Tag Archives: Achievement

The Paradox: Acceptance vs. Achievement

I’ve thought many times. Am I bi-polar, because I can’t choose my path? I often feel both powers of acceptance and achievement at play in my life like a cosmic duel. I want to push-push-push, and then sometimes completely LET GO. I also struggle with the ability to know when to STOP pushing.

It’s the yin and the yang, the push and the pull. Accepting vs. achieving. One day I’m listening to Zac Brown Band or classical piano, the next day it’s Jay-Z and 2Pac. But I guess that’s the rhythm of life at play.

Lets be real…I’m self diagnosed TYPE A. I’ve never been short on ambition and I take tremendous pride for the ability to “achieve” the goals set out in front of me. There are times however (many of them), where I wonder if my ambition causes me to hold on too tight, or expect immediate outcomes from my steering. The quote, “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me” would be spot on for this behavior.

I’ve heard Grant Cardone speak to this by saying, “Everything is my fault.” Good. Bad. Indifferent. It’s up to no one else, but me. 100% Ownership of all outcomes. This vibe comes to me pretty easily, but I also believe over time it stresses and oxidizes the body.

To complete the paradox, there are other times I feel absolute acceptance.

What will be, will be. I can gulp this behavior down like a shot of Robitussin, but it is possible.

The Principle: accept any and all outcomes from the effort, no matter good or bad. The side of me hoping and practicing to be decent Christian feels the need to consistently improve upon this line of thinking. The bible is littered with tales of submission and acceptance to the plan of the higher power.

What I’m learning is, Acceptance isn’t a behavior of throwing up my arms and simply being sloth waiting for life to hit from every direction. It’s not learned helplessness. The effort part is the only control. The outcome actually isn’t up to me.

Enter stoicism.

When I first thought of the stoics, I thought they were void of all feelings and robotic. It’s actually opposite of that. Stoicism is about radical acceptance. Feel all the feelings, but be non-judgmental. Love what happens to you and see it as a chance for personal growth.

“What a power man has to do nothing except what God will approve, and to accept all that God may give him.”

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 12.11

If you’re curious on the stoics, their thinking, or a daily practice, I highly recommend the book by Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic. The daily practice of reading one page of stoic philosophy helps rewire my brain for a more pragmatic approach that’s been battle tested 2,000 years ago.

“Demand not that events should happen as you wish; but wish them to happen as they do happen, and you will go on well”

Epictetus, Enchiridion 8

Striking a Balance

That’s acceptance and achievement in the perfect balance for me. It’s a beautiful two-part harmony. Use my achievement wiring to drive the effort piece of the equation. Without effort, little can or will be achieved. As legendary coach Nick Saban calls it, “The Process”. Do what’s in front of you. Do your job. Do it well. Do it with consistency.

I’ll lean on the continued growth of my acceptance muscles to better accept the outcome. Good or bad, what happened, happened and a new path forward may need to be considered.

31 Days of Challenging Questions: Day 27

DAY 27: Do the people I associate with believe in me?

Day 27

ACTION ITEM: I think this is an absolutely wonderful question.  Most every one of us works as part of a team.  Successful teams must believe in one another if they’re going to survive the challenging times (which we all know exist).  If you think you don’t know the answer to this question how would you find out?

Ask this question of someone on your team.  “I really need your help on a special project, can you help?”  Watch their body language…there is your answer.

Achievement Addiction Addressed

We’re a nation of addicts.  Uppers, downers, and achievement.  Yes, achievement.  I too struggle with this addiction.Screen Shot 2014-03-09 at 11.02.02 AM

This week I got to reading about achievement addiction throughout generation Y and millennials.  What struck me as very interesting is the way many of us attempt to measure ourselves and those around us with our stack of achievements.  I decided to compile a list of a few of those things I see every day.

