Tag Archives: Exercise

From Burnout to Balance: A Birthday Post on Reflection & Transformation

How did I go from: Puffy, Inflamed and Anxious to finding peace and reinventing my body? I’ll tell you, but first I must take a begrudging look back.

The Days are Long. The Years are Fast.

I spent a good deal of time looking at the image on the left and it reminds me of so many things…it actually makes me sad. This picture was taken on my birthday a few years ago at Dunkin Donuts with my two kids. A birthday is a day that should be “happy” and celebrated, but I can’t say that’s how I felt that morning. Holding both kids, I was also holding a great deal of anxiousness, guilt and burnout.

Still shy of 40, I was feeling the impacts of many things colliding. I felt stressed running a business that was going through the earliest days of COVID. But little did I know it was only going to become more tenuous. Layoffs loomed and I spent many late nights or early early mornings with my face in my hands, agonizing over a list of employees who would no longer be employed the following morning. I knew it would place stress on them or their family and there was no right answer…only a number to reduce to. These are long, lonely days and restless nights.

Generally Unwell

I was feeling the impacts of a young daughter and the stresses of raising another child, but this time in a much different time. I always felt great stress in their youngest of years. Reflecting back on when I was young and selfish, responsibility (even to one self) felt trivial. But when another human depends on you for their entire life, that’s responsibility! And it always stressed me out if I’m being honest.

I wasn’t eating well, I definitely wasn’t sleeping well, and I wasn’t exercising with any sort of consistency. I was “skinny fat” with a weak body and little discipline. My days started with heavy doses of caffeine and ended with a drink or more likely…drinkssss to escape the stress and “take the edge off!” Just reading this makes my body shake with regret. I was inflamed, easy to agitate, and grumpy (I wonder why??). I was pretty much the opposite of a joy to be around, but I tried my best to hide it with my usual prescription of a little charisma and some charm. Despite this charade, inside I was miserable. The only relief I found was cycling on and off steroids to tame my triggered auto immune disease.

At one point in this journey, I remember being down in my office, seeking surrender being alone. I likely was hoping to cry. Afterall, I thought it would be healthy or therapeutic. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t cry. I was holding on to everything so tight, I couldn’t let anything go…including tears. I was immune to relaxation and felt generally numb.

I was burned out. Happy Birthday right!?!?

So What Changed?

Everything.

  • Diet – I started getting hyper-focused on what I put into my body. I read The Wahl’s Protocol from Dr. Terry Wahls. She reversed her MS auto immune condition with a very specific diet and exercise protocol and documented her journey. I’m far from perfect with my consumption, but I do eat “mostly good” and keep a keen eye out for alcohol consumption. More vegetables. More quality meat. Less processed junk. I haven’t fully quit drinking, although I have considered it from time to time.
  • Fitness – In 2021 I purchased a Peloton and a pull up bar. I literally think this was a major lever to gaining momentum across all other aspects of my life because a decision was MADE. The previous version of me was dead. I’ll never forget getting on that bike the first few times. The shoes felt awkward. After only minutes, my lungs and veins were on fire. My heart was racing, which felt like the panic attack experienced earlier in the year. But looking back…it was the medicine I needed. I can also tell you “stress sweat” smells very different than every day sweat. With every ride completed, the cocktail of cortisol, anxiety, and general distress on the body came pouring out on to my basement floor.
  • Body – The combination of diet changes and fitness protocol these last few years helped reshape my body. Just look at the guy on the right (taken the fall of 2024) compared to the left. I’m about 8-10 lbs. heavier (in a good way). I did it by reshaping my body, and putting on muscle. My soft belly is gone and my shoulders are broader. I’ve done thousands of pull ups, push ups, cycled thousands of miles pursuing the daily discipline of staying in shape while continuing to push. Aside from general fitness and me being vain (yes I like to look good), I feel So-Much-Better! My body moves so much better. I sleep so much better.
  • Surrender – This may seem trivial, it may not, but I got back to the rhythm of going to church. I’m a deeply flawed person and every time I walk out of a service, I feel lighter and somewhat reborn. With every visit I ask for forgiveness for something and it allows me to reconnect to a higher power and bigger purpose. This has been a big part of the mosaic that is my healing journey. As I worked to transform my mind, (Mental) and body(Physical), I also dove into transforming my spirit (Spiritual).
  • Professional Help – I’ve written about my journey with Better Help. Along with exercise, this act was transformational. It was exactly what I needed to get out of my own head and into a path toward healing, forgiving, and not being so damned hard on myself. I’m incredibly grateful for the skilled professional who helped me through a tough spot. If you told me in my 20s I would consult therapy for a tough time I was going through, I would’ve LAUGHED and said some asshole condescending comment about “being weak minded” and seeking help. What a pussy! ~I didn’t think my ego would allow it, but here’s to growing up, swallowing pride and seeking help. This is hard for men…especially us ALPHAs. I get it.
  • Medication – I’m pleased to report as of the beginning of 2025, I got off my anxiety medication. It’s been a goal of mine for some time, and I’d gotten down to such a low dose that I was just doing it to do it. But a healthy body and mind doesn’t need an unnecessary crutch, so I cut it out headed into the new year.
  • Content – Every day of the year it’s quite likely I’ll read one of two books as mental conditioning. The first is, Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins < – – – – – I love this book!! I hope I never stop rereading the wisdom. The second is, The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. Priming my mind with teachings thousands of years old help me stay grounded and also growing.

