts desire and dissatisfaction.
The GRIND is glorified by athletes and entrepreneurs as they put in rep after rep in the lab. This grind is rewarded with sweat, performance breakthroughs and improvement through struggle. Instagram post = “Out here Grindin!” Courtesy of DJ Khalid
To the opposition, the GRIND is met with vitriol. Their Monday through Friday work is a GRIND. Showing up for the man. This grind is rewarded by ending whatever misery is being participated in…likely Friday at 5pm.
FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PROCESS
Nick Saban’s love for the process is well documented. Alabama’s entire program and dynasty revolves around “the process” and doing the next play, the next rep, with excellence. One at a time. Every time. In the present moment, with excellence. Forget yesterday. Don’t worry about tomorrow. It’s about performing NOW.
Watching a video from Bedros Keuilian on YouTube, he spoke to the power of a rep or repetition as it relates to confidence. He said the following and it really sunk in.
REPS REMOVE DOUBT
I’ve written extensively about the role of momentum and confidence in life. You either have momentum and life is flowing to you, or you’re working on rebuilding momentum and fighting headwinds. When things are rolling, confidence is high. When challenge is omnipresent, doubt is high, and confidence is low. But how does one build confidence back? How do you get your mojo back?
Build confidence, by Doing the Reps. Bedros said, “repetition removes doubt!”
Notice he didn’t say, repetition guarantees confidence. He went the other way. It removes doubt. When doubt is gone, I believe we’re able to be our [best self] and flow infinitely into whatever task we’re pursuing.
Where do I see this in real life? Let me tell you:
Coaching 8-year old Travel Baseball: The progress some of these kids have made since February is gigantic and it isn’t luck. It’s repetition. Many began the year with some level of FEAR. By the way, the wiring in an 8-year old, is the same wiring in all of us. Think about that for a moment.
10,000 Pull Up Goal: I set a goal at the beginning of 2023 to knock out 10,000 pull ups. As of this post I’m at about 6,400. Flowing easily toward and well past my target. But there is no easy path to 10,000. It’s every day, one rep at a time.
Sales Teams: I’ve lead and coached many sales people and teams in my 20 professional years. The best/most successful, do the reps with rabid consistency. Luck isn’t bestowed upon the consistent high achievers. They stay in the work and eliminate doubt with consistent preparation and action.
Peloton Practice: When our Peloton [handle: zkeeney] arrived in the fall of 2021, I wasn’t sure I’d be into the work. I’ve never been into cycling and I’m typically bored quickly if I’m not on the move. But I committed to doing the first 20 rides. Today I’m over 500+ rides and there are many days I need the work, like I need oxygen. I’m in love with the reps. I’m in love with the sweat and competition.
Whenever I find myself stuck, unable to start a big project or long journey, I focus on taking the first step, in the right direction. Action is key, but so too, is focused direction. Then show up again. And again. The rest will take care of itself when momentum sets in and kinetic energy is flowing.
I’ve always been particularly aware of how I look. I would even be so aware to call it vain at times. Today is no different. The guy on the left is prideful of the work and results. The guy on the right knows the inside looks presents different challenges from the outside.
It’s the end of the month, which means I’m wrapping up my monthly scorecard. The sole reason for my Monthly Scorecard is to focus on those efforts which provide vitality and energy. The side effective is a positive one, and it is being in shape. But I believe it also helps keep my autoimmune disease at bay, most of the time…
Another Spring Time. Another Flare.
I believe this is the 3rd year in a row I experienced an Ulcerative Colitis flare up. I know for certain I had one last year and I’m pretty sure I had one in 2021 as the stress from Covid was having a major impact on everyone’s lives. Myself included.
Starting 2023, I was going to really attack the Scorecard work and ensure I was showing up for those around me as my best self. I’ve been incredibly diligent with my exercise and diet. Not perfect, but very few slip ups or cheats along the way, so the most recent internal discomfort came as a real shock to me. I was controlling the things I could control to a large degree. Here I am talking again about the word control. It was a prominent theme in my post about receiving therapy through Better Help. This is where I’ve spent time reflecting this last week as I had to miss out on a business trip.
The Illusion of Control
The whole reason for the monthly tracking was to distill down the essential efforts which selfishly, make me feel great as a person. It shouldn’t come as a shock, but with consistency my energy is higher, my sleep is better, my body “looks” better and I’m in control of my symptoms…but am I????
I realized the scorecard work is a daily mechanism and a lever of consistency I can count on. What it isn’t however, is a forcefield of control. I’ve yet to truly find out how to stay in remission 24/7. I am learning through trial and error the elements of my lifestyle I have to avoid or limit.
I have a disease. The disease doesn’t have me.
