This one will be short and sweet for all of us that need to hear it.
How does fear come to life for you?
False evidence appearing real
Frantic effort to appear recovered
Future events already ruined
Fear expressed allows relief
I’ve personally been afraid of many things in my life…and yet, noneof them have come to be. Sunday is a good day to face what we believe to be true and let these thoughts hit the light of day!
I set a goal in 2021 to complete 3,650 pull ups. Pretty simple really, 10x per day, 365 days and boom…done!
Slight Edge Principles. Small actions (x) magnified by TIME = BIG RESULTS!
The psychology behind this isn’t only to do 10 per day. It’s to establish momentum doing 10 per day, EVERY DAY, such that it becomes easy and soon I’d be knocking out 20, 30, 50 or more a day. Soon repeat sets of 10 would turn into sets of 15-20. Putting me in a position of tremendous momentum to squash my mere 3,650 target and be in pursuit of 5,000+.
Except…you guessed it. That didn’t happen!
I got lost, lazy, not feeling great and forgetful in the 1st quarter of the year. Every day consequently I fell behind 10 per day for about 80-90 days. Or in bigger terms 800-900 behind my needed pace. Now what?!?!? The answer is never about moving the target to adjust for laziness.
My pull up bar is in the storage area of our basement. I mark my sets of ten with an “X” on the wall next to the bar like an inmate counting his days at Shawshank. X, X, X, X, X… There is no digital replacement for the feeling of accomplishment of scratching my lead pencil into the back of a sheet of drywall. Scratch /, scratch \…(X)DONE!
Basement Wall Pull-ups
Getting back, the 1st 10 was the hardest. Getting back in running shape, the 1st mile was the hardest. I felt like my heart was going to rip through my chest and my legs felt like heavy noodles only 1/2 mile in.
As I regained my meditation practice, the first ten minutes of calming the hamster in my mind (who happened to feel like he was on a rager!) was the ABSOLUTE hardest.
Where am I now? I’m happy to report beginning August I’m in full “catch up” mode. Knocking out at least 50 or more pull-ups a day, sometimes closer to 100. I will surpass 3,650 in 2021. Write that down.
The point of this post is about embracing the suck of starting. It’s about embracing the pain and steep learning curve of starting anything. Immediately starting or learning any new skill or engaging a new regimen is going to take perseverance. Search “Learning Curve” and look at the image.
It’s going to suck right away. I’m going to suck right away. The technique will be poor and the outcome sloppy. But that’s the point!
I was listening to Anne Lamott (author of Bird by Bird) on the Tim Ferriss podcast. She teaches the power of “Shitty First Drafts” as they lead to good second drafts and terrific third drafts. The key is putting in the work. Getting your ass in the chair and sitting down to write.
The hardest part for me in this quest is simple. Grab the bar.
Just like the hardest part of a run is lacing up my running shoes.
Grab the bar, lace’em up and embrace the suck of starting!
What’s on the other side is the momentum needed to hit targets.
I was watching a video on Instagram yesterday and this question really stood out to me. “What happens to water when it stops moving and becomes stagnant?”
Imagine a pool where the filter stopped working.
The image below speaks more than 1,000 words to tell you what stagnation looks like. The parasites, the disease, the negativity. It all has a chance to thrive when stagnant. Nothing is pushing it to move. Now play this out in your head. What happens a week from now, a month, a year…
Lesson: Keep Moving!
Like millions of others, I follow Grant Cardone and I’ve found his perspective of the wealthy very interesting. Grant says the rich, more specifically the ultra-rich are mercurial with their location, businesses and money. Always staying on the move, potentially with the thought of staying “one step ahead” of the rest.
Constant movement. Constant progress. Execute, learn, iterate and execute again.
In boxer parlance, stick and move. Stick and move!
Stagnation = Boredom. This is without a doubt the enemy of any pursuit.
Workout hit a plateau?
You and your partner aren’t connecting on the same wavelength?
In a rut with your nutrition or diet? Or making poor choice after poor choice?
Not feeling connected on your current spiritual journey?
Find yourself following or reading the same thing over and over again?
Friend circle have you in a death spiral of gossip and not enough talk about ideas and possibility?
Keep moving! Keep evolving!
