Tag Archives: Rich Roll

The betterhelp Response – Overwhelming

The outpouring of responses from my latest post was intense in the best of ways. I had a very strong suspicion there were many others out there like me, experiencing the same [bottled up] feelings I had two years ago. What I didn’t know, is I’d hear from so many of you in droves. You are brave for reaching out and trusting in me to have the conversation!

THANK YOU!

In case you missed it, this is the post which sparked overwhelming response: My Journey with betterhelp.

I received this message from a friend I haven’t heard from in some time. I was instantly moved and felt connected. Here is a selection,

“Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either.”

I received DOZENS of messages like these

Lets be honest. I don’t have the reach of internet sensations: Tim Ferriss, or Rich Roll, or Brene Brown. I figured I’d receive a text and email or two from the post (because I almost always do), but the responses came pouring in and they came in almost immediately. In my nearly 10 years of blogging and sharing my perspective, I’ve NEVER gotten the feedback like I did here. Nor have I felt the instant gratitude to start conversations with people I connected with throughout my life.

I decided to anonymize those who sent feedback to show you what I already believed to be true. Many men are walking a similar journey and had similar stigma around getting help. Some have a history of struggle. Some are in it right now. But all have found a way to seek guidance or hear another voice…besides the voice in their head. If you reached out to me, here is a snippet of what your peers had to say! They appreciate you without even knowing it!

A Friend, an athlete, a great Dad

I read your post regarding therapy. I commend you for doing that, it’s not an easy thing to do much less post about it on your social media. I have been on again/ off again with therapy/ meds for anxiety and depression. A lot of the causes resonated with me because those are some of the same things that reared their ugly head when I was going through it/ still going through it. Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either. I am glad you got out of therapy what you did and are on the other side of it. I am still working through it, but therapy has helped.

A friend, a peer, a great Dad

Good post brother! I’ve met with Aaron Kampman quarterly for the last several years. https://www.thealignprocess.com/aaron-kampman From a mental health standpoint, it is freeing. For me, weight lifts off my shoulders after each session.

A Business Peer

Loved your post Zac. Thank you for your honesty and the courage to put yourself out there for others who may be feeling similarly or the same. I think many of us were/are in a similar boat, but as men, we typically are the last ones to seek out self-care, especially when we have others to care for who come first (wife/partner, child, parents, etc.) I know that’s the challenge I struggle with daily.

A friend, and a rebuilding story

Great post tonight! It hit home for me. It took going through a divorce, therapy, and a lot of self-reflection to get me back to my true self. The toughen up and push through it mentally doesn’t work, and it really just fuels anxiety to the point of changing who you really are. Being vulnerable is where it is at! Thanks for sharing!

A successful business associate, peer and Dad

I’m reaching out because I wanted to let you know that I saw your post about your journey with betterhelp, and I wanted to say THANK YOU for posting that! I’ve been struggling with certain things as well, predominantly professionally, and that post caught me at the exact right time!

A friend, business associate, and great Dad

Love the blog. Thanks for sharing. One of my favorite quotes…Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought. ~James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

As I was sweating through a Peloton ride this morning, my session ended with Emma Lovewell saying this,

When we show up for ourselves, we have the ability to show up as our best-self for others around us

Earn Your Comfort

I used to think the goal of life was to seek or retire into comfort. Some would do this at 45, others maybe 75…but retire nonetheless. Comfortable. In the meantime during the pursuit, I’d take some time out of every week to be…comfortable.

I’m now convinced this couldn’t be further from the truth.
The goal of life is continued progress. Working through hard things, for the benefit of personal growth and progress.

Someday when I do retire, I want to arrive there knowing it was EARNED.

“We must all either wear out or rust out, every one of us. My choice is to wear out.” — Theodore Roosevelt

Unearned or continued comfort is called laziness. Reminds me of the Seven Deadly Sins and the sin of Sloth.
But sloth isn’t only laziness, it is also carelessness, unwillingness to act, half-hearted effort, or becoming easily discouraged by possible difficulty.