I got to a point the last week or so, which some may call submission. Brilliant doctors across the globe are studying this disease and how it’s triggered. They’re studying how to treat it and keep their patients in remission. Right now, there isn’t a true “cure” so there is a good chance it could be with me for some time. I’m keenly aware of this and I know I’ve also navigated similar disruptions in the past. ~This too shall pass.
Although the physical aspect of the disease isn’t pretty, and I don’t wish it on anyone, I think the mental piece is actually harder because it is omnipresent. These are the daily thoughts of someone with Crohn’s Disease or UC:
What am I going to eat, and how will it make me feel?
(if) for some reason I shouldn’t feel good, is there a restroom nearby?
if not nearby, where is the closest one?
How long are we going to be in the car?
Am I actually feeling really good today… cup coffee, or a beer sounds lovely (but also problematic)
How long will I have to be on this medication?
How do I tell those close to me I need to back out of _____________ (meeting, event, trip, etc.) without being a huge flake?
Searching for the answers to these daily “lifestyle” questions can be anxious and exhausting and why I spend so much time trying to sharpen my mental axe. I know the disease is going to punch back, and when it does, I need to be ready. I need to be ready to show up for my family, my friends, my coworkers and yes…myself!
Perspective is Always Necessary
I have a friend battling cancer. First it was lung cancer (and he never smoked), he beat that…TWICE! Now he’s fighting the same fight against brain cancer with complete faith and his wife by his side. Wow!! To be that strong. Remarkable doesn’t even begin to describe it. But you can read about it here: Eat Pray Breathe
I leave this post thinking about reading more research and trying to gain a better understand of what “springtime” in the midwest has to do with my body annually battling inflammation. I wonder if others experience similar seasonality with symptoms? Either way, tomorrow is May 1st, and it will be back to work on restoring vitality and continuing momentum!
PS – my wife is amazing and always picks up the slack.
The outpouring of responses from my latest post was intense in the best of ways. I had a very strong suspicion there were many others out there like me, experiencing the same [bottled up] feelings I had two years ago. What I didn’t know, is I’d hear from so many of you in droves. You are brave for reaching out and trusting in me to have the conversation!
THANK YOU!
In case you missed it, this is the post which sparked overwhelming response: My Journey with betterhelp.
I received this message from a friend I haven’t heard from in some time. I was instantly moved and felt connected. Here is a selection,
“Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either.”
I received DOZENS of messages like these
Lets be honest. I don’t have the reach of internet sensations: Tim Ferriss, or Rich Roll, or Brene Brown. I figured I’d receive a text and email or two from the post (because I almost always do), but the responses came pouring in and they came in almost immediately. In my nearly 10 years of blogging and sharing my perspective, I’ve NEVER gotten the feedback like I did here. Nor have I felt the instant gratitude to start conversations with people I connected with throughout my life.
I decided to anonymize those who sent feedback to show you what I already believed to be true. Many men are walking a similar journey and had similar stigma around getting help. Some have a history of struggle. Some are in it right now. But all have found a way to seek guidance or hear another voice…besides the voice in their head. If you reached out to me, here is a snippet of what your peers had to say! They appreciate you without even knowing it!
A Friend, an athlete, a great Dad
I read your post regarding therapy. I commend you for doing that, it’s not an easy thing to do much less post about it on your social media. I have been on again/ off again with therapy/ meds for anxiety and depression. A lot of the causes resonated with me because those are some of the same things that reared their ugly head when I was going through it/ still going through it. Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either. I am glad you got out of therapy what you did and are on the other side of it. I am still working through it, but therapy has helped.
A friend, a peer, a great Dad
Good post brother! I’ve met with Aaron Kampman quarterly for the last several years. https://www.thealignprocess.com/aaron-kampman From a mental health standpoint, it is freeing. For me, weight lifts off my shoulders after each session.
A Business Peer
Loved your post Zac. Thank you for your honesty and the courage to put yourself out there for others who may be feeling similarly or the same. I think many of us were/are in a similar boat, but as men, we typically are the last ones to seek out self-care, especially when we have others to care for who come first (wife/partner, child, parents, etc.) I know that’s the challenge I struggle with daily.
A friend, and a rebuilding story
Great post tonight! It hit home for me. It took going through a divorce, therapy, and a lot of self-reflection to get me back to my true self. The toughen up and push through it mentally doesn’t work, and it really just fuels anxiety to the point of changing who you really are. Being vulnerable is where it is at! Thanks for sharing!
A successful business associate, peer and Dad
I’m reaching out because I wanted to let you know that I saw your post about your journey with betterhelp, and I wanted to say THANK YOU for posting that! I’ve been struggling with certain things as well, predominantly professionally, and that post caught me at the exact right time!
