Staying committed to eating well. It’s a grind, with temptation around every corner.
It could be parenting. It’s definitely a grind.
This hit me while watching the Netflix series Full Swing. The show follows PGA Tour golfers through the highs and lows of professional life—tournaments, travel, family, and all the moments in between.
At some point, almost every guy has said, “Man, being a pro golfer would be amazing!”
Would it?
After watching the show, I kept coming back to this idea: their dream job might just be a relentless, unforgiving grind.
Think about it:
Flying to 20+ cities a year for four-day tournaments.
Leaving home on Tuesday, practice round Wednesday, then four straight days of competition.
Living in hotels or rentals—not exactly a home base.
You only get paid if you play well. No cut? No check.
Golf isn’t just tee times. It’s hours of warm-ups, range work, putting drills, workouts, and recovery.
Sign autographs. Fulfill media duties. Then repeat next week.
And maybe most importantly—it’s time away. Away from family. From routine. From normalcy.
The deeper I thought, the more obvious it became: the “dream job” is absolutely a grind. And for guys who’ve been doing it for a decade or more, I can only imagine how heavy that gets. But then I thought about a different kind of athlete. The ones who don’t see the grind. They just live in the process.
Tom Brady. Peyton Manning. Kobe Bryant.
Hours upon hours watching film—not because they had to, but because they wanted to. Because in that film, they found opportunity. In the reps, they found rhythm. In the details, they found peace.
They didn’t resent the grind. They respected it.
So here’s the point. The grind doesn’t go away—no matter your role, title, or sport. But when you find appreciation in it, something changes. The work becomes a teacher. The process becomes the point. And the results? They show up. Not overnight. But over time.
Keep grinding. But more importantly—keep loving the reason you grind.
More achievement. More opportunity. More responsibility. More decisions.
And if you’re wired like me—a driven, achievement-minded husband and father—it’s easy to let that “more” become the default setting. You keep pushing. You stack the wins. You out-hustle the exhaustion. But somewhere in the mix, life starts to feel overbuilt. Heavy. Overcommitted.
I truly struggle with even the idea of sitting still and just being. Not thinking, strategizing, planning, or creating.
Enter a better idea: simplicity.
I love the concept of “less but better,” pulled from Greg McKeown’s book Essentialism. It’s an ALL-TIME favorite. It’s not about doing nothing. It’s not about slacking off. It’s about being ruthless with what truly matters. It’s a call to curate your life with intention, rather than letting it get cluttered by default. Said another way from Derek Sivers, “If it’s not a HELL YES…it’s a NO!”
This isn’t theoretical for me—it’s personal. I’ve got two kids who don’t care about my inbox. A wife who deserves presence, not just proximity. And a body and mind that don’t bounce back like they used to. So what does success look like now?
It looks simpler.
Fewer decisions. Fewer yeses. Fewer drains on energy.
More clarity. More space. More peace.
Here’s the hard part: simplicity is rarely the path of least resistance. It takes discipline. Saying “no” when your ego wants to say “yes.” Dropping “shoulds” that no longer serve you. Cutting good things to make room for great ones.
But here’s what I’ve learned—every “yes” is a trade. Every choice pulls on your time, your attention, and your energy. And in this season of life, I’m less interested in appearing busy and more committed to being deeply fulfilled.
I don’t want to live a life that looks full on the calendar and feels empty in the heart. All that said, I’m still a human being and I’m not a monk. I still want to drive a Ferrari, wear Jordans and buy a Rolex. I still want to take rad golf trips with my buddies and stay in swanky hotels. But I know what I want.
So I’m leaning in. Fewer things, done better. Less pressure, more presence. I’m continually asking two questions of myself.
Is this really important?
What is it, that you really want?
Simplifying not to do less work—but to do the right work, with the people who matter most.
You’ve got two options men: survive in the jungle or live in the zoo.
One is raw, real, and forces growth. The other is soft, safe, and built to sedate.
In your 30s, 40s, and 50s, life doesn’t get easier. It gets louder. If you don’t wake up and lead, it will eat you alive—or worse, lull you into comfort, boredom and mediocrity. Here’s a blueprint I’m using to thrive as a Dad, Husband, and Brother-in-Arms to other men during these transformative years.
1. Control the Device, or Risk It Controlling You
You know what’s harder than a 5AM workout? Putting the damn phone down.
Tech is a tool. It’s not a pacifier, a babysitter, or your therapist. Doom scrolling doesn’t make you more informed—it makes you more numb. If you’re always checking out, you’re never checking in—with your kids, your wife, or yourself. I know guilty of it! So what can be done?
Schedule phone-free hours at home.
