Tag Archives: story

The Story I Tell Myself Is…

Every day, I live out a story. All of us are. But what is important to understand is, how am I, or how are you, crafting the story? Because it has everything to do with how we see the world. Is life happening to me? Or is life happening FOR ME?!?

There is no better example of STORY, than one I read and repeat to others frequently. It’s from Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. This book is easily one of my top 5 favorites and I re-read it frequently. The power of story is illustrated something like this.

An alcoholic father, abuser and career criminal, welcomed two wonderful boys into the world nearly 14 months apart. They’re almost twins. This is important because they experience the same tumultuous, brutal upbringing. Fast-forward 30 years, and the oldest has fallen into his father’s footsteps. He’s a criminal, he can’t keep a job, and his relationships are a mess. He lived a life of resentment and constant search for reconciliation. When asked how he got here, he responded with, “Look at my Dad. What did you think would happen?” How could he have possibly ended up any different?

The younger brother, who experienced the EXACT same upbringing, found himself in a different place 30 years later. The regional manager of a national corporation, his life reflected stability. Happily married with kids, he was a good father and provider. His kids looked up to him and he lived a life of gratitude. When asked how he got here, the younger brother responded with, “Look at my Dad. What did you think would happen? I couldn’t possibly live the life we lived as kids!”

Same genetics. Same father. Two wildly different outcomes based on how they interpreted the story of their upbringing. STORY

I work at the AdTech company: Basis Technologies. One of the “benefits” we have at work is participating in groups sessions appropriately named “Conscious Leadership” founded in the principles of the book, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.

Fact vs. Story

You’re not here for a book report, so I’ll spare you. That said, an exercise we dive into frequently is the [Fact vs. Story] exercise. And I must admit, this exercise is really hard for me. I craft stories. I tell stories. I weave emotion into stories to emphasize the finer points. I’m more comfortable in story. When challenged with facts, I become Superman to Kryptonite.

Stoic Philosophy

A few years ago I picked up the book: The Daily Stoic. It’s a daily, one page read with 366 teachings (meditations) of stoic philosophy and it’s incredibly digestible. I’ve gifted it to many as I believe so deeply in the power of these teachings. I honestly believe it’s helped to rewire my mindset. Here is a quick YouTube video on how to apply Stoicism to daily life if you’re curious.

All of this thought on story, reminded me of this quote.

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.

Read that quote again. Think about facts of your life and how your life shapes your belief. I’ll give you real life examples from my life. Every statement begins with fact, but what follows is story.

  • I grew up in small town in Iowa, therefore, I have less understanding of other nationalities, religions and their beliefs
  • I grew up an athlete – therefore, I’m wired and thrive in competitiveness. I know how to win better than others
  • My parents have a blue collar work ethic – therefore, I understand the value of hard work
  • At 27, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis – therefore, I’ll never be truly healthy and have no control over the disease
  • I live on a golf course – because of that, I must make a great income or inherited some money
  • I’ve always been skinny – therefore, it’s impossible to put on weight and build muscle
  • My Dad grew up poor – therefore, he has a scarcity mindset with money
  • I’ve had business wins – therefore, I have a unique perspective on what it takes to be successful and others should buy in.
  • I go to church – therefore, I study and understand the teachings in the Bible and I’m comfortable in prayer

Think about people around you and the life they’re living because of the story they’re committed to!

Fact. [pause] Story

Some people set a word for the year to help guide their intentions. I can’t say I’ve ever done it, or if I will do it now. But if I absolutely had to choose a word today, I think this year I’d choose PAUSE.

I’m wired for action and progress. I love it. It fuels me. But every sword has two sides. When I move too quickly, when I act too fast, I’m prone to mistakes, or misunderstanding. When I make a mistake, or hit a bad shot in golf, I’m quick to try and rectify. What’s proven to be more successful is pausing, reassess the situation and go from there. The past is gone. But it doesn’t mean I’ve got to screw up the future. [Pause].