A friend, business associate, and great Dad
Love the blog. Thanks for sharing. One of my favorite quotes…Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought. ~James Allen, As a Man Thinketh
As I was sweating through a Peloton ride this morning, my session ended with Emma Lovewell saying this,
When we show up for ourselves, we have the ability to show up as our best-self for others around us
Let me be very upfront. I never thought I’d be here. It wasn’t part of my being, upbringing or belief system. Here means, writing these words and more importantly…sharing what is to follow. But if I don’t share, who will know? And sometimes all it takes is knowing someone else’s path to change yours!
It’s also important to know WHO I’m writing this for. Albeit, I hope this message can help 10s or 100s of young men, or fathers not feel alone in their feelings, there is one in particular I’m on the lookout for. My 8-year old son…who is yet to become a man. We are SO MUCH alike, I understand he may walk a similar path in his 20s, 30s or 40s and I want him to know where Dad was at a shared time of life. Love you Landon!
How did we get here?
This is a post about the dichotomy of security and vulnerability. Let me first say I’m incredibly hopeful and grateful in writing this post. I’m hopeful this message will reach another human (likely a male) who is looking for support or structure in uncertainty. I’m secure enough as a person to know I can share these thoughts without fear, and vulnerable enough to get to the truth in the process.
I’d like to be abundantly clear that I thought mental health and a person seeking ‘help’ were W-E-A-K when I was in my younger years. I’d experienced a few people around me who struggled with depression or anxiety, but I just didn’t get it. I couldn’t rationalize or empathize and like any young and arrogant 20-something I thought “toughen up” and “move through it” were the answers. I’m sorry I thought that. I’m sorry I was so naive.
I guess the old saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” is at play here.
The Additive Components
As I get older, I’m becoming more of a thinker and try to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I don’t think the melancholy “feels” I had in 2021 were merely a result of COVID. That said, COVID may have been the great accelerator in the process! I believe the following stressful components were all at play over time:
Multiple Rounds of IVF to have our two kids (these are definitely stressful times and they added up)
Battling Ulcerative Colitis Flares – This is definitely a source of trauma for me since I was 27. I’ve gone through enough to know what to expect…and it isn’t pretty.
Never Ending Ambition and Achievement – I’m wired this way! Hard to shut it off.
Lockdowns and Kids at Home – Juggling a business that immediately took a turn into a ravine while having kids at home was flat out hard. Trying to find balance amongst it all was very challenging and I suck at balance.
COVID layoffs – One is hard, two is enough. I think I participated in three in total including 2020 and dealing with the wake of COVID. This left me feeling entirely hallow. Lives were being upended and as a leader, I felt responsible.
Resentment – I held this in a large capacity due to an expectation of a business deal/payoff that was likely floundering and consequent relationships left in that wake. Both put me in a sour and grumpy state quite regularly. The more I thought, the more betrayed I felt.
Relationship With my Wife – We weren’t in an awful state, but we weren’t good from the notable life changes we were both juggling above. Most days felt more like survival in a weird sense and everyone was on edge. She was trying to manage the kids while I looked after the business that was running poorly.
Daily Dose of Bad News – Every day upon waking from a Princess and the Pea “less than restful” night of sleep it was like I was waiting for impending doom. How much money had we lost? What clients disappeared? Who resigned? Who is sick? What can I do about any of this anyway?????
Add all these components up and you’ve got a toxic fear-based cocktail being consumed multiple times daily.
Falling into the Gray
A few weeks ago I stumbled on to the Unbreakable Podcast with host Jay Glazer after hearing it promoted. I was drawn to his very first guest and a man I have a great deal of respect for, Sean McVay. Together, they discuss what Jay labels as “the gray” and unpack what it means to both of them to be more vulnerable in their mental health journeys. I really encourage the listen as I thought it helped add a ton of context to what I was feeling and experiencing. It’s different for every person, but similar all the same. Jay also gave me the motivation to be “man enough” publish this post.
It All Took a Toll
The most meaningful steps I believe I took in my 30s were the steps toward more self-awareness (the good and the bad). Two years ago, I was self aware enough and at a point where I knew I just needed some help. Every day I seemed to feel worse and worse both physically and mentally. My physical body was taking a toll and I couldn’t continue on without a radical shift in behavior. I needed someone else with whom I could speak with who was unbiased and could rationalize a path forward.
Let me also be very clear that I never once thought about hurting myself or others around me. I’ve never been there and I can’t say I know anything about those feelings, but I’m undoubtably respectful of those who are in this place! I empathize with you. Seek help. Talk. Michael Phelps said it here, “It’s ok, to not be OK!”