Delete apps you don’t use with purpose.
Lead by example. Your kids are watching. So is your wife.
You can’t fight for your tribe with your head in a screen.
2. Win the Mornings, Own the Day
Your family needs your energy. So what do you give it to first—your habits or your hangups? The jungle doesn’t care if you’re tired. You either hunt, or you go hungry.
Get up early.
Move your body.
Read something that sharpens your edge (I prefer one-page-a-day learning guides)
Pray, journal, think—whatever it is, go inward before you go outward.
You don’t rise to the occasion. You fall to your level of preparation. Morning is your weapon.
3. Date Your Wife, Not Just the Calendar
You didn’t marry her to raise kids and pay bills together. You married her to chase, flirt, laugh, and build a life that feels like something worth living—not just surviving.
The zoo version of marriage is transactional. The jungle version is intentional and in pursuit.
Plan dates (real ones—not Costco and Target runs or kids sporting events)
Put effort into how you look, how you speak, how you pursue
Don’t wait for a “better season.” The season is now!!
If you’re not watering the relationship, you’re watching it dry up. I have work to do here, as it’s also listed on my [Monthly Scorecard] as “Date Nights”. The goal is only two per month, and all too often, I don’t check the box on one!
4. Your Kids Don’t Need a Coach—They Need a Dad
Youth sports. Schoolwork. Group chats. Travel teams. It’s easy to outsource presence for performance.
But children don’t need another critic on the sidelines. They need a safe harbor, a truth–teller, a steady rock showing up with consistency.
Let them fail. < – – – this is as hard to read as it is to say out loud.
Talk about real things vs. Outcomes (W/L) – effort, pain, growth, leadership and showing up in friendship
Teach them how to shake hands, hold eye contact, and speak clearly. In my observation, these skills are lost amongst our youth.
Being “busy” isn’t the badge. Being present is.
5. Build Brotherhood, or Die in Isolation
You weren’t made to do life alone. But too many men confuse independence with isolation.
The jungle isn’t just dangerous—it’s lonely if you go it solo. Lonely men can make bad (sometimes fatal) decisions. I’ve seen them and it pains me to even write this.
Find your crew. Not just drinking buddies—truth tellers.
Set the tone. Organize the breakfast. Start the group text. Lead a getaway. (Men, you all desperately need it)
Speak truth and expect it back. Support and build up your peers. They need you!
Iron sharpens iron. Comfort dulls the blade.
Final Thought
The jungle is hard, brutal, and relentless.
But it’s also where you grow teeth. Build muscle. Earn scars. Forge legacy.
The zoo? It’s easy. Safe. Predictable. But deep down, you know—you weren’t made for cages.
I’m here for you! Choose the jungle. Every damn day.
Ever since I was 22, and started a “real job” the day after I graduated college, I was thinking about RETIREMENT.
I knew the time value of money was Uber-important, and the sooner I got $$ invested, and the longer it had to grow, the better my chances got of being a MILLIONAIRE!!! After all, who doesn’t want to be a millionaire? Sounds nice, but this actually isn’t the goal. The idea of being a millionaire is more about living a millionaire lifestyle than a number.
I started my journey simply with a 401K and an employer match and I think even had a Roth IRA on the side I was contributing $50/mo. to. I had very little real money, and zero wealth, but I was committed to the “Pay Yourself First” lifestyle and I’ve never stopped this behavior.
As time passed, and contributions continued, the nest egg slowly grew. I wasn’t directly thinking about it in terms of counting every penny, but I paid close attention to increasing contributions as my income grew. The snowball was slowly gaining size and momentum.
In my late 20’s or early 30s I met Gary Vaynerchuk in Las Vegas at a conference and it literally changed my life. The internet was in full bloom and I knew instantly the next frontier for me and my career would involve something in the digital media space. I already loved the marketing space and this next frontier was exciting!! I met a group of very young, but enthusiastic entrepreneurs and they too changed my perspective and life when I introduced them to the agency I was working at. A few months later they sold their business and we were off building a new team. It was some of the most “work” fun I’ve had in my life and I’m forever grateful for this lesson.
It Pays to OWN
After that, I figured out I was on the WRONG side of the deal. It was 100% my idea. My business plan. My introduction…but none of my money. I was working for someone who didn’t see my contributions to the enterprise the same way I did. It’s not their fault, but if I believed in myself change was needed. With a good deal of blind ambition and a little bit of ego, I leapt into the next chapter of my life. I began owning things, and by things I mean pieces of a business, or real estate, or other assets.
