My 30’s were a decade of transformation…beyond the fact that the guy on the left looks much more rested and spry!

One may argue recency bias, but looking back at all the decades of my life [0-9], [10-19], [20-29], and [30-39] I believe I took the largest leap forward in many areas of my life in my 30s.

Let us quickly recap the decades:

• 0-9: Largely Developmental and learning [how and where] to go to the bathroom
• 10-19: Puberty and all the weirdness that comes with it, along with middle school and high school.
• 20-29: Selfishly focused hard work. Living on my own. Work hard and play hard. Looking out for #1.
• 30’s…

I stumbled upon this idea while thumbing through some old journals I have stored in my office. It was fascinating looking back on the ideas I wrote about, the goals I set and the thoughtful scribbles I catalogued along the way. Much of this journaling started in my mid to late 20’s so I had a basis for comparison when I started thinking about what’s to follow.

Foregoing the obvious and expected, like many others, my 30’s offered many milestones in my life. These thoughts are less about the milestones themselves and more about what I learned in the process.

1. Parenthood: Becoming a parent was a scientific journey for my wife and I. After years of trying “the old fashioned way,” we found ourselves at the University of Iowa Hospitals looking for help in starting our family. What followed was an IVF journey I couldn’t ever be prepared for. I say this because my wife and I are “Type A Preparers” by nature. We control. We organize. We define when things happen…except for pregnancy. Soon I would learn all I could control in this process were the black circles I drew on the small of my wife’s back with a Sharpie. Followed by the two inch needle I’d insert inside the circle and inject progesterone oil on a nightly cadence into her lower back. I don’t remember how many consecutive nights we did this for, but it felt like years! Fast-forward 9 years, and we’ve got an 8-year old son and nearly 4-year old daughter. We’re eternally grateful for all those at the U of I who helped us fulfill our parenthood dreams…albeit in a test tube. There is no love like being a parent. There is no uncertainty like being a parent. This is a bit of foreshadowing, but it was also my first experience with being truly anxious.
2. Business Ownership: On Feb. 27, 2012 I sent a LinkedIn message to a friend titled, “Opportunity Calls.” Yes, I saved the email too!! A few months later at 30 years old, the introduction paid off and the Agency I worked for acquired TargetClick Marketing to start a new digital division of the larger company. It was exhilarating and I got the itch to scratch on “owning a business” from my new colleagues. Greg, Doug, Therese, I’m forever grateful for you all and your friendship! As luck would have it, opportunity called to me a few years later and I was on the buyers side of the table again in 2015. The business I bought into was already successful, but we quickly drove it to new heights in a couple short and explosive years of growth. Just a year later, we had an offer to sell the business to a Private Equity backed holding company out of Memphis, TN. It was Dec. 1, 2016. I was 34. When my contract expired I’d be 38 or 39 years old. As the story unfolded, I left that business at 39 and President of the organization. Almost funny isn’t it? How timing works. It’s almost like that chapter, that decade, that opportunity needed closure at 39!
3. Investing: I’ve always had a strong interest in money. I’m interested in how it works, how it’s made, and how different groups of people think about and use money. In my 30’s my “money education” grew exponentially via the concept of asking some really simple questions to people I considered successful. What do the wealthy do? What do the wealthy own? Key word: OWN. I made it my mission to learn, apply knowledge and own more assets in my 30’s. I already noted the business ownership above (Check box). At 35, I started my real estate investment and ownership journey. I made the decision early in my 30’s and set a plan to “retire” by the ripe age of 45. There were two ways to do this. Win the lottery, or create income outside of any [9-5 income] to cover any basic monthly expenses. Real Estate offered the mechanism to accomplish the latter. I’m nearly five years into the journey and about 65% of the way to F-R-E-E-D-O-M (Say it like William Wallace screams it in Braveheart!!). Lesson here, big dreams are terrific. But nothing happens without taking big action!
4. Anxiety Lesson #1: I first learned about and truly experienced anxiety in my 30’s. The first time I’d ever had this feeling it was chemically induced and it was when I quit an all too frequent chewing tobacco habit. When that chemical addiction was defeated, I thought the feeling would be as well, but I was pulled back into some of those panicky feelings when going through the IVF process noted above. Being anxious is an exhausting experience. There were times I felt paralyzed in the “trigger protocol” of everything we were going through and we had so much HOPE invested in the process…but no guarantee lived on the other side. I didn’t want to feel our dreams getting crushed AGAIN! What I learned is the anxiety wasn’t about hope. It was about control. A lesson I’d learn again closing out my 30s with COVID.
5. Anxiety Lesson #2 – COVID. I don’t think we’re done learning about the true impact of COVID-19 on our mental well-being. COVID was a lasting anxious moment for me tied to things I thought I was owed and people I didn’t want to let down. When COVID initially hit, it was shock and awe for everyone…myself included. Those first few months with the kids at home, while running a business that was losing money every day, week, month felt impossible, but we got through the 1st wave. But not without making significant cuts to staff. If you’ve never done this, or sat up late at night staring at a spreadsheet with humans names on them…it’s REALLY hard. By dawn, a plan had to be in place to reduce expenses by many thousands of dollars. The fastest way to do that is something we’re seeing today across Big Tech companies. Eliminate large chunks of payroll. I’d never experienced this before, much less be one of the key trigger men. I wasn’t sleeping well or dealing well with the weight of these decisions. People’s lives were in my hands and I couldn’t find a fast or easy decision to circumvent this choice. In the Spring of 2021 my body started breaking down from the lasting stress and my Ulcerative Colitis flared again. Heavy lies the crown of leadership! At the end of it all, I can say I just didn’t want to let my peers, colleagues and former partners down. We were also owed some money from the sale of our business, and due to COVID I thought there was little to no chance we’d ever see it. Was this my fault? Again, these feelings are all about CONTROL. Now I’m afforded the opportunity to sit with these feelings and be more aware. I’m more aware of what’s in my control vs. what is not. I’m more open to talking through deeply challenging situations and most importantly asking for help/guidance.

At the expense of getting too windy on this post, I learned much more in my 30’s, but a post needs closure. I learned to meditate effectively in my 30s. I learned I have some of the best friends a person could ask for. I also learned a great deal about my body and diet.

All of this to say, I look forward to crushing the next decade in my 40s!