I Raised My Hand – I Need Some Help
I’m not sure I can identify the mechanism of “how” I found betterhelp, but I’m incredibly happy I did. It may honestly have been the social-distancing necessity of the pandemic and the virtual nature of all things meant this guy didn’t have to sit down across from someone I didn’t know and pour out my feelings(in person). I don’t know if my pride or ego was ready for that. Moving forward, it felt like the right answer and I was assigned a therapist based on a questionnaire they provided. We were off. My first session was scheduled…and I was nervous as hell.
~PAUSE~ Holy Shit…am I really doing this???
Oh my god. Was I ready for this? What did I just sign up for? What questions would she ask? Would I be vulnerable enough to tell the truth? (yes, us men struggle with this if it means violating our “manhood”) What if I needed more help? What if I cried? What if…
What if…This Was Exactly What I Needed?
I took notes on the process and found the back-and-forth journaling exercises from betterhelp to be very helpful. My journey started with some EMDR therapy to slow me down (My words, not the therapist’s). I needed to unwind all that had become fiercely tangled up. Next, we truly unpacked each of the elements leading up to why I was there in the first place. One by One. Every experience. Every element of PTSD I was laboring over. I was caught in a feedback loop and the merry-go-round was spinning too fast to get off or even let go.
After only a few sessions I feel like I changed my tone from “fix me, I’m broken,” to a much more curious person ready to explore who’d I’d become as a result of all the elements noted above. I’d been able to gain control of what I was experiencing and talk through it. I was still stressed, but I felt like the possibility of feeling better (not stressed 24/7) existed again. I once heard meditation described as, being able to look at the washing machine, from the outside, while it is running. I feel this way about my experience with therapy.
After a few months, some serious self care and inner work, I was starting to feel like myself again. I was getting my swagger back. I think part of this was timing of how the world was coming out of the pandemic, but I also believe I’d become much more at peace with what I could and couldn’t control. After all, that’s what all of this is about isn’t it? Control and expectations!
Looking Forward
I’m not perfect and don’t pretend to be. I have many thoughts, but don’t own all the answers. This is yet another example of life happening to me and being vulnerable enough to know I needed guidance. I hope this message can find someone in need of help and know a stubborn, sometimes overly-confident and prideful person like myself walked a similar path to find resources.
My therapist left me with these thoughts. “Life will most certainly get hard again at some point. Lean on these experiences to get through it smoother than you did last time and know you have tools at your disposal to slow it all down. It’s very likely you will encounter another Colitis flare in life…and you can work to get through it, just as you have the rest of them.”
I don’t know if ALL THERAPY works. What I know, is that I’m incredibly grateful to the betterhelp team and my therapist who helped me get through a tough patch in my life. You removed any stigma I had around the thought of seeking help and I hope others can follow a similar path if needed.
To Landon, should you be reading this years from now, know that it’s ok to talk to Dad openly about it and what you may be experiencing. I’ll listen!
It’s my first month recapping my newly refreshed personal scorecard and the most important reflection of any month is two-fold for me.
How do I feel? (Physically, Mentally, Spiritually)
Where is my momentum?
I made a few noticeable scorecard changes headed into 2023, all of which draw me closer to creating positive momentum in my life, relationships and general wellbeing. If you’d like, you can catch up on the revision news here [Evolution of the Scorecard].
How do I feel?
As we recap January I feel physically great. To be very candid, I’m actually really tired of the snow and cold weather…but I control neither of those (other than booking the nearest flight to tropical waters). As for what I can control, I worked out 24 times in January. I set (4) PRs on Peloton rides, which I believe is more than any other month since I started riding and even stacked a couple Two-a-Day workouts. I cranked out 1,660 pull ups in my quest to conquer 10,000 annually in 2023. I’ve also been following a more disciplined food regime (I wouldn’t call it a diet). The Wahls Protocol. My ulcerative colitis symptoms are in remission or non-existent and I’m generally sleeping well. Coincidence…or momentum harnessed as a result of the work?
Mentally I also feel like I’m in a great spot. I can’t say I’ve had any real headwinds to battle, other than about this time every year, I get sick of being cold and dark. Winter UGH. I would like to work a little harder on my daily discipline with my mediation work, because when we least expect it…that’s when life sends challenges. That’s why we prepare every day. Work to do here. Easy to do. Easy NOT to do.
Spiritually, I feel pretty good as well. I actually took the time to make note of a few bible verses during recent Orchard Hill sermons and did something I haven’t habitually done, which is return back and read them at a later date and reflect upon what I needed to ingest. The only gap in my “pretty good” response is my wife and I are looking for a more permanent church to call home and to integrate the kids. As with many things, I think some focused action here will win out.