I re-read Rich Dad, Poor Dad and began thinking more in terms of creating multiple sources of income and operating in the (B-business) and (I-Investor) quadrants. That’s also when I created the FREEDOM DATE of 2027 (45 years old). I think I was 32 or 33 at the time and thought about the starry-eyed idea of financial freedom in my 40s. Was it a big idea? HELL YES it was. It wasn’t like I was wealthy in my early 30s. But I was gaining momentum and it wasn’t out of the question. So therefore, it was possible and I started to think about reverse engineering how to do it.
Well intentioned. Dead Wrong.
I think about my freedom fund, and freedom date much differently today. Although I’m still clinging on to the 2027 date, as I have documented and shared it so many places, I’m not going [peace out] and ride off into the sunset. This is why I say, [Well Intentioned. Dead Wrong]. The behaviors were correct, but the outcome shifted. Retirement is NOT the goal.
If we really wanted to retire today, I could. I could retire today!
How? Sell the house, and a car and a bunch of our stuff. Move into a trailer with minimal expenses and that’s it. Boom! Missionaccomplished. < – – – – Doesn’t sound so great does it?
But if that’s the goal, why not do it?
This also would beg the question, “Now what?????”
Retirement by the end of 2027 isn’t the goal.
The goal is TIME affluence today!
Tim Ferriss talks about this extensively in his best-selling book, The Four Hour Workweek. Ferriss describes the “New Rich” (NR) as people who abandon the traditional “deferred-life plan” (work hard now to maybe enjoy life later) and instead design lifestyles that maximize freedom and fulfillment now.
The next chapter of my life and pursuit of time and location affluence looks like this. I’ll be working in a multitude of places and hopefully on a multitude of things. It could be at home. It could be the beach in Florida, the desert in Scottsdale, or a rented cabin on a lake in Northern Michigan for a week or two.
It looks like a couple golf trips a year and a couple great trips with my family to the mountains or to the beach. I’m thinking more and more about experiences and building a life story worth telling. All the while, staying fit and strong enough to attack life’s adventures with my kids (6 & 10). I don’t want to only exist to be their means of transportation…I want to be an active participant in their journey.
The lifestyle of working 40+ years in one place, and retiring in our 60s is nearly extinct. There is a newer and better path, if you choose to take it!
Traditional Path: School → Job → 40 Years → Retirement
New Rich Path: Skills → Leverage → Freedom → Now
Cheers to being in pursuit of the new rich lifestyle and living a life on your terms!
How did I go from: Puffy, Inflamed and Anxious to finding peace and reinventing my body? I’ll tell you, but first I must take a begrudging look back.
The Days are Long. The Years are Fast.
I spent a good deal of time looking at the image on the left and it reminds me of so many things…it actually makes me sad. This picture was taken on my birthday a few years ago at Dunkin Donuts with my two kids. A birthday is a day that should be “happy” and celebrated, but I can’t say that’s how I felt that morning. Holding both kids, I was also holding a great deal of anxiousness, guilt and burnout.
Still shy of 40, I was feeling the impacts of many things colliding. I felt stressed running a business that was going through the earliest days of COVID. But little did I know it was only going to become more tenuous. Layoffs loomed and I spent many late nights or early early mornings with my face in my hands, agonizing over a list of employees who would no longer be employed the following morning. I knew it would place stress on them or their family and there was no right answer…only a number to reduce to. These are long, lonely days and restless nights.
Generally Unwell
I was feeling the impacts of a young daughter and the stresses of raising another child, but this time in a much different time. I always felt great stress in their youngest of years. Reflecting back on when I was young and selfish, responsibility (even to one self) felt trivial. But when another human depends on you for their entire life, that’s responsibility! And it always stressed me out if I’m being honest.
I wasn’t eating well, I definitely wasn’t sleeping well, and I wasn’t exercising with any sort of consistency. I was “skinny fat” with a weak body and little discipline. My days started with heavy doses of caffeine and ended with a drink or more likely…drinkssss to escape the stress and “take the edge off!” Just reading this makes my body shake with regret. I was inflamed, easy to agitate, and grumpy (I wonder why??). I was pretty much the opposite of a joy to be around, but I tried my best to hide it with my usual prescription of a little charisma and some charm. Despite this charade, inside I was miserable. The only relief I found was cycling on and off steroids to tame my triggered auto immune disease.
At one point in this journey, I remember being down in my office, seeking surrender being alone. I likely was hoping to cry. Afterall, I thought it would be healthy or therapeutic. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t cry. I was holding on to everything so tight, I couldn’t let anything go…including tears. I was immune to relaxation and felt generally numb.
I was burned out. Happy Birthday right!?!?
So What Changed?
Everything.