Reinvention starts slowly (really slowly) and then happens all at once.

I know each of the modalities above can do miracles on their own. But, when paired together, their individual super powers have the potential to create exponential outcomes and generate tremendous momentum. Momentum is much easier to steer than start and momentum is an agent of change! I now feel like I’m coming into my birthday this year, with strong winds at my back!

I really try not to preach or give too much direction on this blog on [what you need to do is this…]. I can only know what I’ve been through, and share my journey and experiences through my lens. (If) it helps you…wonderful! If it gets you started on a new direction…I’m delighted. Maybe some day we can talk about it.

Reinvention is possible and it can start today with a decision. That’s where it started with me a few years ago on the Ides of March. Although the decision had to start with me, I’m incredibly grateful for a supportive wife and incredible friends who’ve been with me every step of the way!

The Evolution of the Scorecard

I’d been mulling changes to my scorecard for a few weeks now, and some recent reading is telling me NOW is the time to evolve my monthly tracking ritual.

Welcome to the 2023 Version of the Keen Mind Scorecard

First off, lets note the elements that didn’t change:

  • Meditation – This discipline remains a staple in my monthly effort. 20X minimum.
  • Exercise – There is slight change in this area of focus with a +2 increase in monthly minimum effort.
  • Church – No change to this effort from previous scorecard.
  • (2) Books – No change. I’ll continue to strive to consume one written and one audiobook per month.

Now for the NEW STUFF:

  1. 24-Hr. Fast: I got to this one in a roundabout and rather unconventional way. I’ve had my fair share of colonoscopies for a 40-year old. That said, I have learned something from this process. Each colonoscopy requires a 24+ hour fasting period as “prep” for the event. Prep is a funny word, as they really should call it [aggressively] draining every ounce of food in your digestive track. Either way, I’ll consume only coffee, tea, or water in this process and a really interesting thing happens. It feels odd from about the 12-16 hour mark because I’m typically hungry, but then it feels like my body really settles into the challenge. From here, I do feel a slight boost of adrenaline and mental sharpness. This is also when the body starts to detoxify itself and heal…two things my Autoimmune condition can really appreciate. For all these reasons, I’m going to attempt to conquer one 24 hour fast per month. Easy to do, easy NOT to do.
  2. Dating My Wife: I was primed to add this to my monthly scorecard by reading The Warrior Book. Balance is one of Garrett’s areas of focus with his family and his “date night” is something they DO NOT gravitate away from. Selfishly speaking this is something my wife and I can work on. We’ve got two young kids (4 and 8) and we’re busy. But we’re not sooo busy that we can’t make time for just the two of us to reconnect. Honestly, I was going to only have 1x per week on here, but that felt lazy and pretty weak candidly. So two it is. Grab a babysitter and get out there!