Where is Momentum?
There are times when I feel like I mention or reference momentum too often. There are other times when I feel like it should be talked about much MUCH more. The importance of generating momentum is a critical life skill because we all get knocked off track sooner or later. It’s knowing how to get back on track (quickly) that’s a real life hack! Everyone is looking for “hacks”, so why not figure out what gives you energy and results in jumping out of the blocks quick…like a spry rabbit.
I’m fulfilled with the tailwinds January generated. Beyond the exercise, I’m happy with executing a 24+ hr fast and spending focused “date” time with Mrs. Keeney. We had a couple lunches together and a night out with friends which was so much fun and needed!. Fasting and Date Night were each new additions to my monthly focus, and I’m happy to say each was COMPLETED in January.
Do the work. Get the reward.
It comes as no shock to me I’m feeling energized wrapping up what usually feels like the l-o-n-g-e-s-t month of the year. I identified those essential activities which give me energy and vitally. I completed the necessary efforts with discipline and momentum is my reward. Simple. But not easy.
I leave you with this challenge.
Where are you with generating momentum in your life?
What’s keeping you from defining the essential efforts in your life?
I’ve heard from others who were looking to create similar “Scorecards” – would you be willing to share?
I’d been mulling changes to my scorecard for a few weeks now, and some recent reading is telling me NOW is the time to evolve my monthly tracking ritual.
Welcome to the 2023 Version of the Keen Mind Scorecard
First off, lets note the elements that didn’t change:
Meditation – This discipline remains a staple in my monthly effort. 20X minimum.
Exercise – There is slight change in this area of focus with a +2 increase in monthly minimum effort.
Church – No change to this effort from previous scorecard.
(2) Books – No change. I’ll continue to strive to consume one written and one audiobook per month.
Now for the NEW STUFF:
24-Hr. Fast: I got to this one in a roundabout and rather unconventional way. I’ve had my fair share of colonoscopies for a 40-year old. That said, I have learned something from this process. Each colonoscopy requires a 24+ hour fasting period as “prep” for the event. Prep is a funny word, as they really should call it [aggressively] draining every ounce of food in your digestive track. Either way, I’ll consume only coffee, tea, or water in this process and a really interesting thing happens. It feels odd from about the 12-16 hour mark because I’m typically hungry, but then it feels like my body really settles into the challenge. From here, I do feel a slight boost of adrenaline and mental sharpness. This is also when the body starts to detoxify itself and heal…two things my Autoimmune condition can really appreciate. For all these reasons, I’m going to attempt to conquer one 24 hour fast per month. Easy to do, easy NOT to do.
Dating My Wife: I was primed to add this to my monthly scorecard by reading The Warrior Book. Balance is one of Garrett’s areas of focus with his family and his “date night” is something they DO NOT gravitate away from. Selfishly speaking this is something my wife and I can work on. We’ve got two young kids (4 and 8) and we’re busy. But we’re not sooo busy that we can’t make time for just the two of us to reconnect. Honestly, I was going to only have 1x per week on here, but that felt lazy and pretty weak candidly. So two it is. Grab a babysitter and get out there!
Pass on Resolutions – Find Momentum
As I’ve challenge many before, don’t go the path of New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, I challenge all readers to find the things that truly make you “feel good” and hone in on the frequency needed to gamify your own lifestyle. When you see it on paper in front of you, accountability ensues.
As former Navy Seal Jocko Willink says in his NY Time Bestseller: Discipline Equals Freedom. My scorecard is my connection to freedom.
~Happy New Year All!
PS – Here’s a short list of the elements that didn’t make the list:
Ice Bath – I was thinking of a 6-8X a month Ice bath but I’m going to leave that one alone for now and see how the current revisions play out.
Charitable Contribution – I was considering sticking to a monthly dedication of a charitable donation, but we do a pretty good job of this and didn’t feel the need to stay after it on a monthly regimen.
Kids Date Night [with each child] – Kids need total focus too and I was REALLY close to putting this one on there. I’m going to keep it in mind as my wife and I work on our accountability.
“I’m starting with the Man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways”
I am the Man in the Mirror. The reflection of the results I see, are a direct output of my intentions from 2022. David Goggins in his book, Can’t Hurt Me, spoke to himself through the reflection of his Accountability Mirror. The mirror doesn’t tell lies or have feelings or stories. The mirror and the reflection it produces only reflects the truth.
As I move forward into a new year, I will NOT be stating a New Year’s Resolution.
Instead, I’ll be writing down and reinforcing my intentions for the days and weeks ahead. Sum all these efforts together and I’ll have a year’s worth of progress.
Tony Robbins has a wonderful saying and I think it jumps off the page in relationship to this post.