1. Your College/University

2. College GPA

3. Where You Live (City, Zip Code, Neighborhood)

4. Your Home Size

5. Name Brand Anything/Stuff

6. The Car You Drive

Truth be told it’s really hard not to be addicted to achievement, especially in today’s world. I know I’m a happier version of myself when I’m “achieving” or accomplishing goals.  It feels good.  I’m definitely not going to tell you to underachieve.  Those words will never come out of my mouth.

What I started to learn wasn’t so much about the feeling, it was the pursuit of why the achievement is needed.  Why do I need to feel this way?  What am I chasing in order to fuel these false achievements?  Who (more importantly) do I feel the need to compare myself with?  This is the scariest one!

Keeping up with the Kardashians has never been more prominent than in today’s society.  What I realized I needed to work on was the the idea that the achievement won’t ever overestimate who I really am.

In a famous NFL rant, then Arizona Cardinals head coach Denny Green screamed, “They are who we thought they were!” Here’s the clip

Green was referring to the undefeated Chicago Bears after the Cardinals blew a late game lead and squandered the opportunity to send the Bears home with their 1st loss of the season.

The lesson, I am who you think I am.

I came across this post on LifeHack.org, Do You Have An Achievement Addiction.  The element that brought me to blogging about it on A Keen Mind blog was the following statement, “Addicted to achievement, we forget there is a huge difference between success at a task or goal and success as a person.”

Stuff.  Achieve, accumulate stuff, and sometime hopefully many years down the road after my eulogy a garage sale of grandiose scale will take place.  Thrifty shoppers from miles away will be able to buy my once treasured “achievements” for pennies on the dollar.

Conversely I like to think of achievement as a legacy.  What can be taught, shared, or left behind, so that many years or generations from now it may still impact others?  This is a true measure of success and achievement.  Did I make those around me better?  Was I successful in leaving a legacy of: positivity, challenging others to be their best, and a winning mindset?  These are achievements and what I’ll work to strive toward.

I can’t promise you I’ll stop buying things or working toward a newer home or automobile.  What I won’t do is allow these purchases to be the measure of my achievement.  PS – if a Ferrari is in my future, I’m not going to get out of its way!

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ACTION ITEM:  Live your life for all the achievements.  Not only the ones associated with a price tag.

 

Compassion is NOT for the Weak

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One thing I absolutely, 100%, DO NOT want you to think is I’m only focused on immediate achievement and winning at any and all cost regardless of others thoughts and feelings.  This is not me and shouldn’t be you either.

I hope if you asked those close to me, one of the first things they would mention about me is compassion and genuine care for others.  This is not a mistake and takes a TON of effort.  It also means you can’t fake it.

I think this a foundational element of having and developing a Keen Mind.  Achieving and winning are good things.  Helping others achieve is a GREAT thing.  If you’re only operating for yourself, your own goals, and in your own mind I will promise you will not truly achieve what you could’ve if you took a moment to look around and help others achieve in the process.

Please don’t underestimate compassion for weakness.  Just because someone is kind, or has a big heart does not mean they’re weak.  It doesn’t have a single thing to do with their decision making or ability to lead others.  It means they’re a human being ready for a challenge and there’s never been a better time to be a great person than now.  Why do I say this?

Ten years ago you could only tell those near you about the wonderful people you met in the hopes that some day long down the road you’d serendipitously cross paths in an airport lounge.  Today you can connect with them nearly immediately via social networks.  Powerful tribes are being built right now because of the tools we have at our fingertips.  What a wonderful time we live in!

Compassion will get you further in your career or endeavor than almost any other attribute you’re working on today.  The reason is founded in the most basic of human principles.  People love to help and associate with those who show their true colors and they trust them.  Love is a powerful word.  Notice I didn’t say “like” to associate. Great things will be accomplished by focusing your Keen Mind on compassion and doing well for others just as you’re doing well for yourself.

ACTION ITEM: Instead of working on just you today find someone else to help.  Call, email, text, FaceTime, do something to help the lives of those you count on each and every day.  Your reward will be astonishing!