Monthly Archives: January 2025

Whatever I am not Changing, I’m Choosing

I struggle with the idea of being actively in control of my current and future state, while also submitting to the fact I have no control at all of the future. But maybe that’s understanding the balance of the yin and the yang or the dichotomy of life? Not sure, but I do wrestle with it frequently.

What if both could be true? What if I was actively in control of day to day decisions and actions, but have little control over where life and the higher power will take me? I can choose to consume a smoothie or a cookie, but I can’t choose what happens when I step on a plane 10 years from now…or if I’ll even be there.

Choice

The title of this post suggests that the things we don’t do, the decisions we delay, and the habits we maintain are not passive choices, but active selections that shape our lives. Decision over destiny.  

If I step back and think really big picture of life-changing, society-altering change, what does this look like? How about Rosa Parks? What about those brave individuals who united to tear down the Berlin Wall? How about going super META and our Founding Fathers!! Could you imagine the world we live in today if these individuals didn’t choose to change?

I have little doubt the life I live today, is a compilation of the choices made last week, last year, and the last decade. I’d like to unpack what that means in finer detail across many disciplines in life

  • Career: In December 2016 I got to participate in the sale of a business in which I had minority ownership stake. But that’s only the last 10% of the story. I made a choice about four years earlier in my career that I needed to be closer to the outcomes my talents could produce. I made a choice to pursue paths that would grant this passage. The seeds of those decisions grew flowers. More specifically Roses. Because there were beautiful petals, but also thorns…which I’ll speak to below.
  • Diet (then): I made a LOT of bad lifestyle choices in my 20’s and I often wonder if the cocktail of: high stress, high ambition, frequent boozing and poor diet triggered my autoimmune response and diagnosis at 27 years old?? By not changing soon enough, did I choose my path?
  • Diet (now): Life looks a lot different than when I was single, living in Chicago 15 years ago…and that’s ok. My diet has taken a 180 and for the first time in what felt like F-O-R-E-V-E-R (Said like in Sandlot), I feel good consistently. My body composition also reflects these choices. A wonderful book that enlightened my understanding on the function and output of food is this: The Wahl’s Protocol. The further I get away from the “Standard American Diet” [S.A.D.] the better
  • Fitness: I think in 2019 and 2020 my level of fitness was…meh! At best, (C-) meh. But I wasn’t taking massive action to change it. Post COVID I committed to that change. Change occurred when our Peloton bike arrived and I jumped on. Early on I sucked, but I was sweating and moving. Looking back now, nearly 1,100 rides later I’m thrilled I decided to change the path I was choosing.
  • Brain Fuel: I make a choice every day to listen to something uplifting or motivating. Sometimes it’s a quick 10-minute YouTube hit in the morning, other times it’s a podcast in the afternoon. Today’s jargon calls this, “Hustle Porn” and I might be addicted to it…and I’m ok with that. Nonetheless, I consume this content daily. Some dismiss the value in motivation, because it’s usually quick-hitting…but fleeting. I get that, but I also disagree. I think about motivation like I think about showering. I need it every day, and sometimes twice a day. We are what we consume!
  • Mental Health: In 2020 and early 2021, I was choosing a life of stress, anxiety and strain. Generally speaking, I’d say I was “unwell” which isn’t a highly scientific term. But it is accurate! How did I get there? It was the culmination of many things. In early 2017 shortly after the sale of the business noted above, one of my partners was set to retire, and the other was suddenly divorcing his wife. Those who I relied on for stability, now only looked like chaos. My world went into a bit of a tailspin and I was filled with resentment I carried with me for the following years. Add a newborn daughter in 2019, COVID, and the world being generally mind-fucked, left me extremely anxious and maybe a little depressed. I found myself asking questions like, “Is this all there is?” Or, “is this what I signed up for?” And then I made a choice to surrender. I wasn’t getting out of these feelings or problems alone. I have to pause for a moment and let the reader know, this was EXTREMELY HARD for me. My ego almost couldn’t allow it. Was I that weak? Couldn’t I just step up and “be a man?” Did I really lack the mental fortitude to “Carry On” and figure it out? Yes I did! I’m so thankful I reached out to Better Help [Journey documented here]. Choice changed the direction of my life. I was coached through EMDR therapy, had many conversations on the pain I was carrying with me, and was able to get back to being myself after feeling lost for a few years.

What I wasn’t Changing, I was Choosing!