We don’t get our shoulds…but we get our MUSTS!
Although this is obvious and I love it, I feel like intentions can sometimes be more subtle. Here are a few examples:
I “Never” miss an episode of ______________________ (that’s focus intention)
Wednesdays are my boys night where we meet up and have a cocktail (that’s time intention)
I’ve got to have the newest _________________ (that’s spend intention)
I always have a beer watching the game (that’s body/diet intention)
The 2nd Thursday of every month is date-night for my wife and I (that’s balance/relationship intention)
Wednesday mornings I time block to study and look deeper into my business (that’s time intention)
July is the month we always take a week-long family vacation (that’s balance intention)
I try to never miss a day without a green smoothie (that’s diet intention)
None are good. None are bad. They are simply focused choices.
We all have the same amount of time.
That’s the mindf*ck of it all. If you want to get super deep in the idea of time management listen to this Ed Mylett podcast [Respect and Protect Your Time] with guest Rob Dyrdek. Rob has gotten maniacal with the focused distribution of his most valuable resource: Time.
As I head into 2023, I’ll be refining my intentions for the the Warrior’s Way and making daily progress on: Body, Being, Balance, and Business.
If I start a post with MJ, I’ll end with MJ.
If you want to make the world a better place, better look at yourself and make a change
I know what I want and I’ll get after it with intention. Results are certain to follow.
Last week I was in Chicago for a host of meetings with clients, a Holiday Extravaganza and a Basis Holiday party. By the way, I get the “Holiday” thing, I’m just not used to it. I want to say Christmas Party and it isn’t because I want to offend anyone.
Anyway as I stray from the path of this post, my travels encompassed a few days of eating out, coffee, lunches, cocktails, and a couple late nights (add karaoke). All this sent me traveling back home feeling puffy (inflamed) and needing a good night of sleep. For me, this is a BIG DEAL!
Coincidentally, I stumbled upon this YouTube Video from Jocko Willink with guest Tim Ferriss. Please watch.
“Never Stray from The Way” – from Miyamoto Musashi.
It is the path of discipline and discomfort, but it is the RIGHT path.
Get on the Path. Stay on the Path
You might be asking, what was really different from last week’s travels to this week? I’ll tell you.
DIET – I follow a pretty regimented diet. I won’t say entirely strict, but my time at home almost always includes at least one smoothie a day (Purple Smoothie for breakfast), and most days two smoothies. It’s a simple and efficient way for me to consume a ton of fruits and vegetables while maintaining a good diet.
EXERCISE – My current rhythm calls for 5-6 days of working out a week. In Chicago I was as effective as the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl. (0-3). Zero Peloton rides. Zero push ups/pull ups. Zero runs.
MEDITATE – I try and hit at least 1x per day at home. Some days I hit two. When I was traveling I also couldn’t get off zero.
SLEEP – It shouldn’t be a shock, but when the three key elements above are met, I sleep well. Not meeting usually I don’t get a restful night of sleep. Anecdotally, mix in a little alcohol and a late night Karaoke session and quality sleep isn’t likely to follow that recipe either.
The elements noted above are the north star guiding my compass to keep me progressing on the The Path. I find this similar to the work I’m doing while reading “The Warrior Book” by Garrett J. White and his Wake Up Warrior Movement. Garrett’s path for all warriors is to “have it all” by mastering: Body, Being, Balance and Business through a focused daily practice.
I know my Path. Following it is entirely about discipline.
Following The Path does three powerful things for me.
It’s a Reset when I’ve strayed from the things that give me the most vitality (usually to a state of low energy)
It generates tremendous momentum. Stacking days on the path leads to a vitality and vigor
This personal view also doesn’t account for those things that drive success in my business life or my role as a husband/father. But it does help me show up as the best version of myself.
My ask to any and all readers is to find your path. Be intentional with your efforts and time so you can deliver your best self to all other elements of your life.
This is just like the instructions a flight attendant gives you if/when oxygen masks are deployed during flight. PUT YOUR MASK ON FIRST!! If you can’t give yourself oxygen F-I-R-S-T, your ability to help others is irrelevant. The Path is our oxygen to help ourselves and others!
I’m fortunate to be “off” the next 11 days, and I look forward to owning my Path and catapulting myself into 2023.
My 30’s were a decade of transformation…beyond the fact that the guy on the left looks much more rested and spry!
One may argue recency bias, but looking back at all the decades of my life [0-9], [10-19], [20-29], and [30-39] I believe I took the largest leap forward in many areas of my life in my 30s.
Let us quickly recap the decades:
0-9: Largely Developmental and learning [how and where] to go to the bathroom
10-19: Puberty and all the weirdness that comes with it, along with middle school and high school.