Diet – I started getting hyper-focused on what I put into my body. I read The Wahl’s Protocol from Dr. Terry Wahls. She reversed her MS auto immune condition with a very specific diet and exercise protocol and documented her journey. I’m far from perfect with my consumption, but I do eat “mostly good” and keep a keen eye out for alcohol consumption. More vegetables. More quality meat. Less processed junk. I haven’t fully quit drinking, although I have considered it from time to time.
Fitness – In 2021 I purchased a Peloton and a pull up bar. I literally think this was a major lever to gaining momentum across all other aspects of my life because a decision was MADE. The previous version of me was dead. I’ll never forget getting on that bike the first few times. The shoes felt awkward. After only minutes, my lungs and veins were on fire. My heart was racing, which felt like the panic attack experienced earlier in the year. But looking back…it was the medicine I needed. I can also tell you “stress sweat” smells very different than every day sweat. With every ride completed, the cocktail of cortisol, anxiety, and general distress on the body came pouring out on to my basement floor.
Body – The combination of diet changes and fitness protocol these last few years helped reshape my body. Just look at the guy on the right (taken the fall of 2024) compared to the left. I’m about 8-10 lbs. heavier (in a good way). I did it by reshaping my body, and putting on muscle. My soft belly is gone and my shoulders are broader. I’ve done thousands of pull ups, push ups, cycled thousands of miles pursuing the daily discipline of staying in shape while continuing to push. Aside from general fitness and me being vain (yes I like to look good), I feel So-Much-Better! My body moves so much better. I sleep so much better.
Surrender – This may seem trivial, it may not, but I got back to the rhythm of going to church. I’m a deeply flawed person and every time I walk out of a service, I feel lighter and somewhat reborn. With every visit I ask for forgiveness for something and it allows me to reconnect to a higher power and bigger purpose. This has been a big part of the mosaic that is my healing journey. As I worked to transform my mind, (Mental) and body(Physical), I also dove into transforming my spirit (Spiritual).
Professional Help – I’ve written about my journey with Better Help. Along with exercise, this act was transformational. It was exactly what I needed to get out of my own head and into a path toward healing, forgiving, and not being so damned hard on myself. I’m incredibly grateful for the skilled professional who helped me through a tough spot. If you told me in my 20s I would consult therapy for a tough time I was going through, I would’ve LAUGHED and said some asshole condescending comment about “being weak minded” and seeking help. What a pussy! ~I didn’t think my ego would allow it, but here’s to growing up, swallowing pride and seeking help. This is hard for men…especially us ALPHAs. I get it.
Medication – I’m pleased to report as of the beginning of 2025, I got off my anxiety medication. It’s been a goal of mine for some time, and I’d gotten down to such a low dose that I was just doing it to do it. But a healthy body and mind doesn’t need an unnecessary crutch, so I cut it out headed into the new year.
Content – Every day of the year it’s quite likely I’ll read one of two books as mental conditioning. The first is, Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins < – – – – – I love this book!! I hope I never stop rereading the wisdom. The second is, The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. Priming my mind with teachings thousands of years old help me stay grounded and also growing.
Reinvention starts slowly (really slowly) and then happens all at once.
I know each of the modalities above can do miracles on their own. But, when paired together, their individual super powers have the potential to create exponential outcomes and generate tremendous momentum. Momentum is much easier to steer than start and momentum is an agent of change! I now feel like I’m coming into my birthday this year, with strong winds at my back!
I really try not to preach or give too much direction on this blog on [what you need to do is this…]. I can only know what I’ve been through, and share my journey and experiences through my lens. (If) it helps you…wonderful! If it gets you started on a new direction…I’m delighted. Maybe some day we can talk about it.
Reinvention is possible and it can start today with a decision. That’s where it started with me a few years ago on the Ides of March. Although the decision had to start with me, I’m incredibly grateful for a supportive wife and incredible friends who’ve been with me every step of the way!
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get swept along without pausing to reflect. Yet, the questions we ask ourselves can profoundly shape our experiences and outcomes. As Tony Robbins aptly notes in Awaken the Giant Within, “Remember, your brain, like the genie, will give you whatever you ask of it. So be careful what you ask for; whatever you look for…you will find.”
Consider integrating these three pivotal questions into your daily routine:
How is this serving me?
This question encourages introspection about the activities and habits that fill my day. Are they aligned with my well-being and aspirations? By evaluating the true impact of my choices, I can identify and eliminate behaviors that hinder progress. I catch myself asking this when I mindlessly pickup my phone and look for…what?!?! Am I looking to be distracted? From what? I’m not perfect and still do it dozens of times throughout the day. But I am trying to be more mindful of why it is stealing my attention.
What can I do about it?