I shared a post a few weeks back, at the close of 2024 titled: Four Quotes I Live By. The Number One quote on this list is,

Be Active In Your Own Rescue

It’s my opinion too many lead a life of passivity or lack direction. It’s as if everything happens TO ME, instead of choosing to have life happen FOR ME. If I can provide any guidance, it would be to know what the NORTH STAR of your life’s journey looks like. Use Principles to guide decisions and choice instead of feeling the weight of the world in every decision. Move decision making rights to much larger principles.

Whatever I’m not changing, I’m choosing!

The Story I Tell Myself Is…

Every day, I live out a story. All of us are. But what is important to understand is, how am I, or how are you, crafting the story? Because it has everything to do with how we see the world. Is life happening to me? Or is life happening FOR ME?!?

There is no better example of STORY, than one I read and repeat to others frequently. It’s from Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. This book is easily one of my top 5 favorites and I re-read it frequently. The power of story is illustrated something like this.

An alcoholic father, abuser and career criminal, welcomed two wonderful boys into the world nearly 14 months apart. They’re almost twins. This is important because they experience the same tumultuous, brutal upbringing. Fast-forward 30 years, and the oldest has fallen into his father’s footsteps. He’s a criminal, he can’t keep a job, and his relationships are a mess. He lived a life of resentment and constant search for reconciliation. When asked how he got here, he responded with, “Look at my Dad. What did you think would happen?” How could he have possibly ended up any different?

The younger brother, who experienced the EXACT same upbringing, found himself in a different place 30 years later. The regional manager of a national corporation, his life reflected stability. Happily married with kids, he was a good father and provider. His kids looked up to him and he lived a life of gratitude. When asked how he got here, the younger brother responded with, “Look at my Dad. What did you think would happen? I couldn’t possibly live the life we lived as kids!”

Same genetics. Same father. Two wildly different outcomes based on how they interpreted the story of their upbringing. STORY

I work at the AdTech company: Basis Technologies. One of the “benefits” we have at work is participating in groups sessions appropriately named “Conscious Leadership” founded in the principles of the book, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.

Fact vs. Story

You’re not here for a book report, so I’ll spare you. That said, an exercise we dive into frequently is the [Fact vs. Story] exercise. And I must admit, this exercise is really hard for me. I craft stories. I tell stories. I weave emotion into stories to emphasize the finer points. I’m more comfortable in story. When challenged with facts, I become Superman to Kryptonite.

Stoic Philosophy

A few years ago I picked up the book: The Daily Stoic. It’s a daily, one page read with 366 teachings (meditations) of stoic philosophy and it’s incredibly digestible. I’ve gifted it to many as I believe so deeply in the power of these teachings. I honestly believe it’s helped to rewire my mindset. Here is a quick YouTube video on how to apply Stoicism to daily life if you’re curious.

All of this thought on story, reminded me of this quote.

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.

Read that quote again. Think about facts of your life and how your life shapes your belief. I’ll give you real life examples from my life. Every statement begins with fact, but what follows is story.

  • I grew up in small town in Iowa, therefore, I have less understanding of other nationalities, religions and their beliefs
  • I grew up an athlete – therefore, I’m wired and thrive in competitiveness. I know how to win better than others
  • My parents have a blue collar work ethic – therefore, I understand the value of hard work
  • At 27, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis – therefore, I’ll never be truly healthy and have no control over the disease
  • I live on a golf course – because of that, I must make a great income or inherited some money
  • I’ve always been skinny – therefore, it’s impossible to put on weight and build muscle
  • My Dad grew up poor – therefore, he has a scarcity mindset with money
  • I’ve had business wins – therefore, I have a unique perspective on what it takes to be successful and others should buy in.
  • I go to church – therefore, I study and understand the teachings in the Bible and I’m comfortable in prayer

Think about people around you and the life they’re living because of the story they’re committed to!

Fact. [pause] Story

Some people set a word for the year to help guide their intentions. I can’t say I’ve ever done it, or if I will do it now. But if I absolutely had to choose a word today, I think this year I’d choose PAUSE.

I’m wired for action and progress. I love it. It fuels me. But every sword has two sides. When I move too quickly, when I act too fast, I’m prone to mistakes, or misunderstanding. When I make a mistake, or hit a bad shot in golf, I’m quick to try and rectify. What’s proven to be more successful is pausing, reassess the situation and go from there. The past is gone. But it doesn’t mean I’ve got to screw up the future. [Pause].

Pause when I get triggered or receive push back. Pause try and understand where the other person is coming at the problem from…instead of committing to being RIGHT! They too have a unique perspective being brought to the table (and likely also stories).

