Tag Archives: Peloton

From Burnout to Balance: A Birthday Post on Reflection & Transformation

How did I go from: Puffy, Inflamed and Anxious to finding peace and reinventing my body? I’ll tell you, but first I must take a begrudging look back.

The Days are Long. The Years are Fast.

I spent a good deal of time looking at the image on the left and it reminds me of so many things…it actually makes me sad. This picture was taken on my birthday a few years ago at Dunkin Donuts with my two kids. A birthday is a day that should be “happy” and celebrated, but I can’t say that’s how I felt that morning. Holding both kids, I was also holding a great deal of anxiousness, guilt and burnout.

Still shy of 40, I was feeling the impacts of many things colliding. I felt stressed running a business that was going through the earliest days of COVID. But little did I know it was only going to become more tenuous. Layoffs loomed and I spent many late nights or early early mornings with my face in my hands, agonizing over a list of employees who would no longer be employed the following morning. I knew it would place stress on them or their family and there was no right answer…only a number to reduce to. These are long, lonely days and restless nights.

Generally Unwell

I was feeling the impacts of a young daughter and the stresses of raising another child, but this time in a much different time. I always felt great stress in their youngest of years. Reflecting back on when I was young and selfish, responsibility (even to one self) felt trivial. But when another human depends on you for their entire life, that’s responsibility! And it always stressed me out if I’m being honest.

I wasn’t eating well, I definitely wasn’t sleeping well, and I wasn’t exercising with any sort of consistency. I was “skinny fat” with a weak body and little discipline. My days started with heavy doses of caffeine and ended with a drink or more likely…drinkssss to escape the stress and “take the edge off!” Just reading this makes my body shake with regret. I was inflamed, easy to agitate, and grumpy (I wonder why??). I was pretty much the opposite of a joy to be around, but I tried my best to hide it with my usual prescription of a little charisma and some charm. Despite this charade, inside I was miserable. The only relief I found was cycling on and off steroids to tame my triggered auto immune disease.

At one point in this journey, I remember being down in my office, seeking surrender being alone. I likely was hoping to cry. Afterall, I thought it would be healthy or therapeutic. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t cry. I was holding on to everything so tight, I couldn’t let anything go…including tears. I was immune to relaxation and felt generally numb.

I was burned out. Happy Birthday right!?!?

So What Changed?

Everything.

  • Diet – I started getting hyper-focused on what I put into my body. I read The Wahl’s Protocol from Dr. Terry Wahls. She reversed her MS auto immune condition with a very specific diet and exercise protocol and documented her journey. I’m far from perfect with my consumption, but I do eat “mostly good” and keep a keen eye out for alcohol consumption. More vegetables. More quality meat. Less processed junk. I haven’t fully quit drinking, although I have considered it from time to time.
  • Fitness – In 2021 I purchased a Peloton and a pull up bar. I literally think this was a major lever to gaining momentum across all other aspects of my life because a decision was MADE. The previous version of me was dead. I’ll never forget getting on that bike the first few times. The shoes felt awkward. After only minutes, my lungs and veins were on fire. My heart was racing, which felt like the panic attack experienced earlier in the year. But looking back…it was the medicine I needed. I can also tell you “stress sweat” smells very different than every day sweat. With every ride completed, the cocktail of cortisol, anxiety, and general distress on the body came pouring out on to my basement floor.
  • Body – The combination of diet changes and fitness protocol these last few years helped reshape my body. Just look at the guy on the right (taken the fall of 2024) compared to the left. I’m about 8-10 lbs. heavier (in a good way). I did it by reshaping my body, and putting on muscle. My soft belly is gone and my shoulders are broader. I’ve done thousands of pull ups, push ups, cycled thousands of miles pursuing the daily discipline of staying in shape while continuing to push. Aside from general fitness and me being vain (yes I like to look good), I feel So-Much-Better! My body moves so much better. I sleep so much better.
  • Surrender – This may seem trivial, it may not, but I got back to the rhythm of going to church. I’m a deeply flawed person and every time I walk out of a service, I feel lighter and somewhat reborn. With every visit I ask for forgiveness for something and it allows me to reconnect to a higher power and bigger purpose. This has been a big part of the mosaic that is my healing journey. As I worked to transform my mind, (Mental) and body(Physical), I also dove into transforming my spirit (Spiritual).
  • Professional Help – I’ve written about my journey with Better Help. Along with exercise, this act was transformational. It was exactly what I needed to get out of my own head and into a path toward healing, forgiving, and not being so damned hard on myself. I’m incredibly grateful for the skilled professional who helped me through a tough spot. If you told me in my 20s I would consult therapy for a tough time I was going through, I would’ve LAUGHED and said some asshole condescending comment about “being weak minded” and seeking help. What a pussy! ~I didn’t think my ego would allow it, but here’s to growing up, swallowing pride and seeking help. This is hard for men…especially us ALPHAs. I get it.
  • Medication – I’m pleased to report as of the beginning of 2025, I got off my anxiety medication. It’s been a goal of mine for some time, and I’d gotten down to such a low dose that I was just doing it to do it. But a healthy body and mind doesn’t need an unnecessary crutch, so I cut it out headed into the new year.
  • Content – Every day of the year it’s quite likely I’ll read one of two books as mental conditioning. The first is, Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins < – – – – – I love this book!! I hope I never stop rereading the wisdom. The second is, The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday. Priming my mind with teachings thousands of years old help me stay grounded and also growing.