I say it often and try to reinforce it with team members I work with weekly. No one has it all figured out. No one! Have a well thought out plan, execute it and be prepared to move based on the results. Be like water and find the path. Flexible and fluid. This is where I find entrepreneurs the most fascinating and I’m definitely not 100% a purebred entrepreneur. The entrepreneur may not be labeled as society’s “smartest” but they use their will, to find a way. No matter how long it takes to find it. Never stagnant, always moving, always pragmatic in the approach.
To the point of the stagnant pool example above, we need to be certain we’re keeping the filter on. Filtering allows us the perspective to audit and keep the water flowing cleanly. Keep a keen eye focused on your behaviors and be willing to consistently audit and filter.
Stagnation hits us all. I’m visiting it in my life right now. I’ve been stagnant with a few thoughts and behaviors and now I’m making changes. Big changes with respect to my lifestyle.
As I’m typing this, I’m 24 hours into a fast that will likely last about 30 hours. I get a colonoscopy about every 2-3 years due to my ulcerative colitis condition and the fast is part in parcel with that procedure. What seemed impossible when I first did this years ago (WTF…not eating for 30 hrs!?!?!?), really isn’t so bad after all.
Think I’m crazy?
The fast produces an odd amount of clarity in the mind and “filtering” for the body to reset. It also showcases the power of the mind over the body. I’m strongly considering the incorporation of a 24 hour fast into my monthly scorecard. More to come on that.
Lastly, I’m in the midst of undertaking new behaviors to filter out some of the inflammatory aspects of day-to-day life. The older I get, the more I’m paying attention to how I feel and the importance of sustained energy and momentum in life.
New Wrinkles:
Cold Shower – at least 60 seconds, if not 2 mins in the morning. Water temp below 70 degrees.
Wim Hof Breathing Exercise – 1x daily (Link to example here – – > Wim Hof Breathing) Give it a try!
Daily Meditation (evening) – I subscribed to the Peloton app during the pandemic and really like some of their guided sessions. There is tremendous variety and it’s a nice change of pace from my usual practice.
Diet – The research behind the gut/brain connection is now plentiful. Adjustments to the gut microbiome are driving my curiosity here.
If you find yourself stagnant, as I did coming out of COVID, start with getting curious about how to start something new. Flexible and fluid in pursuit of a better outcome.
I will warn you. It’s the lessor part of my personality to try to change ALL things, all at once. This takes tremendous will power. Do your best to resist that implementation method and adopt a process for incremental progress.
How did a visit to one of the nation’s largest owners of Verizon retail stores and their annual summit change my perspective on New Year’s Resolutions?
About two years ago, right around the time millions of people were mulling over “New Year’s Resolutions” I was drafting the first version of my personal scorecard.
Put simply, “resolutions” are shit!
New Year’s Resolutions are complete waste of time and energy. A faint promise made on Dec. 31st (potentially alcohol induced) is NOT a roadmap to having what you’re hoping to be, THE BEST YEAR EVER!!!!! You know…like the same BS spewed the year prior!
Furthermore, most resolutions lack the level of detail needed to truly follow through to make any real progress. Empty promise = Empty result. Well spoken resolutions drift away or fall forgotten like the fun and hangover had on New Year’s Day.
Resolution Examples:
Lose “some” weight (how much?)
Get in Shape (what does that mean?)
Save X,XXX $$$ (Ok, for what?)
Read more (How much is “more” anyway?)
blah blah blah. The list goes on.
Lastly, as if I needed to hammer home my point any deeper, resolutions are really ALL OR NOTHING propositions. You know how human beings do with ALL OR NOTHING? I’ll tell you. Nearly 100% of the time, “nothing” wins out, because that’s what happens when you deal in absolutes. One slip up and the resolution is broken like one of the Ten Commandments and shame quickly ensues. Momentum = LOST
So what is the alternative?
The answer instead, is what I learned from starring at a piece of poster board at a Verizon summit. A Scorecard. Many of the most successful businesses I’ve ever encountered operate with a keen sense of measuring what really matters and it’s made visual to the point of elementary understanding. The scorecard also serves as a decision-making tool for energy investment.
What is essential?
Below is a snapshot of my personal scorecard. Recently updated for March 2021. I’m obviously biased, but there is beauty in the simplicity.
The four categories listed in my monthly scorecard are my vitalityboosters. They are the essential activities I control, which largely impact my overall well-being and positive contribution to those around me.