Pause when I get triggered or receive push back. Pause try and understand where the other person is coming at the problem from…instead of committing to being RIGHT! They too have a unique perspective being brought to the table (and likely also stories).

I try not to give advice too often because I don’t know how anyone is arriving at this content. I can only tell you what’s worked, and not worked for me. Picking up The Daily Stoic, and reading one page a day, every day, has helped me.

What Story Are You Committed To?

What story are you committed to telling yourself?

You know, the one about why you are exactly where you are today.  Maybe a better ask is understanding the question,”How did I end up here?”

  • Whose fault is that?
  • Who do you have to thank?
  • What stands, or stood in your way?

I’d like to tell you a story about a guy I know

He grew up in a pretty small town, fewer than 5,000 people. A place many would consider the “middle of no where.” As if that wasn’t enough, he grew up across the street from a prison with 1,500+ criminal offenders. Not exactly the place you think about for the “perfect childhood”or the playground across the street.

His parents worked very hard. His Mom commuted about 40 minutes each way to work for the government. Its a job she started early in her 20’s and one she would retire doing 35+ years later. Imagine 30+ years of that commute. Every day. No easy outs.

His Dad was a school teacher. Not exactly raking in the Benjamins and splashing 100’s on the table during vacations. That said, for the first 10-12 years of this child’s life his dad worked 5-6 days a week to supplement his family’s income in addition to his career as a teacher.  Doing the math, his Dad worked 70 hours a week or more.

As he grew up he was a good student, but never a genius. Maybe a bit of a daydreamer, and more than anything he loved doodling during class.

He went off to college and eventually into the real world of working, but not before interning for nine months. Nine months of working (for free) and didn’t earn one penny of income while in school. What a bad break to not make a single dollar.

He started working the day after college graduation making $24,000/yr. Doesn’t sound like much…

I wonder what ever happened to him…with a story like this?

Maybe you’d like another version?

I grew up in small town (Anamosa, IA) in the middle of no where, across the street from a prison (Anamosa State Penitentiary). It’s a really beautiful structure if you ever get the chance to see it. It resembles a castle, or you could swear it was used as the backdrop in Shawshank Redemption. My parents live there to this day and we have 24/7 surveillance and security. Even a couple snipers. Pretty tough to beat, unless you’re the president.

My parents worked so hard to give my sister and I the childhood we had. We were so rich with opportunity. Anything we wanted to try, they made available as a result of their hard work and dedication. I’m sure we heard no from time to time, but I don’t remember it.

My Dad worked those two jobs for all those years because he was unreasonable in the pursuit of giving my Mom, my sister and I a life we could make the most of. He sold the drywall business when we got to be a little older and when he hit 55, he retired as well. What a dream come true!

My Mom worked for 35+ years and is also retired. She earned every bit of it. If she wasn’t working, she was shuffling one of us two kids around somewhere, and I can’t ever remember her complaining about it for a second. Even when we were brats (maybe too often).

I was never the smartest guy in school, and I’m still not, but I continue to learn. Most importantly I’m learning to ask better questions. I also continue to sketch and doodle because that’s partially what I do for a career. I think it’s safe to say that part will never leave me.

I’m extremely thankful for my internship experience having worked those nine months for free because that experience got me my first real job and that first adult paycheck. That’s when things got real and I really started learning what business and selling was really about. Looking back, I made every penny back, and then some.

Long story long. My story isn’t worthy of a 10 minute local news piece, but that’s not the point. The point is all about mindset. I will always be a guy from a small town, and I’m also not afraid to walk the streets of Manhattan to compete for opportunity.

Are you without?  Is life happening to you?

Or, are you Grateful?

ACTION ITEM: Everyone is living out the story they’re committed to this very moment. Your story —->Your Life

What’s happening in your life today, is a direct result of mindset, and the story you’re committed to.

Change your story, change the outcomes!