Reinvention starts slowly (really slowly) and then happens all at once.

I know each of the modalities above can do miracles on their own. But, when paired together, their individual super powers have the potential to create exponential outcomes and generate tremendous momentum. Momentum is much easier to steer than start and momentum is an agent of change! I now feel like I’m coming into my birthday this year, with strong winds at my back!

I really try not to preach or give too much direction on this blog on [what you need to do is this…]. I can only know what I’ve been through, and share my journey and experiences through my lens. (If) it helps you…wonderful! If it gets you started on a new direction…I’m delighted. Maybe some day we can talk about it.

Reinvention is possible and it can start today with a decision. That’s where it started with me a few years ago on the Ides of March. Although the decision had to start with me, I’m incredibly grateful for a supportive wife and incredible friends who’ve been with me every step of the way!

Whatever I am not Changing, I’m Choosing

I struggle with the idea of being actively in control of my current and future state, while also submitting to the fact I have no control at all of the future. But maybe that’s understanding the balance of the yin and the yang or the dichotomy of life? Not sure, but I do wrestle with it frequently.

What if both could be true? What if I was actively in control of day to day decisions and actions, but have little control over where life and the higher power will take me? I can choose to consume a smoothie or a cookie, but I can’t choose what happens when I step on a plane 10 years from now…or if I’ll even be there.

Choice

The title of this post suggests that the things we don’t do, the decisions we delay, and the habits we maintain are not passive choices, but active selections that shape our lives. Decision over destiny.  

If I step back and think really big picture of life-changing, society-altering change, what does this look like? How about Rosa Parks? What about those brave individuals who united to tear down the Berlin Wall? How about going super META and our Founding Fathers!! Could you imagine the world we live in today if these individuals didn’t choose to change?

I have little doubt the life I live today, is a compilation of the choices made last week, last year, and the last decade. I’d like to unpack what that means in finer detail across many disciplines in life

