Tag Archives: Better Help

Whatever I am not Changing, I’m Choosing

I struggle with the idea of being actively in control of my current and future state, while also submitting to the fact I have no control at all of the future. But maybe that’s understanding the balance of the yin and the yang or the dichotomy of life? Not sure, but I do wrestle with it frequently.

What if both could be true? What if I was actively in control of day to day decisions and actions, but have little control over where life and the higher power will take me? I can choose to consume a smoothie or a cookie, but I can’t choose what happens when I step on a plane 10 years from now…or if I’ll even be there.

Choice

The title of this post suggests that the things we don’t do, the decisions we delay, and the habits we maintain are not passive choices, but active selections that shape our lives. Decision over destiny.  

If I step back and think really big picture of life-changing, society-altering change, what does this look like? How about Rosa Parks? What about those brave individuals who united to tear down the Berlin Wall? How about going super META and our Founding Fathers!! Could you imagine the world we live in today if these individuals didn’t choose to change?

I have little doubt the life I live today, is a compilation of the choices made last week, last year, and the last decade. I’d like to unpack what that means in finer detail across many disciplines in life

  • Career: In December 2016 I got to participate in the sale of a business in which I had minority ownership stake. But that’s only the last 10% of the story. I made a choice about four years earlier in my career that I needed to be closer to the outcomes my talents could produce. I made a choice to pursue paths that would grant this passage. The seeds of those decisions grew flowers. More specifically Roses. Because there were beautiful petals, but also thorns…which I’ll speak to below.
  • Diet (then): I made a LOT of bad lifestyle choices in my 20’s and I often wonder if the cocktail of: high stress, high ambition, frequent boozing and poor diet triggered my autoimmune response and diagnosis at 27 years old?? By not changing soon enough, did I choose my path?
  • Diet (now): Life looks a lot different than when I was single, living in Chicago 15 years ago…and that’s ok. My diet has taken a 180 and for the first time in what felt like F-O-R-E-V-E-R (Said like in Sandlot), I feel good consistently. My body composition also reflects these choices. A wonderful book that enlightened my understanding on the function and output of food is this: The Wahl’s Protocol. The further I get away from the “Standard American Diet” [S.A.D.] the better
  • Fitness: I think in 2019 and 2020 my level of fitness was…meh! At best, (C-) meh. But I wasn’t taking massive action to change it. Post COVID I committed to that change. Change occurred when our Peloton bike arrived and I jumped on. Early on I sucked, but I was sweating and moving. Looking back now, nearly 1,100 rides later I’m thrilled I decided to change the path I was choosing.
  • Brain Fuel: I make a choice every day to listen to something uplifting or motivating. Sometimes it’s a quick 10-minute YouTube hit in the morning, other times it’s a podcast in the afternoon. Today’s jargon calls this, “Hustle Porn” and I might be addicted to it…and I’m ok with that. Nonetheless, I consume this content daily. Some dismiss the value in motivation, because it’s usually quick-hitting…but fleeting. I get that, but I also disagree. I think about motivation like I think about showering. I need it every day, and sometimes twice a day. We are what we consume!
  • Mental Health: In 2020 and early 2021, I was choosing a life of stress, anxiety and strain. Generally speaking, I’d say I was “unwell” which isn’t a highly scientific term. But it is accurate! How did I get there? It was the culmination of many things. In early 2017 shortly after the sale of the business noted above, one of my partners was set to retire, and the other was suddenly divorcing his wife. Those who I relied on for stability, now only looked like chaos. My world went into a bit of a tailspin and I was filled with resentment I carried with me for the following years. Add a newborn daughter in 2019, COVID, and the world being generally mind-fucked, left me extremely anxious and maybe a little depressed. I found myself asking questions like, “Is this all there is?” Or, “is this what I signed up for?” And then I made a choice to surrender. I wasn’t getting out of these feelings or problems alone. I have to pause for a moment and let the reader know, this was EXTREMELY HARD for me. My ego almost couldn’t allow it. Was I that weak? Couldn’t I just step up and “be a man?” Did I really lack the mental fortitude to “Carry On” and figure it out? Yes I did! I’m so thankful I reached out to Better Help [Journey documented here]. Choice changed the direction of my life. I was coached through EMDR therapy, had many conversations on the pain I was carrying with me, and was able to get back to being myself after feeling lost for a few years.