When Everything is Satisfaction

Too much of a good thing, connects my thoughts to the often used analogy of the “rich kid, with a cocaine habit!” Everything given to him, such that he works for nothing, appreciates nothing, is motivated by nothing because there was no struggle to achieve what was gifted (in this instance, money and time). Instead of work and progress toward a goal, he focuses his efforts and energy on a substance that gives him that lonely “high” he’s searching for. That comfort and release he’s been so desperately looking for. When everything is satisfaction and easy, satisfaction is unearned and empty.

Friday Feels

There is something really wonderful about a Friday evening after you’ve made the most of a week kicking ass Monday through Friday. Earning the opportunity to have a great dinner, or a cocktail, or simply to put your feet up, feels infinitely better when reflecting on progress of a week vs. just moving through the motions.

Challenge Comfort with Progress

Tony Robbins says, “Progress equals Happiness!” This is exactly what I think “earning comfort” looks like. Progress, reward. Progress, reward. Progress, reward. Say it out loud. It FEELS DAMN GOOD! It feels like momentum. This is exactly why successful people continue to be successful oftentimes in greater magnitudes. They’ve generated tremendous momentum and they literally can’t be stopped. Successful people generate too much momentum and have reservoirs of progress to tap into when they hit a lull.

Rich Roll Said it Best

I shared this in my last post, and I think it’s worth sharing here again. Rich Roll on happiness.

Rich Roll says the following: “We’re in a culture that is driving everybody toward this idea that happiness is purchased through luxury, comfort and ease. And the truth could not be more different from that reality. If you want to find peace with yourself, self understanding, self knowledge, self esteem, all of these things are going to be found through: sacrifice, getting uncomfortable, re-evaulating what your normal is and putting yourself in situations you don’t want to f*cking do” “RICH ROLL PODCAST – EPISODE 413”


The Answer in Children’s Eyes

I’ll leave you with this. My son is currently learning how to read real books and it’s an exciting engagement every night we dive into a book (< – – – insert challenge). We work with him every week on learning new words from school, but this isn’t about learning “level 3 words” as much as it is about feels to me. The reaction a child produces when they learn something new is astounding. You can literally see the spark in their eyes, and their physiology changes in an instant due to the challenge just conquered. The world is theirs for a moment! More importantly, momentum is earned and stored to tackle the next phase of learning and the next challenge.

We’re all evolved children. You need that spark. I need that spark. We must combat boredom with progress and earn our comfort.

Starting Over. Week 1. Day 1.

I despise starting over. But beginning Feb. 26, 2021…that’s exactly where I was.

I spent that cold Iowa Friday night with some friends on the golf simulator at our golf course. A few too many beers and a few months of COVID (family, business, life) stress led me to making a decision I knew I’d regret as I’d spent years staying clear of it.

I’d chew tobacco again. But it wasn’t really that I’d chew again that specific night, it was more that I’d been doing a lesser version of this same habit (Camel Snus) for a few months in 2020 and most importantly – – – – > hiding it from my wife. But this night it was the real stuff and it was placed directly against my gums…and it tasted G-R-E-A-T. It was sending ALL the signals to my brain I knew I’d have to fight on my hands…tomorrow.

The next day I was filled with a poor night of sleep and a titanic-sized boat load of shame with my family. I was starting over and I knew what the addiction battle that lie ahead looked like and that I needed to rebuild my body and health.

The prognosis was simple: two weeks of hell followed by bits of progress and commitment. But the good news is I’d done it before, and that was the silver lining.

Let me rewind.

I quit chewing in 2011. I know this because I kept a diary my first 100 days of quitting. Sept 12th was my first “Days Upon Days” email to myself (I’ve shared these with no one). I’d slipped up two days prior to writing this message. I was watching the Iowa vs. Iowa State game in 2011. It was a 44-41 overtime thriller and one of the last times in a decade Iowa State would beat Iowa (sorry, couldn’t resist Cyclone fans). I was six days into my quit and I’d given in. I was at my friend’s parents house (Kalli you’ll remember).
Here’s proof of my first email to myself.