  • Career: In December 2016 I got to participate in the sale of a business in which I had minority ownership stake. But that’s only the last 10% of the story. I made a choice about four years earlier in my career that I needed to be closer to the outcomes my talents could produce. I made a choice to pursue paths that would grant this passage. The seeds of those decisions grew flowers. More specifically Roses. Because there were beautiful petals, but also thorns…which I’ll speak to below.
  • Diet (then): I made a LOT of bad lifestyle choices in my 20’s and I often wonder if the cocktail of: high stress, high ambition, frequent boozing and poor diet triggered my autoimmune response and diagnosis at 27 years old?? By not changing soon enough, did I choose my path?
  • Diet (now): Life looks a lot different than when I was single, living in Chicago 15 years ago…and that’s ok. My diet has taken a 180 and for the first time in what felt like F-O-R-E-V-E-R (Said like in Sandlot), I feel good consistently. My body composition also reflects these choices. A wonderful book that enlightened my understanding on the function and output of food is this: The Wahl’s Protocol. The further I get away from the “Standard American Diet” [S.A.D.] the better
  • Fitness: I think in 2019 and 2020 my level of fitness was…meh! At best, (C-) meh. But I wasn’t taking massive action to change it. Post COVID I committed to that change. Change occurred when our Peloton bike arrived and I jumped on. Early on I sucked, but I was sweating and moving. Looking back now, nearly 1,100 rides later I’m thrilled I decided to change the path I was choosing.
  • Brain Fuel: I make a choice every day to listen to something uplifting or motivating. Sometimes it’s a quick 10-minute YouTube hit in the morning, other times it’s a podcast in the afternoon. Today’s jargon calls this, “Hustle Porn” and I might be addicted to it…and I’m ok with that. Nonetheless, I consume this content daily. Some dismiss the value in motivation, because it’s usually quick-hitting…but fleeting. I get that, but I also disagree. I think about motivation like I think about showering. I need it every day, and sometimes twice a day. We are what we consume!
  • Mental Health: In 2020 and early 2021, I was choosing a life of stress, anxiety and strain. Generally speaking, I’d say I was “unwell” which isn’t a highly scientific term. But it is accurate! How did I get there? It was the culmination of many things. In early 2017 shortly after the sale of the business noted above, one of my partners was set to retire, and the other was suddenly divorcing his wife. Those who I relied on for stability, now only looked like chaos. My world went into a bit of a tailspin and I was filled with resentment I carried with me for the following years. Add a newborn daughter in 2019, COVID, and the world being generally mind-fucked, left me extremely anxious and maybe a little depressed. I found myself asking questions like, “Is this all there is?” Or, “is this what I signed up for?” And then I made a choice to surrender. I wasn’t getting out of these feelings or problems alone. I have to pause for a moment and let the reader know, this was EXTREMELY HARD for me. My ego almost couldn’t allow it. Was I that weak? Couldn’t I just step up and “be a man?” Did I really lack the mental fortitude to “Carry On” and figure it out? Yes I did! I’m so thankful I reached out to Better Help [Journey documented here]. Choice changed the direction of my life. I was coached through EMDR therapy, had many conversations on the pain I was carrying with me, and was able to get back to being myself after feeling lost for a few years.

What I wasn’t Changing, I was Choosing!

I shared a post a few weeks back, at the close of 2024 titled: Four Quotes I Live By. The Number One quote on this list is,

Be Active In Your Own Rescue

It’s my opinion too many lead a life of passivity or lack direction. It’s as if everything happens TO ME, instead of choosing to have life happen FOR ME. If I can provide any guidance, it would be to know what the NORTH STAR of your life’s journey looks like. Use Principles to guide decisions and choice instead of feeling the weight of the world in every decision. Move decision making rights to much larger principles.

Whatever I’m not changing, I’m choosing!

When the GRIND Sets In

The “GRIND“: opposing parts desire and dissatisfaction.

The GRIND is glorified by athletes and entrepreneurs as they put in rep after rep in the lab. This grind is rewarded with sweat, performance breakthroughs and improvement through struggle. Instagram post = “Out here Grindin!” Courtesy of DJ Khalid

To the opposition, the GRIND is met with vitriol. Their Monday through Friday work is a GRIND. Showing up for the man. This grind is rewarded by ending whatever misery is being participated in…likely Friday at 5pm.

FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PROCESS

Nick Saban’s love for the process is well documented. Alabama’s entire program and dynasty revolves around “the process” and doing the next play, the next rep, with excellence. One at a time. Every time. In the present moment, with excellence. Forget yesterday. Don’t worry about tomorrow. It’s about performing NOW.

Watching a video from Bedros Keuilian on YouTube, he spoke to the power of a rep or repetition as it relates to confidence. He said the following and it really sunk in.

REPS REMOVE DOUBT

I’ve written extensively about the role of momentum and confidence in life. You either have momentum and life is flowing to you, or you’re working on rebuilding momentum and fighting headwinds. When things are rolling, confidence is high. When challenge is omnipresent, doubt is high, and confidence is low. But how does one build confidence back? How do you get your mojo back?

Build confidence, by Doing the Reps. Bedros said, “repetition removes doubt!”