What I wasn’t Changing, I was Choosing!

I shared a post a few weeks back, at the close of 2024 titled: Four Quotes I Live By. The Number One quote on this list is,

Be Active In Your Own Rescue

It’s my opinion too many lead a life of passivity or lack direction. It’s as if everything happens TO ME, instead of choosing to have life happen FOR ME. If I can provide any guidance, it would be to know what the NORTH STAR of your life’s journey looks like. Use Principles to guide decisions and choice instead of feeling the weight of the world in every decision. Move decision making rights to much larger principles.

Whatever I’m not changing, I’m choosing!

Looking Good, Feeling…Frustrated

I’ve always been particularly aware of how I look. I would even be so aware to call it vain at times. Today is no different. The guy on the left is prideful of the work and results. The guy on the right knows the inside looks presents different challenges from the outside.

It’s the end of the month, which means I’m wrapping up my monthly scorecard. The sole reason for my Monthly Scorecard is to focus on those efforts which provide vitality and energy. The side effective is a positive one, and it is being in shape. But I believe it also helps keep my autoimmune disease at bay, most of the time…

Another Spring Time. Another Flare.

I believe this is the 3rd year in a row I experienced an Ulcerative Colitis flare up. I know for certain I had one last year and I’m pretty sure I had one in 2021 as the stress from Covid was having a major impact on everyone’s lives. Myself included.

Starting 2023, I was going to really attack the Scorecard work and ensure I was showing up for those around me as my best self. I’ve been incredibly diligent with my exercise and diet. Not perfect, but very few slip ups or cheats along the way, so the most recent internal discomfort came as a real shock to me. I was controlling the things I could control to a large degree. Here I am talking again about the word control. It was a prominent theme in my post about receiving therapy through Better Help. This is where I’ve spent time reflecting this last week as I had to miss out on a business trip.

The Illusion of Control

The whole reason for the monthly tracking was to distill down the essential efforts which selfishly, make me feel great as a person. It shouldn’t come as a shock, but with consistency my energy is higher, my sleep is better, my body “looks” better and I’m in control of my symptoms…but am I????

I realized the scorecard work is a daily mechanism and a lever of consistency I can count on. What it isn’t however, is a forcefield of control. I’ve yet to truly find out how to stay in remission 24/7. I am learning through trial and error the elements of my lifestyle I have to avoid or limit.

I have a disease. The disease doesn’t have me.

I got to a point the last week or so, which some may call submission. Brilliant doctors across the globe are studying this disease and how it’s triggered. They’re studying how to treat it and keep their patients in remission. Right now, there isn’t a true “cure” so there is a good chance it could be with me for some time. I’m keenly aware of this and I know I’ve also navigated similar disruptions in the past. ~This too shall pass.

Although the physical aspect of the disease isn’t pretty, and I don’t wish it on anyone, I think the mental piece is actually harder because it is omnipresent. These are the daily thoughts of someone with Crohn’s Disease or UC:

  • What am I going to eat, and how will it make me feel?
  • (if) for some reason I shouldn’t feel good, is there a restroom nearby?
  • if not nearby, where is the closest one?
  • How long are we going to be in the car?
  • Am I actually feeling really good today… cup coffee, or a beer sounds lovely (but also problematic)
  • How long will I have to be on this medication?
  • How do I tell those close to me I need to back out of _____________ (meeting, event, trip, etc.) without being a huge flake?

Searching for the answers to these daily “lifestyle” questions can be anxious and exhausting and why I spend so much time trying to sharpen my mental axe. I know the disease is going to punch back, and when it does, I need to be ready. I need to be ready to show up for my family, my friends, my coworkers and yes…myself!

Perspective is Always Necessary

I have a friend battling cancer. First it was lung cancer (and he never smoked), he beat that…TWICE! Now he’s fighting the same fight against brain cancer with complete faith and his wife by his side. Wow!! To be that strong. Remarkable doesn’t even begin to describe it. But you can read about it here: Eat Pray Breathe

I leave this post thinking about reading more research and trying to gain a better understand of what “springtime” in the midwest has to do with my body annually battling inflammation. I wonder if others experience similar seasonality with symptoms? Either way, tomorrow is May 1st, and it will be back to work on restoring vitality and continuing momentum!

PS – my wife is amazing and always picks up the slack.