Life presents challenges, but dwelling on problems without seeking solutions leads to stagnation. By asking this question, you shift from a passive to an active mindset, focusing on actionable steps to overcome obstacles. This empowers you to take control and fosters resilience. Control the controllable. Not what happens, but what you do about what happens.
Do my actions support my goals?
I’m on a daily mission to be: healthy, wealthy and strong. Consistency between daily actions and long-term objectives is crucial for success. Regularly assessing this alignment ensures that I’m not inadvertently sabotaging my ambitions. It promotes intentional living, where each step I take brings me closer to my desired destination. Progress > Perfection!
Questions Hold the Power
The questions we pose to ourselves act as guiding lights, illuminating the path to personal growth and fulfillment. By thoughtfully selecting and reflecting on these questions, we harness the power to shape our reality and steer our lives toward our true goals.
Embrace the practice of mindful questioning, and watch as it transforms your perspective and propels you toward a more intentional and rewarding life.
Incentives are everywhere. They’re all around us. You’ll have a better chance at navigating life, if you can better understand the incentives in play and learn to play the game on your terms.
I hope to challenge your thinking here, open your aperture and see the world through a new lens.
Who Loves Taxes?
The Author and CPA Tom Wheelwright says, “the tax code is a list of incentives the government wants entrepreneurs and investors to use.” That was certainly an eye-opening way for me to look at taxes. Let’s go deeper.
We’ll never forget this 2016 Presidential Debate moment when Hilary Clinton thought she’d staple Donald Trump against the wall for stating, “He doesn’t pay taxes!” And what was Donald’s response? “Because I’m smart!”
Now regardless of how you feel about either of them, what people need to understand is Donald (love him or hate him) understands tax incentives. What do these incentives look like? The government rewards entrepreneurs or developers, for building housing, or creating jobs. It’s in the IRS tax code. Curious how this works?
Lets say you build a property for $10,000,000. Relatively a small number, but in doing so there is depreciation expense the owner of that property gets to write off for the next 27.5 years against the income. So if the owner depreciates the property $363,000 per year, any income they generate up to but not excluding $363,000 isn’t taxable. If you want to get mad, get mad at Congress. It’s the law and it’s legal. That’s why the wealthy love real estate. They can generate income, and not pay taxes. Legally.
Ask Robert Kiyosaki the author of the hit Rich Dad Poor Dad how he feels about taxes. He sees them as a game. What draws developers to “Opportunity Zones” in developing real estate? Tax incentives. Who better to understand this than those who write the code? The IRS! Incentives are everywhere.
Lets Look at Employment
There is a good chance if you have a job, your employment contract contains expectations for your role. Those expectations contain incentives. So what’s the incentive? A paycheck. And if you’re in sales or a revenue role, there very likely is a variable incentive or “commission” you can obtain. Why? The business will reward you for the behavior they’re looking for(higher top line revenues). If your compensation has recently been changed, it’s because the business is looking to change behavior and reward different outcomes. Pay close attention to these changes and take advantage.
I’m an avid listener of the FOUNDERS podcast (Learn from history’s greatest entrepreneurs. Every week the host reads a biography of an entrepreneur and find ideas you can use in your work). What’s one consistent theme of the greatest entrepreneurs across hundreds of episodes? They all have a knack or deeply understand the power of incentives to drive the behaviors needed in their business.
How about Healthcare?
I can’t even call it health care with a straight face. It’s SICK-Care, and it’s not well done. Why do we need to understand these incentives? Because in my opinion, the incentive isn’t for a doctor to make you well, or have a holistic view of your health. Their job is to write prescriptions and move you along. Why is it the average doctor visit is only minutes long? Because their incentive is to see MORE patients. Not cure you and all those waiting. Really think about this. It’s worse as you go down the specialty medicine path as they only focus on their trained discipline. Getting a new prescription? This happened to me a little over a year ago, and I asked my GI doctor outright, “are you incentivized to get me on this medication?” That got awkward. But the question remained, “is this about me, and my health…or your incentive?!?!”
Insurance Costs
Insurance companies are becoming more interested in the overall/general health of its customers. But they want to know the numbers. So much so, that if you submit annual blood work, and physical, they’ll reduce your annual rate by upwards of 30%! Seems to be a pretty solid incentive.
Why are they doing this? They’re dangling the incentive of cost savings to you, because it will likely drop their liability ten fold by having a better view of those they’re insuring. I’m fine with it either way, just understand the incentive.
Does the NBA Know Incentives?