Pass on Resolutions – Find Momentum

As I’ve challenge many before, don’t go the path of New Year’s Resolutions. Instead, I challenge all readers to find the things that truly make you “feel good” and hone in on the frequency needed to gamify your own lifestyle. When you see it on paper in front of you, accountability ensues.

As former Navy Seal Jocko Willink says in his NY Time Bestseller: Discipline Equals Freedom. My scorecard is my connection to freedom.

~Happy New Year All!

PS – Here’s a short list of the elements that didn’t make the list:

  • Ice Bath – I was thinking of a 6-8X a month Ice bath but I’m going to leave that one alone for now and see how the current revisions play out.
  • Charitable Contribution – I was considering sticking to a monthly dedication of a charitable donation, but we do a pretty good job of this and didn’t feel the need to stay after it on a monthly regimen.
  • Kids Date Night [with each child] – Kids need total focus too and I was REALLY close to putting this one on there. I’m going to keep it in mind as my wife and I work on our accountability.

How Will You Arrive?

Fresh off a 5K run. Drenched in sweat and about to text my buddy Steve.

As the sun rises and the sun sets, I step closer and closer to that milestone birthday I once dreaded and made fun of in my 20s. Now as this milestone quickly approaches, I’m hopeful to believe life is less than half complete. Yes I’ll confess my age. I’m on the doorstep of 40!

What inevitability awaits is marketed to us on the daily. Do gray hairs now populate my head and beard? Could the waistline be slightly expanding? Is my club head speed beginning to deteriorate?

A couple months back around the holidays I was texting with a good friend of mine after a workout. Sweaty, but feeling energized from my recent accomplishment pounding the treadmill for a few miles I reminded him of the impending doom on our horizon. Our 40th birthdays would both come calling in March of 2022.

The question wasn’t if we’d make it to the milestone. No. We were certainly on a crash course with a “mid-life” encounter. The question I posed to him was, “How will we arrive at 40?”

How would I arrive for my wife?

Would I have the vitality necessary to keep a 20-year relationship fun and strong? Would I be desirable in my life choices or is the beer gut winning out? Am I doing my best to balance being a provider, a parent and a partner?

How would we arrive for my kids?

Would we have the energy, or more than enough energy to keep up with them as they grow out of babies into their adolescent years? Do we own enough discipline to know when to put work away and pickup a ball or book with our kids?

How would we arrive for ourselves?

How is our physical, mental and spiritual health at a time when we’re pulled in so many directions? Are we continuing to take on new and curious challenges to keep growing as individuals? Do we also own a deep gratitude to know we are “enough” today?

How would we arrive for our friends?

Are we someone a friend can trust or count on in a time of need? Or are we the one who seldom returns a call or text? Instead choosing the lazy route of disappearing into the ether of a “busy” life void of the connections we truly cherish?

A decade ago…

I shared somewhat similar and more surface level thoughts about this topic as I was nearing 30 and trying (unsuccessfully at the time) to start a family. Was I the reason my wife and I were unable to conceive? Was it my lifestyle that needed an overhaul? If we were blessed with kids, how would I arrive as a parent?

Time is a wonderful teacher. Ten years and a lot of life in between offer more perspective and more thoughtful reflection as I continue on this journey called life.

I now understand life is consistently presenting us with milestones. Each milestone contains a mini finish line on the horizon. Each finish line provides an opportune time time to ask, “How will I arrive when I break the tape of _______________ life event?

If you currently find yourself addicted, overweight, out of shape, anxious, or simply less than your best self…look forward to your next milestone and leverage the journey ahead for meaningful progress.

I don’t care if you’re soon to be graduating college, turning 30, welcoming your first child, turning 50, or soon to be 80 years young. Life is giving us all the opportunity to pause and take stock. Not that we are perfect or in pursuit of perfection. But that we HAVE ARRIVED!

HOW WILL YOU ARRIVE?