I try not to give advice too often because I don’t know how anyone is arriving at this content. I can only tell you what’s worked, and not worked for me. Picking up The Daily Stoic, and reading one page a day, every day, has helped me.

Silent Killers: The Two Dangers Men Overlook

If something were killing you, would you stop?

It’s likely your brain immediately triggered thoughts like: smoking, alcohol, and drug abuse. Although these are undoubtedly killers, what I’m referring to is less obvious, and even more subtle. And yet it’s happening to men every day.

My current life journey has me in my early 40s. Given the average life expectancy for a male in the United States, I’m somewhere around the half way point in this earthly existence. This time period in life is usually an excellent trigger for a mid-life crisis…and I think I’m feeling one. But I’m coming to mine in a different way.

I’m not about to buy a convertible sports car, or a boat, or Motorcycle, get a tattoo, or get a second wife 20 years my junior. Our good friends at Forbes give us these 15 signs to look out for a Mid-Life Crisis. It’s a pretty good list and many make sense.

As I previously stated, I’m arriving at my crisis in a different mindset. Battling some health and anxiety challenges in my 30s and early 40s brought me to understand the two most valuable things anyone can have are: Health and Time.

What I’m discerning from my experience isn’t that I need a new adrenaline rush or dopamine hit from a lavish purchase. It’s a wake up call that I need to be prepared and able to live with vitality the next 42 years (Que Song: Tim McGraw, “My Next 30 Years“). Right now, is when the silent killers start taking shape…and it’s likely you don’t even know it!

Silent Killer One: Immobility

From the National Institute on Aging: Older adults who lose their mobility are less likely to remain living at home; have higher rates of disease, disability, hospitalization, and death; and have poorer quality of life.

Anyone signing up for that?

I’m fortunate enough to live in a community with many incredibly “active” retirees. I’m fortunate because every day I get to see many of them set a wonderful example of what it’s like to live with vitality into your 60s, 70s and 80s. They walk, swim, play pickle ball, ride bikes, exercise and golf four to five times a week (sometimes more). This group is an active tribe of travelers and their fire for continued exploration burns bright. They do these things because they have the energy and mobility to allow them to explore.

There is a really good chance if you’re in your 30s or 40s with kids, your Google calendar looks like a paint by number exercise. It’s jam packed with commitments, events, practices, pickups, play dates, and the list goes on. Oh yeah…you probably have a career too, so there goes 8am-5pm!

This does two things for a person. The first is the relentless schedule wears them down physically. The second is it wears you down mentally. Guess what happens next? In the pursuit of “convenience”, bad choices can easily be made because willpower is shot. More time is spent sitting, and diet choices can go by the wayside. The sedentary lifestyle begins to emerge and slowly, mobility is lost. Newton’s first law of motion states,

“An object at rest, stays at rest”

I came to the strong realization, if I can’t move, what life do I really have? Instead, I’m looking to embody the words of the Dylan Thomas Poem: Do Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

If this hits home for you, like it did me, my plea to you is to GET MOVING and do it now!. It’s better to wear out, than rust out

Second Silent Killer: Boredom

Say “Retirement” out loud. Feels blissful just saying it doesn’t it? Imagine, for a moment in time years from now. You’re in your 60s and healthy. You’ve retired from the need to work every day for income and you’re financially secure. The kids are out of the house and it’s quiet. Almost too quiet. The coming days, weeks and months’ commitments are few. Exhale.

Here’s the issue.

Now what?

I think about and frequently write about the journey toward early retirement. But now as that journey moves closer to reality year after year, I’m asking myself another question. What will I do with the time? I’m sure as hell not going to make sure the bird feeder is full and catch up on the latest crossword. BORING!!

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful

I imagine a machinist, or someone who spent nearly 40 years working on an assembly line, or laborer doing some sort of monotonous task. The sheer relief from NOT doing that every day has to be an ungodly relief. But the void of time must be filled. What will you do every day when your commitments were to an employer? What will you do that challenges you and keeps your mind fresh and vibrant?

I come at this from a different angle. I like what I do and it’s unlikely I ever stop doing some form of Marketing, Sales and Storytelling. Otherwise, I’ll be bored and BOREDOM is absolutely the enemy.

Here’s the real truth. Many don’t have to wait for boredom to hit in their sixties. It’s happening RIGHT NOW in the life they live. I speak confidently on this, as a friend I was having coffee with two days ago said the words out loud, “I’m bored with what I’m doing.” My response? You need to knock that shit off and find something to energize your efforts. Boredom is the enemy!