Notice he didn’t say, repetition guarantees confidence. He went the other way. It removes doubt. When doubt is gone, I believe we’re able to be our [best self] and flow infinitely into whatever task we’re pursuing.

Where do I see this in real life? Let me tell you:

  • Coaching 8-year old Travel Baseball: The progress some of these kids have made since February is gigantic and it isn’t luck. It’s repetition. Many began the year with some level of FEAR. By the way, the wiring in an 8-year old, is the same wiring in all of us. Think about that for a moment.
  • 10,000 Pull Up Goal: I set a goal at the beginning of 2023 to knock out 10,000 pull ups. As of this post I’m at about 6,400. Flowing easily toward and well past my target. But there is no easy path to 10,000. It’s every day, one rep at a time.
  • Sales Teams: I’ve lead and coached many sales people and teams in my 20 professional years. The best/most successful, do the reps with rabid consistency. Luck isn’t bestowed upon the consistent high achievers. They stay in the work and eliminate doubt with consistent preparation and action.
  • Peloton Practice: When our Peloton [handle: zkeeney] arrived in the fall of 2021, I wasn’t sure I’d be into the work. I’ve never been into cycling and I’m typically bored quickly if I’m not on the move. But I committed to doing the first 20 rides. Today I’m over 500+ rides and there are many days I need the work, like I need oxygen. I’m in love with the reps. I’m in love with the sweat and competition.

Whenever I find myself stuck, unable to start a big project or long journey, I focus on taking the first step, in the right direction. Action is key, but so too, is focused direction. Then show up again. And again. The rest will take care of itself when momentum sets in and kinetic energy is flowing.

The betterhelp Response – Overwhelming

The outpouring of responses from my latest post was intense in the best of ways. I had a very strong suspicion there were many others out there like me, experiencing the same [bottled up] feelings I had two years ago. What I didn’t know, is I’d hear from so many of you in droves. You are brave for reaching out and trusting in me to have the conversation!

THANK YOU!

In case you missed it, this is the post which sparked overwhelming response: My Journey with betterhelp.

I received this message from a friend I haven’t heard from in some time. I was instantly moved and felt connected. Here is a selection,

“Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either.”

I received DOZENS of messages like these

Lets be honest. I don’t have the reach of internet sensations: Tim Ferriss, or Rich Roll, or Brene Brown. I figured I’d receive a text and email or two from the post (because I almost always do), but the responses came pouring in and they came in almost immediately. In my nearly 10 years of blogging and sharing my perspective, I’ve NEVER gotten the feedback like I did here. Nor have I felt the instant gratitude to start conversations with people I connected with throughout my life.

I decided to anonymize those who sent feedback to show you what I already believed to be true. Many men are walking a similar journey and had similar stigma around getting help. Some have a history of struggle. Some are in it right now. But all have found a way to seek guidance or hear another voice…besides the voice in their head. If you reached out to me, here is a snippet of what your peers had to say! They appreciate you without even knowing it!

A Friend, an athlete, a great Dad

I read your post regarding therapy. I commend you for doing that, it’s not an easy thing to do much less post about it on your social media. I have been on again/ off again with therapy/ meds for anxiety and depression. A lot of the causes resonated with me because those are some of the same things that reared their ugly head when I was going through it/ still going through it. Either way, thanks for posting that and in a weird way its a relief to know that I am not the only one going through it, but I also don’t like seeing people go through it either. I am glad you got out of therapy what you did and are on the other side of it. I am still working through it, but therapy has helped.

A friend, a peer, a great Dad

Good post brother! I’ve met with Aaron Kampman quarterly for the last several years. https://www.thealignprocess.com/aaron-kampman From a mental health standpoint, it is freeing. For me, weight lifts off my shoulders after each session.

A Business Peer

Loved your post Zac. Thank you for your honesty and the courage to put yourself out there for others who may be feeling similarly or the same. I think many of us were/are in a similar boat, but as men, we typically are the last ones to seek out self-care, especially when we have others to care for who come first (wife/partner, child, parents, etc.) I know that’s the challenge I struggle with daily.