They sure as hell do, and it just cost Luka Doncic $100,000,000 (yes, one hundred MILLION) by getting traded to the Los Angles Lakers!! Why? Because the NBA incentivizes players to stay in the city they were drafted in, by rewarding them with larger “Super Max” contracts. Otherwise, all the stars would end up in: LA, Boston, Miami, etc. and leave the small market: Oklahoma City, Milwaukee, Memphis, Sacramento, and so on. So instead of signing a 5-year, $350M contract this summer in Dallas where he was drafted, he’ll have to settle for a 5-year, $250M contract in LA. Not sure how he’ll afford the eggs…
Keep Your Eyes Open for Incentives
Everyone around you is trying to get something done. Don’t be naive. If you can look around the corner, you can better understand the behavior they’re looking for. The next step is choosing if, or how you’d like to participate.
We don’t have a knowing problem. We have a Doing…DO THE WORK problem! And as a society, it’s killing us!
The hyper-connected world we live in provides unique access to learn nearly anything imaginable. So what’s stopping everyone from being: healthy, wealthy and strong? Or at least, not obese, not in debt up to our eyeballs, and not weak?
Diet – I believe we all understand the concept that eating McDonalds or KFC every day isn’t healthy. It’s garbage. Would it surprise you that as a nation, we’re fatter, and unhealthier than we’ve ever been? In 2021, 38% (97 million Americans age 18 or older) were pre diabetic. That’s so sad!
Health – How much would it cost to get in shape? I’d argue if you have a smartphone and therefore, access to the internet, there are thousands, probably millions of workouts available on YouTube. If you’re just getting started, or looked to get shredded, there is something for everyone. There are literally plans to go from the couch to a marathon in one year!! Knowing problem, or doing problem?
Wealth – Less than 1 in 4 Americans have more than $1,000 in a savings account. Yet, the knowledge path to creating financial independence is quite simple. Spend less than you earn. Not sexy, but simple. Simultaneously, as 1 in 4 has less than $1,000, the US has $1.166 TRILLION in Credit Card debt. One Trillion is 10, one-hundred billion dollars. We’re going the wrong way.
So what gives?
It’s my belief as a society we’ve gotten weak and undisciplined and it’s also my belief that this is making us unhealthy. How do I know? I know this as I lived it in my twenties! The decade was filled with late nights, continuously poor diet choices, and persistent stress from work with little to no fitness regimen. What happened? The story I tell myself is that this destruction of my body led to my autoimmune disease taking hold of my body…begging me to slow down and take inventory.
Was I short on knowledge or were these issues behavioral? I knew what I was doing, I simply had no discipline.
To further this issue. I also believe the advancement in technology and medicine created the space to “Solve” an ailment with a pill. When offered the choice: hard work & behavior change, or a pill…the pill is winning in a land slide. (market capitalization of Ozempic is: $600 Billion.
Luckily, I have knowledge to lean on to change behavior. There are age old lifestyle principles to live by:
Get sunlight and movement every day
Make REAL connections with other real human beings
When possible stress your body with exercise. A good sweat is a good indicator.
Eat nuts, fish, meat, and vegetables. The closer you can get from farm to table, the better.
Limit Debt and invest for long term asset growth. Einstein said, “compound interest is the 8th wonder of the world!” Embrace it.
This ancient cocktail produces a life free of self-induced stress on the body. That same body will produce the energy needed to live a wildly successful life.
What You’re Not Changing, You’re Choosing
Here’s the rub. As a society, many would rather have credit card debt, and a designer handbag than go through the discipline of saving for the time it would take to make the purchase. How do I know? Nearly 50% of Americans have used [buy now, pay later] installment purchases for regular consumer purchases like a pair of jeans. All this does is kick the can down the road, and this unquestionably adds undue stress. This is the piece I think many are missing. Bad diet, stresses the body. Poor finances and loads of debt, stresses the body. Immobility and lack of movement, leaves the body weak. All of these limit vitality AND weaken the mind to succumb to poor choices. The story repeats itself until society is immobile, overweight and heavily medicated on a cocktail of: diabetes, heart, anti-inflammatory and diet medications. It’s disgusting.
It’s Going to SUCK. So Embrace it. Choose your Suck!
Life has taught me, starting anything new is likely going to: look weird, suck, hurt, feel awkward. Then you do it a second time and it sucks less. But the question I think we’ve got to be asking ourselves is how can we better choose our suck? Would you rather it: Suck Now or Suck Later?
Would you rather choose to suck it up, ditch most sugar/processed food and eat “mostly healthy” for six out of seven days and week? All while sucking it up to sweat 4-5 days a week? Trade a little discipline for a long life of vitality?
Or would you rather choose the easy path (Suck Later). Eat fast and cheap garbage, mixed with a life of limited movement. Know you’re choosing an alternative suck down the road of: Diabetes, heart disease, a wheel chair and wheezing while on oxygen in your 60s!! Sign me up!