Meditation – I have a very active mind. When I mediate, my day is more fluid and my thoughts more organized. I can think deeper. I’m calmer. I sleep better. I’m happier, sharper and more witty. I’m a better Dad and husband. What started as 15x month, I’ve now increased to 18x.
Exercise – Many things can be considered exercise and I’ve really thought recently about fine tuning this definition. My definition is I’ve got to get my heart rate up 150+ into a target zone for 20+ mins. I could move 20,000 steps in a day…and I may count that if I’m feeling like I earned it. Mowing the lawn, doesn’t count. Exercise calms my mind and usually generates ideas I can act upon.
Church – I’m a healthier person when I make time for this activity plain and simple. I don’t know how you measure compassion, but mine would be undoubtably higher after attending church (even virtually). My generosity also peaks after church. I feel a sense of relief and release when I’m done in the best of ways. I can’t say I’ve ever been the most religious person, but I do feel the spirituality of a service if that makes any sense at all.
Education – Consistently consuming new perspectives, new stories, and new ideas is good for the mind. I’ll never stop consuming books as I still love turning pages and making notations in the margins. Call me old fashioned I guess. The audiobook piece is just too easy nowadays as well. Audio can fit into so many aspects of our daily lives. I’ve thought about increasing this one but I do offset a good amount of listening with a variety of podcasts.
As a means to help you the reader take action, I’ve included a link to my scorecard (if it helps you get started). CREATE ONE!! It doesn’t have to be perfect and know it can be fine tuned over time.
SCORECARD LINK – – – > https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HXlvYmZK919m4oNlOV1Yay0dq1Ixkg-r/view?usp=sharing
Lastly, there are two reasons I created a scorecard.
Accountability. Momentum.
The first is very easy to figure out. The second is what I consider one of the biggest keys in life. Finding, generating and harnessing momentum. Conversely, as previously stated, a resolution is all or nothing and largely lives off fear. Don’t mess up, or this year is shot. Blown up. Gone!
With a scorecard you can have a bad day, week, or even month. But the following month always allows for a reset and a kick in the ass to restart momentum.
Here is my December. 2020 was a Looooooong year…and I was over it.
January 2021 I came out refocused and swinging! Momentum…re-established.
Find activities, or actions which are additive to your vitality. It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. They have to be YOUR THINGS!! Not mine. It won’t work otherwise as you’ll be faking it.
I started using this open-ended statement a few years back as I pondered what progress in my life looked like and where I wanted to go. Knowing there is much in life that is undoubtably out of our control, I looked to better understand and therefore control the focus of my efforts.
If I knew what I wanted, how could I get a roadmap to get there? Who would know and who walked a similar path?
What followed was a pretty simple exercise of fill in the blank.
If I want to be _____________ ,
Then I must do, what _____________ people do.
Choose MUST DO > Want to.
If I want to be ____________,
Healthy
More Christian
Physically Fit
Wealthy
Great Parent
An Owner of Multiple Businesses
Well Read
Less Anxious
More Flexible
Real Estate Owner
Financially Free
Well Traveled
Then I must do what _____________, people do.
By refocusing my efforts toward a more well-defined target, mentors and examples became abundant. I found there’s nearly a 100% chance, where I want to go…someone asked a similar question and walked a similar (if not the same) path.
Does this make achieving a goal any easier?
Not sure. If you believe information is hard to come by, then yes, this would be a step in the right direction of making the process easier.
That said, we almost all have access to the same information in the palm of our hand. So action is undoubtably the winner here. MUST DO > Want to.
Now the hard part. The mentors I’ve found didn’t happen upon their skills and they didn’t luck into their existence. It was earned.
Once you define, don’t forget to ask, “How did you do that?”
I know what you’re thinking. That’s what many will say of the year 2020. I’ll spare you all the reasons why, as there are many and I believe at this point of the year we’ve been inundated with their storylines. Like most, I could easily crumple up the notes of 2020 and throw it in the trash can. Light it on fire, and (you know what) on the ashes! “On to the Next One,” Jay Z would say.
This year brought a confluence of challenges: financially, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. All aspects of what was once day-to-day, were upended in relative immediacy on March 16th, 2020.
Let us not forget what 2020 came to bear.
In the toughest of times, I believe the mirror paints the most vivid of pictures in reflection if you choose to see it. Let us move forward, but with a keen eye to the teachings of this past year. Was this year really “the worst,” or was it the weakest link in a chain of decisions?