20-29: Selfishly focused hard work. Living on my own. Work hard and play hard. Looking out for #1.
30’s…
I stumbled upon this idea while thumbing through some old journals I have stored in my office. It was fascinating looking back on the ideas I wrote about, the goals I set and the thoughtful scribbles I catalogued along the way. Much of this journaling started in my mid to late 20’s so I had a basis for comparison when I started thinking about what’s to follow.
Foregoing the obvious and expected, like many others, my 30’s offered many milestones in my life. These thoughts are less about the milestones themselves and more about what I learned in the process.
Parenthood: Becoming a parent was a scientific journey for my wife and I. After years of trying “the old fashioned way,” we found ourselves at the University of Iowa Hospitals looking for help in starting our family. What followed was an IVF journey I couldn’t ever be prepared for. I say this because my wife and I are “Type A Preparers” by nature. We control. We organize. We define when things happen…except for pregnancy. Soon I would learn all I could control in this process were the black circles I drew on the small of my wife’s back with a Sharpie. Followed by the two inch needle I’d insert inside the circle and inject progesterone oil on a nightly cadence into her lower back. I don’t remember how many consecutive nights we did this for, but it felt like years! Fast-forward 9 years, and we’ve got an 8-year old son and nearly 4-year old daughter. We’re eternally grateful for all those at the U of I who helped us fulfill our parenthood dreams…albeit in a test tube. There is no love like being a parent. There is no uncertainty like being a parent. This is a bit of foreshadowing, but it was also my first experience with being truly anxious.
BusinessOwnership: On Feb. 27, 2012 I sent a LinkedIn message to a friend titled, “Opportunity Calls.” Yes, I saved the email too!! A few months later at 30 years old, the introduction paid off and the Agency I worked for acquired TargetClick Marketing to start a new digital division of the larger company. It was exhilarating and I got the itch to scratch on “owning a business” from my new colleagues. Greg, Doug, Therese, I’m forever grateful for you all and your friendship! As luck would have it, opportunity called to me a few years later and I was on the buyers side of the table again in 2015. The business I bought into was already successful, but we quickly drove it to new heights in a couple short and explosive years of growth. Just a year later, we had an offer to sell the business to a Private Equity backed holding company out of Memphis, TN. It was Dec. 1, 2016. I was 34. When my contract expired I’d be 38 or 39 years old. As the story unfolded, I left that business at 39 and President of the organization. Almost funny isn’t it? How timing works. It’s almost like that chapter, that decade, that opportunity needed closure at 39!
Investing: I’ve always had a strong interest in money. I’m interested in how it works, how it’s made, and how different groups of people think about and use money. In my 30’s my “money education” grew exponentially via the concept of asking some really simple questions to people I considered successful. What do the wealthy do? What do the wealthy own? Key word: OWN. I made it my mission to learn, apply knowledge and own more assets in my 30’s. I already noted the business ownership above (Check box). At 35, I started my real estate investment and ownership journey. I made the decision early in my 30’s and set a plan to “retire” by the ripe age of 45. There were two ways to do this. Win the lottery, or create income outside of any [9-5 income] to cover any basic monthly expenses. Real Estate offered the mechanism to accomplish the latter. I’m nearly five years into the journey and about 65% of the way to F-R-E-E-D-O-M (Say it like William Wallace screams it in Braveheart!!). Lesson here, big dreams are terrific. But nothing happens without taking big action!
Anxiety Lesson #1: I first learned about and truly experienced anxiety in my 30’s. The first time I’d ever had this feeling it was chemically induced and it was when I quit an all too frequent chewing tobacco habit. When that chemical addiction was defeated, I thought the feeling would be as well, but I was pulled back into some of those panicky feelings when going through the IVF process noted above. Being anxious is an exhausting experience. There were times I felt paralyzed in the “trigger protocol” of everything we were going through and we had so much HOPE invested in the process…but no guarantee lived on the other side. I didn’t want to feel our dreams getting crushed AGAIN! What I learned is the anxiety wasn’t about hope. It was about control. A lesson I’d learn again closing out my 30s with COVID.