Excuses make today easy, but makes tomorrow hard.
Discipline makes today hard, but makes tomorrow easy.
We don’t have a knowledge problem. We have a doing problem. Share and get to work. Today!
I struggle with the idea of being actively in control of my current and future state, while also submitting to the fact I have no control at all of the future. But maybe that’s understanding the balance of the yin and the yang or the dichotomy of life? Not sure, but I do wrestle with it frequently.
What if both could be true? What if I was actively in control of day to day decisions and actions, but have little control over where life and the higher power will take me? I can choose to consume a smoothie or a cookie, but I can’t choose what happens when I step on a plane 10 years from now…or if I’ll even be there.
Choice
The title of this post suggests that the things we don’t do, the decisions we delay, and the habits we maintain are not passive choices, but active selections that shape our lives. Decision over destiny.
If I step back and think really big picture of life-changing, society-altering change, what does this look like? How about Rosa Parks? What about those brave individuals who united to tear down the Berlin Wall? How about going super META and our Founding Fathers!! Could you imagine the world we live in today if these individuals didn’t choose to change?
I have little doubt the life I live today, is a compilation of the choices made last week, last year, and the last decade. I’d like to unpack what that means in finer detail across many disciplines in life
Career: In December 2016 I got to participate in the sale of a business in which I had minority ownership stake. But that’s only the last 10% of the story. I made a choice about four years earlier in my career that I needed to be closer to the outcomes my talents could produce. I made a choice to pursue paths that would grant this passage. The seeds of those decisions grew flowers. More specifically Roses. Because there were beautiful petals, but also thorns…which I’ll speak to below.
Diet (then): I made a LOT of bad lifestyle choices in my 20’s and I often wonder if the cocktail of: high stress, high ambition, frequent boozing and poor diet triggered my autoimmune response and diagnosis at 27 years old?? By not changing soon enough, did I choose my path?
Diet (now): Life looks a lot different than when I was single, living in Chicago 15 years ago…and that’s ok. My diet has taken a 180 and for the first time in what felt like F-O-R-E-V-E-R (Said like in Sandlot), I feel good consistently. My body composition also reflects these choices. A wonderful book that enlightened my understanding on the function and output of food is this: The Wahl’s Protocol. The further I get away from the “Standard American Diet” [S.A.D.] the better
Fitness: I think in 2019 and 2020 my level of fitness was…meh! At best, (C-) meh. But I wasn’t taking massive action to change it. Post COVID I committed to that change. Change occurred when our Peloton bike arrived and I jumped on. Early on I sucked, but I was sweating and moving. Looking back now, nearly 1,100 rides later I’m thrilled I decided to change the path I was choosing.
Brain Fuel: I make a choice every day to listen to something uplifting or motivating. Sometimes it’s a quick 10-minute YouTube hit in the morning, other times it’s a podcast in the afternoon. Today’s jargon calls this, “Hustle Porn” and I might be addicted to it…and I’m ok with that. Nonetheless, I consume this content daily. Some dismiss the value in motivation, because it’s usually quick-hitting…but fleeting. I get that, but I also disagree. I think about motivation like I think about showering. I need it every day, and sometimes twice a day. We are what we consume!
Mental Health: In 2020 and early 2021, I was choosing a life of stress, anxiety and strain. Generally speaking, I’d say I was “unwell” which isn’t a highly scientific term. But it is accurate! How did I get there? It was the culmination of many things. In early 2017 shortly after the sale of the business noted above, one of my partners was set to retire, and the other was suddenly divorcing his wife. Those who I relied on for stability, now only looked like chaos. My world went into a bit of a tailspin and I was filled with resentment I carried with me for the following years. Add a newborn daughter in 2019, COVID, and the world being generally mind-fucked, left me extremely anxious and maybe a little depressed. I found myself asking questions like, “Is this all there is?” Or, “is this what I signed up for?” And then I made a choice to surrender. I wasn’t getting out of these feelings or problems alone. I have to pause for a moment and let the reader know, this was EXTREMELY HARD for me. My ego almost couldn’t allow it. Was I that weak? Couldn’t I just step up and “be a man?” Did I really lack the mental fortitude to “Carry On” and figure it out? Yes I did! I’m so thankful I reached out to Better Help [Journey documented here]. Choice changed the direction of my life. I was coached through EMDR therapy, had many conversations on the pain I was carrying with me, and was able to get back to being myself after feeling lost for a few years.
What I wasn’t Changing, I was Choosing!