Also, before we move forward into a new year, let us consider this. What if…what if, all things aren’t immediately “better” in 2021. What then? Have you thought about that? Do you or I have the perseverance and perspective to continue on and march through this?
The second World War lasted four years from 1941-1945. This troubling and uncertain time produced what would be labeled the greatest generation. This generation was molded by the hands of growing up in the roaring 20’s, living through the crash and Great Depression, storming the beaches of Normandy and securing victory in WWII. This generation set our country up for what would become the greatest nation the world had ever seen. And boy did this generation have perspective!
We’re not even a year into this pandemic. Could we last four years?
The sermon I was listening to at (virtual) Orchard Hill Church this morning LINK HERE was delivered by Alice and was about “pondering” where we’ve been, what we’ve learned, and how can we carry that forward into a “better” next year. We must look back. We must acknowledge the cause, and not merely the symptom of what got us to where we are, and bring solutions forward.
Here’s what I’m bringing with me:
Financially – Tighten the belt loop. When hard times hit, companies reduce expenses to return to profitability. That isn’t really very interesting. What is however, is thinking back to 2008. When expenses are reduced due to contraction, they don’t come back anywhere near where they once were pre-recession. Profits follow and the business rebounds. Look at yourself like a business. You are a business! My family is a business and we operate it with ample margin. Don’t go running back to unnecessary or unfounded expense. If you haven’t noticed, society really doesn’t care what you drive or wear in a pandemic. How significant has that been for you the last nine months? Life also hasn’t ended the last nine months without Netflix. Financial Smarts > Scrooge McDuck.
Debt – Overwhelming debt is crippling. Be conservative in your estimates and ensure you’ve got runway for things just like what we’re experiencing. Here’s a rule I live by. If you can’t pay for it twice, you can’t pay for it. This offers a tremendous blanket of protection and freedom in crisis.
Time Commitments – For a moment there back in March, April and May it seemed as though everything came to a screeching halt…and maybe that was a good thing. All of a sudden weeks weren’t filled with 20 commitments in a schedule which would allow only 10. I’m not coaching you to keep your kids out of soccer or basketball. Yet a more discerning eye to commitment is possible as we look forward. What brings you joy? Spend your time there!
Health – I’m yet to reach 40, and I’m confident in saying some day I’d sure like to see 80 and grandkids. Furthermore, I don’t think we’ve seen the last virus to rock us in my lifetime. That said, I hope to be prepared for when it comes. Doing so means following my scorecard I mentioned early in 2020. Exercise. Meditation. Church. Growing my Perspective. Move. Meditate. Read.
GRIT – Not so shockingly, I was moved to write a post about GRIT in 2020. I was speaking with my six year old son about the challenge of moving into and through hard things. Boy was this year filled with “hard things” to ponder. I felt like every week I was getting punched in the stomach. Although I had many sleepless nights, I will look back and say…hard, undoubtably HARD… but, not impossible. The Only Way Out is Through < – – a worthwhile read here.
I miss Travel. I miss my friends and gatherings. I miss a night on the town in a crowded restaurant and the energy of humanity.
But it will come back.
In closing out the year 2020, I ask for you to look at your keyboard. Look down at ALL the keys. Now avert your eyes to the far right side of the keyboard.
What I’m choosing to do on 2020 is press RETURN, not DELETE. Begin writing the next chapter. A chapter connected to the entire story.
I’ve been thinking a good deal about what perspectives this pandemic can offer? What am I actively learning from what’s happening?
I was speaking with a physician last week and he used the word, “grit” to describe a behavior to pay attention to during COVID. It hit me like a blindside block and I’m not too certain I heard most of the rest of what he said as I thought it was so profound.
COVID is testing our: health, children, jobs, relationships, patience, finances, and the list goes on and on…
COVID is testing our resolve. COVID is our generation’s GRIT test…if you can choose to see it that way.
If you choose to see it, you can see this very resolve showing itself all over in wide arranging scenarios.
For example, yesterday was Halloween. Today, the internet was ON FIRE with photos and videos of people committed to continuing the tradition of Halloween with unique and creative solutions to deliver “the prize” (Candy) to our kids who were seeking some normalcy in the midst of a pandemic.
I saw people who fashioned tubes/chutes/gutters used to send candy toward their onlookers with a little help from gravity
I saw a medieval style catapult constructed to launch candy to awaiting trick-or-treaters with bags held wide open
I saw row of bags attached to a fence with clothes pins holding individual treats to be taken one-by-one by ghosts and ghouls
ALL of this, is GRIT.