Couples are also experiencing the fallout of boredom. An early relationship driven by curiosity, passion, love and lust, changes when kids arrive and life becomes a hectic pursuit of events and milestones. Next thing you know, these same couples wake up 20-25 years later to an empty house wondering who the other person is that’s also there. Tell me you’ve seen these people. We all know them. They’ve been bored for years!

Boredom in your relationship is a KILLER!!!

Most men die at 25, but just aren’t buried until they’re 75 ~ Ben Franklin

The purpose of this post is to shine a light on a topic I think many men feel, but many overlook. I also hope to add fuel, or be the spark to the engine of change. Making changes NOW, in your 30s, 40s, or 50s has the ability to pay massive dividends in the decades to come. Decades of experiences await those who remain vigilant in maintaining their mobility and continue to pursue challenges and intellectual pursuits.

Do not go gentle into that good night!

Top 90%, Equals Half Done

The title almost seems counter intuitive, or some sort of Jedi mind trick, but it’s not.

I was listening to the Ed Mylett Show this morning working out and the topic was: Dream It, Live It, Write It. The first 10 minutes of the podcast Ed laid out the landscape of being a top 10% achiever, or said alternatively, being 90% better than the population at a given goal or discipline. This could be fitness, could be income, could be NET WORTH, or it could be intelligence. The Top 10% (the 90th percentile) is a worthwhile position. But Ed stated the following challenge, being in the top 10%, you’re only 50% of the way done…unless you’re done growing!

I rewound the podcast. I listened again.

Ed goes on to state a recipe of what’s necessary to find yourself in the top 10%. Show up. Have a good attitude. Commit with Consistency. Nothing world beating, but it does take focus and effort. But the change necessary to leap from the top 10% to the top 1%, that’s going to take much more. New Levels, New Devils.

I rewound the podcast, and I listened yet again. I started to question where I was. Am I after a top 10% life, or a top 1% life?

Lets look for some data points

The top 10% of income earners in the United States achieve an income of $167,639 annually. Depending on where you search, you can also find a different answer depending on age/location/etc. But for the sake of moving forward, the $167K is a good beacon. But what does the top 1% earn? USA Today says that number is $788,000. Therefore to move from the top 10% to the top 1%, a person must not just double their income, they must 5X it!!

What about fitness? The Mayo Clinic offers some standards for basic fitness here which is a good guide to starting. This is great intel in communicating fitness “standards”, but it doesn’t give me top 10% vs. top 1%. So the search continues. Even better, lets take a trip back to the President’s National Fitness Standards of 1985. “Participants must at least reach these levels in all 5 events in order to qualify for the Presidential Physical Fitness Award. These levels represent the 85th percentile based on the 1985 School
Population Fitness Survey.” Whatever happened to these anyway? Any correlations to these standards disappearing and our kids getting fatter than ever? Another argument for another day.

Sadly enough, the bad news continues. I heard this obesity statistic and couldn’t help but share (mostly out of rage). The United States is a HORRIBLE barometer. More than 2 in 5 adults (42.4%) have obesity. That’s disgusting. Just being in the top 1/2 in the US means you’re likely “not” obese. Congrats. End of Rant!! BMI can also be a good indicator, although not directly categorized by top 10% vs. top 1% here.

How about running?!? Mile times give us a little cleaner look in the top 50% vs. top 1% here from Medical News Today. Top 50% of males my age run a 9:54 mile. But the top 1% run a 7:00 mile. Not gospel, but again a good beacon to think about what it really takes to be top 1%.

The last stone I was looking to overturn was intelligence. It’s been a while (24 years) since taking the ACT, but a top 10% score is 29+, and a top 1% score is 35+ (36 perfect score). Isn’t that word perfect a trigger? It is sure as hell is for me!! I’m not trying to be perfect, nor do I think I can get there. I’m trying to maximize my best.

What will it take?

New Year’s Day, brings with it new year’s resolutions. I hate new year’s resolutions because they flat out don’t work. More often they’re a plea, and they don’t change behavior. Turning the page on the calendar to create “anew” version of oneself requires real change.

The first part about creating change is understanding and committing to a MASSIVE why behind the change we’re looking to make. Commit to the WHY, the how will present itself.

For me, I need to understand WHY I want to live a 1% life vs. a 10% life? More specifically, I’ve learned from Tony Robbins, I don’t just want a 1% life, I want how a 1% life makes me FEEL!

~Cheers to another year in pursuit!