I shared a post a few weeks back, at the close of 2024 titled: Four Quotes I Live By. The Number One quote on this list is,
Be Active In Your Own Rescue
It’s my opinion too many lead a life of passivity or lack direction. It’s as if everything happens TO ME, instead of choosing to have life happen FOR ME. If I can provide any guidance, it would be to know what the NORTH STAR of your life’s journey looks like. Use Principles to guide decisions and choice instead of feeling the weight of the world in every decision. Move decision making rights to much larger principles.
Every day, I live out a story. All of us are. But what is important to understand is, how am I, or how are you, crafting the story? Because it has everything to do with how we see the world. Is life happening to me? Or is life happening FOR ME?!?
There is no better example of STORY, than one I read and repeat to others frequently. It’s from Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins. This book is easily one of my top 5 favorites and I re-read it frequently. The power of story is illustrated something like this.
An alcoholic father, abuser and career criminal, welcomed two wonderful boys into the world nearly 14 months apart. They’re almost twins. This is important because they experience the same tumultuous, brutal upbringing. Fast-forward 30 years, and the oldest has fallen into his father’s footsteps. He’s a criminal, he can’t keep a job, and his relationships are a mess. He lived a life of resentment and constant search for reconciliation. When asked how he got here, he responded with, “Look at my Dad. What did you think would happen?” How could he have possibly ended up any different?
The younger brother, who experienced the EXACT same upbringing, found himself in a different place 30 years later. The regional manager of a national corporation, his life reflected stability. Happily married with kids, he was a good father and provider. His kids looked up to him and he lived a life of gratitude. When asked how he got here, the younger brother responded with, “Look at my Dad. What did you think would happen? I couldn’t possibly live the life we lived as kids!”
Same genetics. Same father. Two wildly different outcomes based on how they interpreted the story of their upbringing. STORY
I work at the AdTech company: Basis Technologies. One of the “benefits” we have at work is participating in groups sessions appropriately named “Conscious Leadership” founded in the principles of the book, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.
Fact vs. Story
You’re not here for a book report, so I’ll spare you. That said, an exercise we dive into frequently is the [Fact vs. Story] exercise. And I must admit, this exercise is really hard for me. I craft stories. I tell stories. I weave emotion into stories to emphasize the finer points. I’m more comfortable in story. When challenged with facts, I become Superman to Kryptonite.
Stoic Philosophy
A few years ago I picked up the book: The Daily Stoic. It’s a daily, one page read with 366 teachings (meditations) of stoic philosophy and it’s incredibly digestible. I’ve gifted it to many as I believe so deeply in the power of these teachings. I honestly believe it’s helped to rewire my mindset. Here is a quick YouTube video on how to apply Stoicism to daily life if you’re curious.
All of this thought on story, reminded me of this quote.
We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.
Read that quote again. Think about facts of your life and how your life shapes your belief. I’ll give you real life examples from my life. Every statement begins with fact, but what follows is story.
I grew up in small town in Iowa, therefore, I have less understanding of other nationalities, religions and their beliefs
I grew up an athlete – therefore, I’m wired and thrive in competitiveness. I know how to win better than others
My parents have a blue collar work ethic – therefore, I understand the value of hard work
At 27, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis – therefore, I’ll never be truly healthy and have no control over the disease
I live on a golf course – because of that, I must make a great income or inherited some money
I’ve always been skinny – therefore, it’s impossible to put on weight and build muscle
My Dad grew up poor – therefore, he has a scarcity mindset with money
I’ve had business wins – therefore, I have a unique perspective on what it takes to be successful and others should buy in.
I go to church – therefore, I study and understand the teachings in the Bible and I’m comfortable in prayer
Think about people around you and the life they’re living because of the story they’re committed to!
Fact. [pause] Story
Some people set a word for the year to help guide their intentions. I can’t say I’ve ever done it, or if I will do it now. But if I absolutely had to choose a word today, I think this year I’d choose PAUSE.
I’m wired for action and progress. I love it. It fuels me. But every sword has two sides. When I move too quickly, when I act too fast, I’m prone to mistakes, or misunderstanding. When I make a mistake, or hit a bad shot in golf, I’m quick to try and rectify. What’s proven to be more successful is pausing, reassess the situation and go from there. The past is gone. But it doesn’t mean I’ve got to screw up the future. [Pause].
Pause when I get triggered or receive push back. Pause try and understand where the other person is coming at the problem from…instead of committing to being RIGHT! They too have a unique perspective being brought to the table (and likely also stories).
I try not to give advice too often because I don’t know how anyone is arriving at this content. I can only tell you what’s worked, and not worked for me. Picking up The Daily Stoic, and reading one page a day, every day, has helped me.