A friend, and a rebuilding story

Great post tonight! It hit home for me. It took going through a divorce, therapy, and a lot of self-reflection to get me back to my true self. The toughen up and push through it mentally doesn’t work, and it really just fuels anxiety to the point of changing who you really are. Being vulnerable is where it is at! Thanks for sharing!

A successful business associate, peer and Dad

I’m reaching out because I wanted to let you know that I saw your post about your journey with betterhelp, and I wanted to say THANK YOU for posting that! I’ve been struggling with certain things as well, predominantly professionally, and that post caught me at the exact right time!

A friend, business associate, and great Dad

Love the blog. Thanks for sharing. One of my favorite quotes…Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought. ~James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

As I was sweating through a Peloton ride this morning, my session ended with Emma Lovewell saying this,

When we show up for ourselves, we have the ability to show up as our best-self for others around us

5 Thoughts on Labor Day

I hope this message finds you relaxing on this national Labor Day holiday. As a reminder, this holiday was put in place to honor and recognize the American labor movement and the works and contributions of laborers to the development and achievements of the United States.

Makes me wonder…where did all the “Laborers” go? It’s time to get back to work America! Time to get back to making contributions to America’s strength, prosperity, and well-being.

Back to the purpose of this post, the 5 Thoughts on Labor Day

  1. GRATITUDE – I heard it earlier this week and it hit me as very profound. If you looked back 10 years and told yourself, what you’d doing now, 10 years later…what would you say?!?!? For me that’s pretty simple. I’d say, “DAMN, That’s terrific!” I’m overly ambitious and an avid goal writer. Ten years ago I wanted to accomplish the following things: Have kids, own a business, build a house on a golf course, own income producing real estate, sell a business (for profit), income targets, etc. I can put a BIG FAT CHECK MARK next to all of these, with a special THANK YOU to the University of Iowa Hospitals and their reproductive team. I’ve heard Tony Robbins say, “people often overestimate what they can accomplish in a year, and underestimate what they can accomplish in a decade.” Today is a day to reflect and be grateful because that is absolutely true!!!
  2. NUTRITION – As I move past that magical milestone of 40, I’m paying more attention to what I put into my body. Look I’m not perfect and I’m not counting every calorie or turning down every cookie. I’m still enjoying myself, but I’m paying very close attention to what I eat an how it makes me feel. With special attention being paid to limiting: sugar, gluten and alcohol. I’m also beginning to follow The Wahls Protocol (although not with militant vigor) as a way to keep my autoimmune condition in check. I will say, so far so good. I am feeling an increase in energy and better sleep.
  3. SLEEP – A good night of sleep is EVERYTHING to me now. To be fair, I don’t know if I’ve ever been a great sleeper. I guess it’s my restless mind and sometimes overly ambitious personality at work. But, even if my 3-year-old wakes up a couple times a week in the middle of the night, I can feel it. I can also tell how I hit the hay based on what I ate/consumed for the day. Getting old does suck, but I’m trying to find ways to make it suck less. For me those include: A Sleep Mask, paying attention to alcohol and caffeine consumption, and overall diet. Few things feel better than an uninterrupted 8+ hours of restorative sleep. < – – – – – – That’s pure gold at 40!
  4. ECONOMY – No silver bullets here or Nostradamus like predictions. But I do think about the macroeconomic factors frequently as an investor and business builder. Where are we? How did we get here? The most immediate thought I have is printing $7 Trillion is going to have lasting effects on where we’re going. There is TOO much supply given to those who created little or no economic value (Hence back to my tongue and cheek comments on “Labor” day). All that said, I still believe the United States is a terrific place to do business, and if you can stay away from tax crazed states, your chances grow considerably. I’m also wondering how we can have such low unemployment, yet sooooo many jobs available everywhere you look? Did that many people really retire or just exit the workforce? In the near term, I’ll continue investing in cash flowing real estate and I’ll keep a nest egg set aside for just in case scenarios.
  5. NO NEWS – I’ve largely stopped watching the news on TV. The funny part is, I still know what’s going on in the world without having to hear about the day’s last looting, shooting, or riot. The only part I really tune in or fast-forward to is the weather. There’s too much shock and awe to start a day for me and the hyperbolic tone is over the top. I remember back to going to my Grandma’s after school and hearing Walter Cronkite deliver the news. Although I was very young, I felt like he actually reported the news and it wasn’t delivered with an agenda. Simpler times I guess.