The following week would present the same challenge as the week before. Tailgating. Make it past seven days. Eventually I did, and continued to write about my journey the whole way, past day 100 and beyond. If I’m ever deep in a challenge, I relate back to these messages to understand what I’m capable of taking on, and what real perseverance looks and feels like. It starts as pain, and ends in progress.

At this moment in my own personal reflection, I’m quite certain you’re asking yourself, “Why is he telling me this?” “What is it about this story that needs to be shared now?”

I’m sharing because I’m staring to embrace the concept of starting over and energy of the rebuild. I’m making a game out of it.

Life isn’t a straight line and people make mistakes. God knows I’ve made my fair share and I’m sure I’ve got more waiting for me.

Most importantly, I know people this very moment struggling and battling with a variety of similar challenges and they’re all MEN I respect. I’m talking with some men daily and others weekly as they work to make progress in their journey. They’re all in different phases of the rebuild and “starting over” from any one or two of the things listed below:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Alcoholism
  • Stress from Business Collapse
  • Addiction
  • Marital Issue
  • Combo order of elements above (add two, shake and scream)

I’m sharing this for my friends, colleagues and peers to know they’re not alone. Everyone is dealing with some shit. The rebuild isn’t humiliating. It’s an empowering challenge. And although it may suck now, it doesn’t have to suck forever. There is a way through and it’s actually incredibly mobilizing with momentum.

Dealing with stress, or anxiety, or addiction doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human. Everybody’s got something.
How do I know? Listen to this podcast with olympian Michael Phelps (23 gold medals) talking through his struggles. Tim Ferriss Show Episode 494. Michael Phelps now famously stated, “It’s OK, to not be OK!”

I love that. It’s OK, to not be OK!

If you’d like more mental resources, here is another I recently feel in love with from Rich Roll and David Goggins. Start your watch at 1:46:38 when Rich says, “Then it becomes about Willingness…”

Lastly, Rich says the following: “We’re in a culture that is driving everybody toward this idea that happiness is purchased through luxury, comfort and ease. And the truth could not be more different from that reality. If you want to find peace with yourself, self understanding, self knowledge, self esteem, all of these things are going to be found through: sacrifice, getting uncomfortable, re-evaulating what your normal is and putting yourself in situations you don’t want to f*cking do”

“Rich Roll Podcast – Episode 413”

~Damn Rich. Love this! Thank you!

One last thought I’d like to share is, “Be weary of the quick fix.”

I know I’m guilty of wanting answers and progress immediately in life, especially in times of struggle. But that’s just not likely, nor will the results stick. Results have to be trained in with habits. Good habits.

I’m reminded of lottery winners who win tens of millions in a jackpot…then go broke. Why on earth would a lottery winner go broke!?!?! Because they didn’t have good money habits in the first place. The money was transient. The habits won out. They’re broke again.

Today upon publishing this piece it’s Oct. 7th and I’m feeling really great. My body and mind are in an entirely different place than where they were six months ago. Looking back I was broken, body inflamed, stressed and tired. I still feel the temptation, and I will continue to, but that’s ok. I’m aware and being aware is the shit!

My habits are also in a different place. I’m on a mission to knock out 3,650 pull ups this year (10 per day). It’s a feat I gave up on in 2020 and only amassed 1,400 before quitting. I’m proud to say I’m nearly at 3,000 and I’m gaining momentum every day. Three months ago I started running again to get a good sweat in and free some mental space. I still don’t like running, but I love the cleanse of a good sweat.

(Good/Bad)Habits win over time!

Choose your habits wisely.

If any element of this post hits with you, I’d share with you one final quote,

Henceforth, I will consider each day’s effort as but one blow of my blade against a mighty oak. The first blow may cause not a tremor in the wood, nor the second, nor the third. Each blow, of itself may be trifling, and seem of no consequence. Yet from childish swipes the oak will eventually tumble. So it will be with my efforts of today

“The Greatest Salesman in the World” ~OG Mandino