Resolve to not let a pandemic get the best of us. Creatively focused to “embrace the suck” as the Navy Seals say, and find a way. Schools have done it. Businesses, hospitals, restaurants, professional sports are all finding creative ways evolve.
I find stoicism healthy here. The stoics would teach us to observe reality as it is, and not as we want it to be. But then move. Move forward.
Floods will rob us of one thing, fire of another. These are conditions of our existence which we cannot change. What we can do is adopt a noble spirit, such a spirit as befits a good person, so that we may bear up bravely under all that fortune sends us and bring our wills into tune with nature’s. – Seneca, Letters from a Stoic
The pandemic has certainly thrown all of us off what was once considered our “normal” day-to-day modus operandi. It’s also showing us where our resolve is.
I’m a self confessed optimist. I DO believe there is a way through and it very likely won’t be easy. Not in the least. That said, the way forward lives with the people and their ingenuity. I certainly believe in that.
Instead of looking for ease of passage. Lean into grit.
It was all too tragic on Sunday. A legend, his daughter and 7 others lost too soon. We’ve all seen the news. It’s unavoidable.
I grew up in the MJ era, so it wasn’t like Kobe was “my guy,” but yet I was upset. I was watching the PGA tour event at Torrey Pines when I saw the news on my phone.
My wife asked, “how do you feel?”
“Heartbroken,” I said. But not entirely sure why. Why do I feel this way?
“It’s ok to cry,” she said. “You do know you can cry. Let it out.”
Why was I upset? I got to thinking:
A legend, a basketball icon lost too soon. A man I hoped to see in old age. Similar to how I see Bill Russell today.
Be was 41. I’m soon to be 38
He has kids and a young daughter almost the same age as my daughter.
Leaves behind a wife (Vanessa)
He’ll never get to deliver the hall of fame speech he deserved
Jerry West was beside himself. I have tremendous respect for Jerry. “The Logo” of the NBA and fierce competitor felt deep sorrow in the loss of his friend and Laker comrade. I think he saw himself in Kobe
And on and on…
Yesterday (Monday), I was just somber. I just felt sad for the entire situation.
The thought I struggled with most and continue to, is the thought of that helicopter going down, and what do you say or prepare your daughter for….sitting along side you in those last fatal moments. That WRECKED me.
As a parent I’m fine going out on my own. No one ever wants to go too soon. But with your child, your protege, at your side…that hurts.
Monday moved on into Monday night and that’s where I found a smile.
I was watching the Wisconsin vs Iowa basketball game and saw a post that ESPN would be reairing Kobe’s final game. His 60 point night of artistry that would complete his NBA career tapestry.
Immediately I changed channels only to watch him start 0-5. That was painful. I knew the damn script and I was struggling through it. C’mon Kobe, put the ball in the bucket.
Then a shot dropped. Then a layup. Then another. He was finding his legs. Three straight.
I’ve said this many times, but basketball was my first love. Now I’ll never know what it was like to be in the stratosphere with Kobe, but I could score and I knew what it felt like to get H-O-T. Bucket. Bucket. Buckets!!
I was drawn in with the broadcast.
I found myself rooting for an ending in a script that was already written. Like cheering for Andy Dufresne to escape Shawshank. We know the ending.
I appreciated him. His work. His drive. His final chapter.
When he had 45, and was going for 50 I was drawn in. When he hit 53, I was sitting on the floor but up on my haunches…leaning in. Asking for 60!
He had that look in his eyes.
He hit 60, and I smiled.
Ear to ear, I smiled.
I smiled and I felt a little peace. That’s what he was put on this earth to do, and for a moment I forgot the tragedy, and remembered, even participated in his greatness.
I put my kids to bed last night and knew that next day I’d be heading out of town for a quick business trip. Not irregular in the least, but it felt oh so different this time.
I’d be lying to you if these events didn’t make me pause. Slow down. Appreciate.
I looked at my kids differently on Monday night, and today as they headed out the door. Different in a more clear way. Different in a more appreciative and thankful way.
I hate that these events do that, but it’s true and I won’t hide from it.
This tragedy brings into perspective the reminder we hate to hear. Life is short, and it must be cherished.
Don’t forget to smile! No matter where it comes from.