As a final takeaway, I do a goal review/pacing every Sunday. Being that the calendar just rolled over to September, it means we still have 1/3 of the year left to accomplish big things, or re-establish momentum. I’m happy to say I’m well on pace for my goal of 250 Peloton rides in 2022. I also completed the goal of purchasing (2) income producing properties in 2022. As for other goals…I’ve got 4 months to make a big impact and a lot of pull ups left to conquer.

~Go get it!

Smashing January’s Scorecard

What a terrific start to the year!

What gets measured, gets managed ~ Peter Drucker

January 2022 started off sulking my Iowa Hawkeyes bowl loss on New Year’s Day with a few icy blue Coors Lights. Alas, the next day I started dry January (a day late) with a renewed purpose and new goal pursuits for the new year.

If there’s a word I’m really leaning into for this year it is CONSISTENCY. I think the image below sums up it up pretty well. Less of the left…more of what’s on the right. [Relying on Motivation vs. Consistency]

Moreover, when I’m operating more on the right…I find rhythm. This leads to momentum and I’m ALL FOR steering momentum vs. trying to generate it from a dead stop. I wrapped up 2021 completing over 5,500 pull ups (with a goal of 3,650) and I’m hoping to continue the momentum from the back half of last year into 2022 (already at 1,100+).

My SCORECARD is about vitality metrics. It’s not a specific workout or calorie counting exercise. It’s about momentum, feeling good and the power of a great night of sleep (even when my 3 year old comes in from time to time).

Below are the elements I believe helped me generate and maintain a ton of momentum in January and ultimately led me to crush my goals.

January 2022 Momentum:

  • Consistency – Simple as it sounds, daily work and focus wins out. Even if it’s just a little bit. Not trying to over do it and win the war in a day. Showing up for battle after battle produces progress. Progress leads to momentum – – – – > Forward
  • Peloton – We invested in a Peloton in 2021 and I’m loving it. I booked 20+ rides in January. What else are you going to do when it’s -20 and dark outside? It’s a terrific sweat and something I honestly didn’t think I’d be so into. So far I’m partnering the rides with their meditation classes, which I think are REALLY solid.
  • Dry January – This has been a really good reset for my body. I don’t think I’ll be giving up alcohol indefinitely, but I will be paying more and more attention to how it makes me feel and also the impact on sleep.
  • Sleep – I’ve mentioned this before in a previous post. Sleep is the ultimate lever for how I feel. I do think alcohol is playing a role here to the point above. I’ll also add that if I meditate, stretch, or a combo of both before bed, a great night of sleep is almost certain to follow. As are some crazy vivid dreams!
  • Wim Hof Method – I’ve been sprinkling in Wim Hof Method breathing exercises with my meditation practice. Here is a quick YouTube link to a beginner session (it’s only 11:00). And yes, I’ve also started ending my morning shower with a couple mins of cold, COLD water. I guess I’m a sucker for self-improvement.
  • Checking ALL the Boxes – I’ll reiterate, my scorecard is about creating and maintaining VITALITY in life. Success breeds success. Hitting stride in one platform, leads to progress in another. Fitness + Spiritual + Knowledge.

Finding Momentum in February

As January comes to a close and we wave goodbye to frigid temperatures, there is a good chance many are also waving goodbye to well thought out “New Years Resolutions” promised just 30 days ago. So What!!! Inaction finds us all. Flush it and move on. Don’t dwell.

I beg of you, I implore you, start February anew and find progress in the smallest effort in the right direction. Look to the image above from Liz Fosslien and embrace this. Everyone starts at the bottom left stair. Everyone.

Content Consumed in January:

  1. Finding Ultra (Rich Roll)- Audiobook
  2. Stories That Stick (Kindra Hall) – hard copy
  3. Orchard Hill Church sermon – Family Feelings: Shame (Alice Shirey)
  4. Orchard Hill Church sermon – Family Feelings: Fear (Doug Tensen)
  5. Orchard Hill Church sermon – Family Feelings: Disappointment (Dave Bartlett)