Anxiety Lesson #2 – COVID. I don’t think we’re done learning about the true impact of COVID-19 on our mental well-being. COVID was a lasting anxious moment for me tied to things I thought I was owed and people I didn’t want to let down. When COVID initially hit, it was shock and awe for everyone…myself included. Those first few months with the kids at home, while running a business that was losing money every day, week, month felt impossible, but we got through the 1st wave. But not without making significant cuts to staff. If you’ve never done this, or sat up late at night staring at a spreadsheet with humans names on them…it’s REALLY hard. By dawn, a plan had to be in place to reduce expenses by many thousands of dollars. The fastest way to do that is something we’re seeing today across Big Tech companies. Eliminate large chunks of payroll. I’d never experienced this before, much less be one of the key trigger men. I wasn’t sleeping well or dealing well with the weight of these decisions. People’s lives were in my hands and I couldn’t find a fast or easy decision to circumvent this choice. In the Spring of 2021 my body started breaking down from the lasting stress and my Ulcerative Colitis flared again. Heavy lies the crown of leadership! At the end of it all, I can say I just didn’t want to let my peers, colleagues and former partners down. We were also owed some money from the sale of our business, and due to COVID I thought there was little to no chance we’d ever see it. Was this my fault? Again, these feelings are all about CONTROL. Now I’m afforded the opportunity to sit with these feelings and be more aware. I’m more aware of what’s in my control vs. what is not. I’m more open to talking through deeply challenging situations and most importantly asking for help/guidance.
At the expense of getting too windy on this post, I learned much more in my 30’s, but a post needs closure. I learned to meditate effectively in my 30s. I learned I have some of the best friends a person could ask for. I also learned a great deal about my body and diet.
All of this to say, I look forward to crushing the next decade in my 40s!
I think it’s safe to say I’m hardwired for ambition. It’s in my DNA to be ambitious. As most children do, I had dreams including BIG accomplishments. As an adolescent maybe that meant money, maybe it meant fame, or maybe I’d someday be able to say, “I made it” from a tropical paradise!
Aging provides a perspective to all these childhood dreams. That perspective is molded from the crucible of life and over time I think less about the dream and more about the why behind it and where it’s taking me?
BIG Accomplishment – What does this even mean? Or how will I know when I get there?
Money – Sure, when I was young I wanted to be RICH…who didn’t. Now, I’d rather be wealthy and financially free. (Ask Shaq, he learned there’s a BIG difference between being Rich vs. Wealthy)
Fame – Of course. I was going to be an athlete, or maybe in the movies. But I’m really cool with that not happening now. I also know my personality would NOT have handled fame well as a young adult. There’s a decent chance my ego wouldn’t have survived this dream well.
So I guess this leaves me defeated?
Not the least. I’m still just as ambitious as when I was young and I could easily argue I’m probably more ambitious now at 40 because this ambition comes with a focus and desire toward something much more real and toward something bigger than myself or selfish desires.
The element I’m thinking deeply about here is how much ambition is motivating, and how much creates problems. I heard a speaker say this earlier this year and it’s really stuck with me. Read it a couple times.
“The fire which forges, also consumes”
Isn’t that the truth. Push hard enough to push through challenge and produce meaningful progress. But, don’t push so hard you push everyone else away in the process of your selfish pursuit. Ambition…but not craziness boarding on obsession.
I read today the founder of Patagonia, Yvon Chouinard gave away his company with the purpose of ALL profits going to fight climate change. I often think about legacy and that’s a HELLUVA one to leave. Whether you think it’s “woke capitalism” or not. He will be remembered for doing something BIG! I very much appreciate the ambition required to make that happen. I also know he’s in his 80s. I wonder how he was thinking in his 30s or 40s.
What does Ambition look like to me now?
Let’s start with what it is not. I have very little ambition that remains for stuff. I think the simple saying that rings true here is, “There’s always another guy with a BIGGER boat!” I’m all for having nice things, but the pursuit of them is never ending and empty.
Lets instead look to the alternative. I view ambition through the eyes of an athlete or competitor because that’s what I’ve always been. When the final bell rings or the curtain drops, all that is left is the competitor. The individual, sweaty from effort, exhausted from thorough competition has no more ambition. There is nothing left to chase. It’s over. My question is, “how would I feel?”
My ambition for this moment trails less and less toward the idea of Win vs. Loss (and I’m a dude who isn’t shy to say I LOVE WINNING!). My desire for this moment is the realization I reached my best self or maximum contribution for others. The deep fulfilling breath that comes only from knowing you competed well at the highest level and got everything out of your talent you could. As Tony Dungy says, “No excuses no explantations.”
The only way to realize this feeling, is to remain ambitious
This is why I continually push myself and others. There is more to learn. I can be in better shape. I can be a better Dad, husband, business partner, or friend. If you’re a reader of this blog you know my affinity for Tony Robbins. Tony preaches, Happiness = Progress.
Now if you’re the cynical type, I can see someone challenging this and saying, “Yeah Zac, that’s great. But your ambition lacks specifics!” I’d say this is fair, but ambition is about desire vs. a goal which is about a target/outcome.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get to my point of a realizing my “best self”, but I’m sure as hell going to try and continue progressing along the way!
